Thought

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Now&Me @nowandme

Open communication helps people within a relationship feel validated and heard. It is said to be the core of healthy relationships. Despite having that knowledge, many of us struggle with actually opening up and being vulnerable with our partners. Today we have Yamini, a counselling psychologist, on board with us to answer all your questions under the theme of Communication in couples 💖🗣️

About Yamini Punj-

Yamini Punj has been practicing as a Counselling Psychologist since 2018, post completing her Bachelors of Arts and Masters of Arts in Clinical Psychology. Having experience with all age groups. She specialises in management of depression, anxiety, phobias, family therapy, relationship/marital counselling, self image, grief, trauma, etc. Following a humanistic approach, she believes the choices we make in life, the paths we go down and their consequences. She tries to not restrict herself with the number of possibilities in treatment while dealing with my clients keeping an eclectic approach.

Feel free to ask her any and all questions aligning with the theme in the comments section before 6th June 2022 without a smidge of hesitation! ⬇️

P.S- You can also book a therapy session with Yamini right here!

Remember that asking questions shows strength, not weakness. 🤗💐
🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡

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47 replies
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Anonymous

Can I afford a boyfriend?? 🥲🥲

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Anonymous

Emotionally or financially?

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Anonymous

If you think you are emotionally and financially stable and you know what you want in a boyfriend and you respect yourself …then you can afford boyfriend

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

We use the word “AFFORD” for the materialistic possessions. So using this word for a partner, is not right.
Try changing this approach and I’m sure you will have someone in your life soon. :)

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Anonymous

I am 95% sure I am gonna have an arranged marriage…
I am soo confused about my sexual identity… I am a female but I feel more masculine and feminine sometimes. Can u suggest me how I can open up or if I should open up about this to that potential partner ?

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Anonymous

Every human has both the side…i start to feel feminine when I dance alot tbh…just let the feelings come and go

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

All of us have both feminine and masculine energy present in us. It’s highly misunderstood only if we consider it in terms of male and female.
Being a male or female, can be represented through our gender, however sexual identity is more than that.
However, if you are confused specifically about your sexual identity then it’s advisable to go for therapy before going and taking a decision further of marriage.
It’s better to know yourself first, and then be sure about it. Allow yourself to explore this thought more, and then you can definitely be confident to present in front of the potential partner.

Hope this helps you in some way. :)

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Anonymous

Thank you! I would sure do it 👍

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Anonymous

hello mam
recently i met a guy on insta and he claimed that iam the first girl whom he talked in 4-5 years openly and he talks less but i made him comfortable enough that he likes to share everything with me. He said that we have some different connection and i also felt it too. He is very sweet and always try to make me feel special by sending quotes, songs or appreciating my presence. he also told me that he gradually started falling for me. he is very busy guy but still he tries to take out some time to talk to me.
so one day i asked him to get into relationship and he said lets do it…but after few days he said that he is not ready for a relationship and wants to take things slow but he stiil likes me a lot …and i felt betrayed…ek taraf vo mujhe itna special feel kara hai and doosri taraf he is not ready for a relationship ? i was very confused…so after few days meine socha ki i have feelings for him and if i continue to talk to him mujhe hi hurt hoga…
so i told him ki lets stop talking its not good for both of us… and he didn’t even reply to this message…he didnt said anything he was totally cold…when i poked him a little he said there is something going on his family which he cant discuss…he totaly behaved like a cold person…
he didnt even tried to stop me or say something else…i can undestand ki family problems hai but kya mein uske liye itni bhi important nahi hoo ki mujhe ek baar bole kuch ya meri feelings ko bhi consideration mein le ?
i dont know what happened suddenly to him ? ek din pehle itni special thi and aj kuch bhi nahi…he said that dont bother yourself becuase of me…and said sorry that we again became stangers…iam so confused
he said that there is some connection but the time is not right and we wont say good bye but now i feel so confused…what does he want ?

iam really sorry for this long message

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Anonymous

He’s playing…there are so many red flags

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Anonymous

In my opinion just leave him. He said he likes you but he didn’t do anything to prove his words. He is not responsible at all.

