Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

PART 2
On 2nd June 2020 my ex boyfriend sent me this email and since then I haven’t heard from him. I have shared my part in the previous post do check my profile and read it. This is his part and the last words I heard from him.
“Mujhe har jagah se Block kar Diya h tune isse sab thik ho jayega na tere life mai thik h…!!!
Thik h Arohi yahi chahati h na tu ki isbaar ye relation sach mai khatam ho jaye toh phir thik h Kar le khatam ise khatam karke agar tujhe sach mai khushi milti h na toh phir thik h…
Bas itna sochke dekhna ek baar apna sara ghussa side mai rakhke… Kya jo bhi jhagde hue ya jis wajah se aaj aisa situation aya h usme tune kuch nhi Kiya…??? Sab mairi galti h…??? Tune aisa kuch bhi nhi Kiya jisse mujhe ghussa aye ya mujhe hurt ho nd jisse jhagda hua ho…??? Maine aise hi bina koi wajah ke ghussa Kiya nd jo bhi Karna chahiye wo Kiya nd jo sab nhi bolna chahiye wo bola…???
Tu mujhe ye bol rhi thi main jab baat karne aya tab ache se baat karne as sakta tha na ki Arohi Kya baat nhi kar rhi h itne dino se, I miss you, chod aab sab chiz baat kar mujhse, aise baat karna chahiye tha but Maine itne dino baad bhi ake tujhse Questions Karna shuru kar diya… Main ache se hi baat karne wala tha Maine decide Kiya tha maire Birthday mai wo mujhe wish karegi ache se nd phir main usse sorry bolke ache se baat start karunga phirse… Par tune mujhe kis tarike se wish Kiya jaise koi bahar wale ko bhi nhi karta phir mujhe bura nhi lagna chahiye mairi feelings hurt nhi hogi uske baad…??? Hamara kitna bhi jhagda hua ho 1 baar aisa hua h kabhi ki jab tera birthday ya koi acha din ho tho Maine tujhe aise wish Kiya ho…??? Nhi Arohi jab bhi aisa koi Day aya h Maine hamesha sab chize bhulke tujhe ache se wish kiya jisse tujhe us day ko bura na lage jo tere liye special ho…
Mujhe bol rhi thi ki main nhi aya 1 month tak samne se baat karne toh tu bhi kounsa aye thi baat karne samne se…!!! Sirf pyar ki jarurat tujhe h mujhe koi pyar nhi chahiye tujhse…??? Main expect nhi kar sakta tujhse koi pyar ya main deserve hi nhi karta Tera pyar…???
Ha maine bohot baar ghusse mai bohot kuch bola nd bohot kuch aisa Kiya jo nhi karna chahiye tha par wo sab chiz ghusse mai hua maine kabhi bhi koi chiz dilse ya jan buchke nhi kiya sab chiz ghusse ki wajah se hua mujhse nd wo har chizo ke liye main dilse hath jodke sorry bol rha hu… I am really sorry har chiz ke liye…
Tujhe ache se pata h maire liye ye relation maira sab kuch h tu maire liye sab kuch h phir bhi tune hamesha mujhse maira sab kuch chinane ki try ki nd isbaar chinn bhi rhi h… Maine hamesha tujhe apne First priority pe rakha nd hamesha teri har chizo ko sabse pehle rakha h kitni baar apne gharwalo ko bhi wait karvaya h nd adjust karvaya h lekin tujhe hamesha First priority pe rakha h… Ek baar socha tune ki first priority pe koi kisiko kab rakhta h…??? Kya koi insan har kisiko First priority pe rakhta h…??? Nhi Arohi ek insan First priority pe usiko rakhta h jo uske liye sabse Important person ho nd uska sab kuch ho jaise tune apne Maa nd Baap ko rakha h bocz abhi wo tere sabse Important h… Tujhe maine jis din se hamara relation start hua tabse First priority pe rakha h bocz tu hamesha se maira sab kuch rhi h nd hamesha maira sab kuch rahegi…
Nd tu mujhse maira sab kuch chinke mujhe bol rhi h main bohot khush rahunga… Itna hi samajh payi h mujhe itne salo mai…??? Tujhe ye lagta h ki jo maira sab kuch h uske bina mai kabhi bhi ache se reh paunga…!!! Apne hisab se tune apne ghusse mai soch liya ye sab chiz ek baar ghussa side mai rakhke sochti toh pata chalta ki tu jo bol rahi h wo kabhi nhi ho sakta tere bina…
Main agar tujhe Abhi tere Maa ya Baap mai se kisi ek ko tujhse jabrdasti chin lu nd tujhe unse na baat karne du nd na hi koi relation rakhna du nd phir ye bol du ki tu bohot khush rahegi, koi itni badi baat nhi h, Sab bhulke move on kar… Toh kya tere liye ye kabhi possible hoga…!!! Kabhi nhi hoga Arohi bocz ye dono tere liye abhi tere sabse Important h… Waise hi maire liye tu maira sab kuch h nd main kabhi bhi iske bina ache se nhi reh paunga kabhi bhi nhi…
Tu mujhe ye bol rhi thi na ki tu jhagde ki wajah se kantal ke relation khatam karne ki baat karti h… Bilkul galat bol rhi h tu ye chiz tune kitni baar mairi koi bhi galti na hone ke baad bhi relation khatam Karne ki baat ki h nd mujhe usse bohot jyada hurt hua h hamesha jise main kabhi bhi bhul nhi paya hu… Ye batana jab 1st time tune apni Maa ki baat sunke mujhse relation khatam karne as gayi thi tab usme mairi Kya galti thi Kya Kiya tha Maine aisa jo tu kantal ke relation khatam karne ayi thi…??? Jab 2nd time Teri behan ke ghar pe problem ki wajah se apne gharwalo ki baat sunke tu relation khatam karne as gayi thi tab mairi Kya galti thi usme tab Maine aisa Kya Kiya tha ki tu kantal ke relation khatam karne as gayi thi…??? Nd baki ke 1 baar jo tune khatam Karna chaha ye relation ko tab Teri galti nhi thi koi bhi…??? Is baar jo relation khatam kar rhi h isme Teri koi bhi galti nhi h sari galti sirf mairi h…???
