Thought

Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

Our understanding of “healthy” relationships depends on various factors such as our upbringing, the relationships our role models have, our partners’ personality, and so much more! Today we have with us Kajal Tyagi to talk to us about Maintaining Health Relationships and what healthy relationships truly mean! 💓😍

About Kajal Tyagi- 🌻⬇️

Kajal Tyagi is a practicing counseling psychologist and an applied behaviour therapist. She has completed her MSc in Counseling Psychology from Christ University, Delhi NCR and her post-graduate diploma in Behavioral Science from George Brown College, Toronto. She has experience working with people struggling with different issues and belonging to varied backgrounds. She has worked with NGOs, clinics, schools, residential care centers and mental health organizations.

She has a client-focused approach with an integrated style of therapy. For her, psychotherapy is a beautiful collaborative effort of both client and the therapist to come together on a journey of personal, mutual reflection, and introspection. She finds therapy to be a very powerful aid for a holistic understanding and integration of an individual’s past, present and future.

Feel free to ask her any and all questions aligning with the theme in the comments section without a smidge of hesitation! ⬇️

P.S- You can also book a therapy session with Kajal here: https://nowandme.com/therapy/individual/4gvJqIABE6-36DRfkKsy

Remember that asking questions shows strength, not weakness. 🤗💐
🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡

💒
🗼
Profile picture for Now&Me member @gangas96
🌃
🏙
🌄
43 replies

Zak Puckett @ztothephour

I’m oddly asking for assistance in running QC on what i’ve done in my upstairs. (profile has evidence of the flavor i chose… eeeehhhhh)

💒
Anonymous

For some reasons I just can’t forgive. I mean I do but the anger towards it rises up time to time. N i just can’t help it.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hey! Seems like you are struggling to forgive someone. Forgiveness is not easy, it often happens in stages and it takes time. Acceptance may also take some time, so if you find yourself feeling angry towards the person, it is okay. Take your time to process what happened, and don’t push yourself, it may do more harm than good.

🗼
Anonymous

I have a sister who is narcissistic and gaslights a lot. I wanna cut ties with her, but she makes me feel bad for setting boundaries. I don’t know what to do

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. It could be extremely difficult to deal with a narcissist, more so when they are a family member. Firstly, it is really good that you are able to identify what is happening, this in itself is tricky and a big step. Love that you are looking out for yourself!

I understand that boundary setting and cutting ties won’t be easy in this case. However, since you know her patterns and how it is affecting you, you need to remind yourself of why you are doing this. You need to trust yourself, your judgement and intentions more than her feedback. It won’t be easy, but it is possible. More power to you :)

Anonymous

If friends tend to degrade , demotivate , kill my self esteem , confidence what should I doo …please I could really use some help

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hi! A major sign of a good friend is that you feel supported and comfortable around them. If being around your friends is making you feel the opposite, then you need to set some boundaries.

Firstly, reflect on why they are your friends, is it just these negative qualities or is there more to these friendships, maybe something positive which is making you stick around. If you don’t want to distance yourself from them, then start expressing how you feel, tell them how you don’t like what they say about you, ask them to engage with you respectfully.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @gangas96

Ganga @gangas96

Should relationships be positive or negative? Or is there need for relationships?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hi Ganga! I think by positive and negative you mean should relationships always have positive interactions. Realistically speaking, no relationship can just have positive interactions all throughout. Two complex people with their own set of traits, perspectives, and understanding of the world come together to form a relationship. Therefore, difference of opinion, and conflict are almost natural. Negative interactions in relationships can be challenging but they also allow for people to grow, and evolve. Having said that, the ratio of positive to negative experience is to be considered. If in any relationship there are more negative interactions than positive, then maybe it is a sign to dig into what is happening.

To answer your second question, the need for relationships is completely subjective. It depends on person to person. Some people find meaning in relationships, some people are content with their solitude.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @gangas96

Ganga @gangas96

Thank you for responding ☺️

Anonymous

Hello Kajal!
Hope you are having a good day
I would like to know how much transparency is healthy for a relationship to work? I was someone who really didnt enquire about my ex partner’s lifestyle when he wanted some time for himself or say, his friends because I thought I was giving him space but even then things didnt work out gradually, I am mentioning this because eventually he was sharing his issues with others and not me and we parted ways. So I dont know where I went wrong and what can I do to have a better interpersonal relationship in the future.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hello :) Hope you are doing well.
It seems like this past relationship left you questioning things and yourself. It is normal to think about the reasons for it not working out, however, the entire responsibility for the relationship to work is never on one person’s shoulders. And there might be other factors/ reasons for him behaving the way he did.

About transparency, it is different for different individuals. When two come together, they have to mutually respect each other’s need to share and negotiate in order for the relationship to work. An important factor here is attachment styles, some people need a lot more space than others. Understanding each other’s attachment styles, their past experiences, their needs and insecurities is crucial to come to a mutual understanding, to support each other.