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Anonymous

yes, ab samjh aa raha hai

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Anonymous

he is not even showing…prove karna door ki baat rahi

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Anonymous

Yup

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Anonymous

Block and move on

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hello, understanding your situation. Please don’t be apologetic for the long message.
Many times, we as humans are not very aware of our emotions and feelings, which in turn gives rise to confusions. And in such cases, situations also play a very major role.
You as an individual can only take charge of how you feel, think, react and respond. What matters is how this whole situation is making you feel.
All I can suggest you is give him some time, because that is something which is not in your control.
Take some time for yourself too.
Take care :)

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Anonymous

I want to ask that my bf never shares anything about his life with me. I mean nothing. I feel like we do not communicate on deep levels. It’s just the usual about the day. I feel excluded from his life. What should I do about this??

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Anonymous

Block him

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Anonymous

Try communicating. And if things don’t change you know better that getting out from it is the only way

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hey, in couples most common factors that give rise to conflicts are-
1- Communication
2- Intimacy and sex
3- Finances
Communication plays a very major role in building as well as managing the relationship. And we as humans if we want to have a clear communication about something with our partner, it’s important first we realise what is that we want, and how are we feeling about the situation.
Communication is a two way street, there has to be a speaker and a receiver. And when I say this, it’s important that we actually hear our partner and not just listen them for the sake of it.
And so, communication becomes an integral part, of a healthy relationship between couples.
It not only helps partners develop a loving and healthy relationship but also a respectful relationship.
One of the biggest concern is that we tend to misunderstand what the purpose of the communication is. We tend to have the same mindset of a student, who is going for a debate, rather than talking for a reason. But if we want to talk about the reason we first need to know what the reason is.
Try to talk to your partner having this approach, I hope it would help. And if you both can agree to go for couple therapy, it would definitely benefit you two. :)

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Anonymous

Thank you for responding. We will surely give a thought to couple therapy.

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Anonymous

I feel bad when i get vulnerable. When i have to say my heart. I feel like my partner won’t understand even when he has been in the past. I have difficulty speaking my heart to my partner. Words get stuck. Even when i have let my guard down i feel bad later. Like I’m burdening them with myself.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable with your partner. Consider it as an opportunity to grow as a person and a medium to find happiness and deep satisfaction in your relationships.
Opening up and overcoming your fears of rejection or not being understood would help you become more aware of yourself. Build trust and honesty with your partner and grow the strong bond too.
Ask for what you need.
Express what you really think.
Be willing to expose your feelings.
Say what you want.
Give not just your partner a chance to understand you and help the relationship flourish. But more than that, give yourself a chance to know you, accept you and love you for who you are.
Nothing that you feel is kiddish, if something is bothering you it’s better to talk it out, vent it out. :)

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Anonymous

Hʟʟᴏ

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hi

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Anonymous

Does every long term relationship comes to a point where one person feels stressed and feels like they need a break?
Is that normal or a red flag?

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hello!
In every relationship, there comes a point when either one or both the partners feel stressed or need a break. And it’s normal.

However, it’s difficult for me to say if it’s normal or a red flag for you with this little information. The impact of being stressed, can be seen in many areas, including relationships. So, in such a situation communicating the same and discussing it with your partner shall definitely help you. :)

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Anonymous

Thank you so much for your advice!
We are trying to talk it out and discuss bit my partner keeps repeating one thing that he’s not understanding what he is feeling because he never felt this way before. All he knows is that something or some things are bothering him and causing him a lot of stress and he cannot categorise what it exactly is. When i tried asking him is this relationship one of the things or does he feel he needs a break from us his answer was I Don’t Know.
I didn’t understand how to take that answer. Whether to feel hurt because he suddenly is so unsure about this or what. All i know is i want to help him and make everything work.

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

When we love someone, we often feel distressed when we actually see them troubled. And we want to help them as much as we can, but I just want to say one thing that, you can only help someone who comes you to help and someone who wants some sort of help.
Your way of helping him might not be the same way he’s seeking help.
You can actually give him sometime to figure everything out. And then you can openly have a communication about the same.
Communication is a very major aspect between partners in any relationship. :)
Hope this helps.