Nd relation khatam karte waqt tune mujhe kaise treat Kiya nd kitna kuch bola ye tune dhyan mai rakha kabhi bhi… Mujhe ye sari chize sunke nd dekhke bura nhi laga hoga mujhe hurt nhi hua hoga…!!! Feelings sirf tujh mai hi h hurt sirf tu hi hoti h mujh mai koi feelings nhi h mujhe hurt nhi hota…!!!
Ye dono baar relation khatam karne ke baad mujhe itna sab chizo ka bura laga tha nd itna hurt hua tha ki main apne ghusse pe control nhi kar paya nd sab chiz ghusse mai hua mujhse… In dono baar ke baad ek choti si chiz bhi hoti thi na toh main apne ghusse pe control nhi kar paya rha tha…
Tune 1 baar bhi mujhe ake pyar se samjhaya ki Arun Maine jo Relation khatam karne ki baat ki wo galat thi mujhse galti se hua wo chiz but main aabse kabhi bhi nhi karungi ye chiz nd na hi kabhi chodke jaungi tumhe… kabhi pyar se mujhe ye chiz bola ake…??? 1 baar bhi agar Mujhe ake ye chiz bol Diya hota nd maire Mann se ye chiz nikal Diya hota ya try bhi Kiya hota na nikalne ki maire Mann se ye chize toh main har chiz bhul jata nd kabhi bhi is tarika react nhi karta… Par tujhe toh kabhi bhi relation khatam karne ki baat Karna galat laga hi nhi hamesha tere liye ye option sahi rha h…
Tu ye bol rhi thi ki tu abhi bhi maire bare mai soch rhi h ki main hurt hu isiliye Teri galti nikal rha hu baar baar taki mujhe thoda acha feel ho… Arohi agar sach mai maire bare mai thoda sa bhi soch rhi hoti na toh 1st time relation khatam karne ki baat karne ke baad jo mairi halat hui thi na wo dekhne ke baad dushri baar kabhi bhi ye relation khatam karne ki baat nhi karti he jante hue bhi ki tu mairi sab kuch h kabhi bhi dushri baar relation khatam karne ki baat nhi karti…
Ha mana jhagda hua jisme tune mujhe bohot kuch bola nd Maine bhi bohot kuch bola but relation khatam karne ki baat kaha se ati h bich mai shanti se baat karke bhi toh sab solve Kiya jaa sakta h…
Kya aisa kabhi nhi hua tere sath ki tera tere ghar walo se bohot jhagda hua ya tujhe bohot hurt hua toh Kya kabhi bhi unse relation khatam karne ka socha tune…??? Nhi socha bocz wo tere liye sabse Important h waise hi tu Maire liye h… Mujhse maira sab kuch mat chin Arohi…
Thik h tere pass wajah h relation khatam karne ke liye par Kya ye relation bachane ke liye koi wajah nhi h tere pass… Itne saal sath mai rahe, Itne sare memories, Itne sare commitment jo hamne sath mai rehne ke liye kiye the, Itne sare kasam jo humne sath mai rehne ke khaye the, Wo sare sapne jo hum dono ne sath mai rehne ke dekhe the zindagi bhar, Hamara Pyar… Ye sab bohot important wajah h ye relation ko rakhne ke liye…!!! Plz main Abhi bhi bol rha hu ye relation khatam mat kar…
Main ye nhi bol rha hu ki mairi koi galti nhi h mairi bhi bohot sari galti h maine jis tarike se react Kiya ghusse mai nd jo sab bola wo bohot galat tha nd usse tujhe bohot hurt hua h nd Main un sab chizo ke liye tujhse dilse Hath Jodke Sorry bol rha hu Arohi…
But Arohi Maine jo bhi bola nd Kiya ghusse mai kiya kabhi bhi koi chiz sochke dilse nhi Kiya na Tujhe insult Karna na tujhe gali dena wo sab ghusse mai Hua mujhse nd rahi baat tere character ke bare mai bolna toh Main tere character pe Q Karna toh bohot door ki baat h kabhi socha bhi nhi tere character ke bare mai faltu ka kuch bhi jo bhi bola ghusse mai maire muh se nikla nd goa wali chiz bhi Maine koi sochke nhi Kiya tha wo ghusse mai mujhse hua tha maine us waqt kuch bhi aisa nhi socha tha ki koi ladka ghusake bethi hogi ghar mai bas ghusse mai hua jo baad mai mujhe bhi samajh mai nhi aya aaj tak ki Kyu Kiya Maine aisa… Nd jo bhi dhamki di Maine wo bohot jyada jab pareshan Hua tab di aise hi kabhi dhamki nhi di ghusse mai hota tha main us waqt isliye muh se nikla wo sab uske liye Sorry…