Anonymous

Very well explained. Well, both of us share our own separate severe childhood trauma. Neither of us have healed. He thought he hurt me a lot while I used to get upset to an extent of not talking to him just to take some time rather than saying mean things…anyway…thank you so much! Great help ❤️

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

I am glad to know that this relationship experience helped you gain more understanding of yourself. All the best :)

🌃
Anonymous

I feel like I’m happy alone, i don’t need anything.
But people say hyper independence is a trauma response, is that correct ?

🌃
Anonymous

Anyone *

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hey, It is correct. Hyper independence is usually a result of emotional damage caused by broken trust. Have you experienced that or something resembling that in your past. Do you think you have undergone relational trauma in your younger years? If yes, then it may be a trauma response, which can be explored deeper in therapy.

If not, then you know it is healthy.

🌃
Anonymous

yes,
it was sex_ual a_buse , i don’t want to trust anyone after that . but i’m fine !

🏙
Anonymous

I’ve started feeling detached in my relationship. There are fights about the other person mot being there for the other. And I’ve started feeling insecure and jealous which feels so wrong. I don’t know how to feel how I did before. We decided to take a break but I feel she will be fine and I won’t. What should I do? I just feel lost :/

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hey, firstly, it is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Feeling insecure and jealous is okay too unless you are acting on those feelings and hurting someone.

There must have been some experience in the relationship which changed the way you feel, and brought a sense of detachment. When was it that you started to feel differently? What happened which switched things for you? After finding that out, talk to your partner, express honestly what you have been feeling, and what went wrong.

If it isn’t possible for you to talk without conflict, and it continues to bother you, then going for couples therapy is a good option to consider. Hope that helps.

🏙
Anonymous

Thank you so much for responding. I think it’s the issues about us not able to meet physically and it feels like a long distance. She lives 26 kms away from me and I feel we can meet atleast 4 times a week. But it’s super challenging because of her super tight college schedule. She can make time in weekdays. But I have office and can only meet on weekends. Unsure of how to proceed and work it out. Hope you can relate to it with the above message.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

I am able to understand. Physical distance is challenging. However, somethings you can try is find out ways to meaningfully connect virtually, like virtual dates, or meaningful virtual activities together. Expressing gratitude for each other, and reminding yourself of the good things about the other person, so that the frustration is decreased.

🌄
Anonymous

I am looking for a life partner… Arranged marriage basically… but Guys out there have too many expectations and I am at a stage where I feel like I am not going to get anyone in life and I have to spend all my life alone… I am 29, independent but I don’t know why I do see my happiness in someone else. What shall I do to get away from this emptiness in my life…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hello, I understand that your experience with guys have not been very fulfilling which is making you feel a little hopeless.
People who are independent can also need or want relationships, and it is completely natural and healthy. Relationships are also characterized by mutual sharing, and experiencing, which many people desire. It is only human to want to share your life with someone. Reflect on this emptiness that you feel, is it something that you need within you as a person, or is it a desire to share and be loved. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, and cared for.

🌄
Anonymous

What if I don’t get anyone in life?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

It is a fear based thought, which is normal. Remind yourself about how there are so many people like you looking for a caring partner. Focus on what you have to offer, and don’t let the fear hold you back.

🌄
Anonymous

Thanks Kajal for above words… will work on it…

This thought has been deleted by the thought author
Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Thank you so much. ♥️

🌆
Anonymous

why my mother always says you will never be able to do something whenever i start learning something new and never motivate me also during my period of learning she asks me to stop doing so as she believes i am just wasting my time and efforts?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @kajal_tyagi

Kajal Tyagi @kajal_tyagi

Hey, I am sorry to hear that. It must be very hurtful for you to hear that from your mum. I am afraid I can’t be sure why she says all of that. However, I can tell you that when no one believe in you, it is difficult, but that’s when you need to believe in yourself the most. Surround yourself with supporting friends or any other person who motivates you. Reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing, and if it brings meaning and happiness to you then it need not make sense to anyone.

Shankar Kumar @mjdhysr

Hi

🌇
Anonymous

Hi

Nitin Singh @vivid_train

Hii

Read more

👀
Anonymous
Any mediation lover here?
11

Prithvi k @prithvi_k

Can someone please help me with providing contacts of free cRead more
1
Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the victim is maRead more
23
@anonpoet
Therapy really works lol
3
Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

We as humans are an amalgamation of multiple identities, ourRead more
4
Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

Entering into romantic relationships and sustaining these tiRead more
44
👀
Anonymous
Is there any portal where we can get in touch with therapistRead more
5
Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

**Ask Me Anything with Kushagar Sudan on May 1, 2020** @thRead more
33