Par iska matlab ye nhi h ki isme mairi koi galti nhi h Arohi In sab mai mairi bohot galti h mujhe apne ghusse pe control Karna chahiye tha nd tujhe itna kuch faltu ka bolna nhi chahiye tha nd har chiz ke liye Main Dilse hath jodke tujhse maffi mang rha hu Arohi… I am really sorry har chiz ke liye mujhe maff Kar de Arohi…
Main kasam khake bol rha hu jo aaj tak bola Maine kabhi bhi aaj ke baad kabhi bhi ghusse mai aisa kuch bhi nhi karunga jo galat ho ya aisa kuch bhi nhi bolunga jo galat ho apne ghusse pe control kar lunga aage se tujhe kabhi aisa kuch dekhne nd sunne ko nhi milega jo bohot jyada galat ho bas mujhse maira sab kuch mat chinke jaa Arohi jisse main kabhi normal na ho pau… Jiske wajah se main kabhi bhi khush na reh pau plz Arohi I am sorry for everything…
Mujhse bhi bohot sari galti hui h Arohi jiske liye main dilse sorry bol rha par mujhe mairi galti ki Itni badi punishment mat de Arohi jisse main zindagi bhar marr marr ke jine pe majboor ho jau plz Arohi…
Lekin iske baad bhi agar tujhe ye lagta h ki ye relation khatam kar dene se teri life mai sab thik ho jayega nd tu hamesha khush rahegi toh phir thik h Arohi khatam kar de ye relation but itna yaad rakhna ki decision sirf aur sirf tera h maira nhi… Aisa decision na maira kabhi ho sakta h nd na hi kabhi hoga maine hamesha sab kuch thik karke normal rehne mai bharosha rakha h nd hamesha usime bharosha rakhunga…
Mairi taraf se kabhi bhi ye relation na khatam hua h nd na kabhi bhi hoga… Tu mairi sab kuch thi nd hamesha rahegi… Main wait karunga ki tu mujhse baat kare nd sab chiz phirse normal ho hamara relation phirse normal ho nd ache se rahe hum dono…
Aaj ke baad main tujhe kabhi koi msg ya call nhi karunga jisse tujhe pareshani ho ya tujhe irritation ho mairi taraf se… Itne dino se samne se msg call kar rha tha uske liye Sorry aaj ke baad kabhi nhi karunga… Ho sake toh mujhe unblock kar dena agar kabhi koi kaam ho toh baat ho sake baki bina koi kaam ke main aaj ke baad tujhe koi msg ya call nhi karunga samne se jisse tujhe koi pareshani ho…
Agar tu chahati h ki main hamesha aise marr marr ke rahu toh phir thik h tujhe jo Karna ho kar Arohi nd khush reh… Lekin main kabhi bhi ye relation khatam hone ke baad khush nhi reh paunga maire pass hamesha marr marr ke rehne ke alawa aur koi option nhi rahega Arohi par thik h agar tu ye karne se khush rehti h toh phir thik h Arohi…
I love you Arohi hamesha yaad rakhna ye chiz…
I am sorry har chiz ke liye Maine jo bhi galat bola nd galat Kiya uske liye ho sake toh mujhe maff kar dena…
Main hameha wait karunga tera mujhse baat karne ka nd phirse relation ache se shuru karne ke liye… Main wait karunga tera hamesha…
Dhyan rakhna Arohi apna and apni tabiyat ka…
Khush rehna hamesha…
Bye…”
This were his last words to me and I still haven’t talked to him. I still miss him I still love him but I guess it’s better for both of us to stay away and heal. I love you Arun. I will always love you but will never tell you this.