Ashish Kumar @rdx

I need girlfriend

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hey! I’m not sure how can I be of any help in this situation.

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Anonymous

I having a hard time trusting my girlfriend bcoz of some recent events…im trying to be open to her and give her benefit of doubt but this is hurting me…i feel like i should just leave everything behind and get as far away from her as i can…but i also allot of love towards her and genuinely wants to spend my life together…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hi, building trust once broken can be hard and take a lot of time. I would suggest you to take it slow and try building that trust again, try to communicate the same to your girlfriend. It will help her to understand how you are feeling about the whole situation, and explain it to her how she can help you with the same. However, this can only be done in case you wish to resolve and continue the relationship with her.
Many times, one partner in a relationship cheats and seeks comfort out of the relationship when the thing they expect from their partner is not being fulfilled. So trying to fill the void with going out of the relationship.

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Anonymous

That was helpful Ma’am…i really appreciate your advice…and yes we both communicated well today and expressed a lot of vulnerability…i guess thats the secret to lasting love…to show vulenraibility

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Anonymous

I had a rough breakup several years ago. We got back together after that and she broke up with me again a few years ago. I think I have only been able to get over her last year that I don’t try to msg her but she still comes across my mind every now and then. I have tried relationships with many other girls after that first breakup but haven’t been able to move ahead with any of them. At this point I have been alone for so long that I think there is something wrong with me. I deeply crave intimacy, both physical and emotional, and not regularly getting that has become very frustrating for me. Any words of wisdom for me?

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hello, getting over a break up can be difficult. Understanding your situation, closure is an important aspect after break up.
It does not necessarily mean that you talk to her and end things for good. But, you need to consciously figure this out for yourself that the relationship is over and you have to move on. Accepting how you felt during the whole relationship, while break up and even after so many years, is important.

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Might also suggest you to get some professional help in this situation. :)

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Anonymous

Thank you! I will try to seek a professional’s help soon.

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Anonymous

Hi mam
I had really bad experiences in past relationships , and mostly it was my fault.
I have a guy friend whome i met online , we have been talking for over 1 year and he is from another city, i met him once in real , we are really similar and we like talking to each other. I wanna take this to next step but cuz of distance we dont wanna have long distance relationship as its never gonna work. I am gonna move to his city for my futher studies and then i guess its gonna work out but i am really confused i might ruin this also. I really really like him. What should i do??

Profile picture for Now&Me member @yamini_punj

Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hello, being fearful of losing something good is normal. How you’re feeling is actually right, but having this fear might actually keep you away from what could have been better than this friendship. And when you say that “it’s mosty my fault” keeping this thought and starting anything new, would only impact the new relationship.
If there is a pattern that you’re seeing in your relationships, then I’d suggest you to figure it out. So, you can rectify the same for your future relationships.
If you’re unable to, then go for therapy. It will be beneficial for you in a long run.
:)

Anonymous

There was a girl in my class, when i am in KG-1, & I like her soo much from that time only. Today I am 20+ years (age)… And i still like her. Is it true love?

But i dont have any contact with her. And once I find her instagram id… I just msg her " hii, i am your childhood friend"… But she blocked me. We never talked & meet before this.

She is a BTS fan, she is hardcore feminist.

I just thinking or planning that :
In future, when i will well settled… I will contact her and ask for marriage because i love her soo much.!!

Will she accept??

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

Hi. if you have such strong feelings for her. But what is stopping you to take that step now?
Not for marriage but, you can start knowing her now, and then see how you feel about her now, after almost 15 years.
15 years is a long time, and not being in contact with someone for the whole time,.
I would suggest you to start initiating at least being friends with her and get to know her first, before deciding something for yourself. :)

Anonymous

She don’t want any relationship with anyone at now. I am ready to do friendship but i am unable to be i touch with her.
I am afraid of being rejected for friendship too…
I don’t wanna loose her…

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Yamini Punj @yamini_punj

I think having and following a more realistic and pragmatic approach would help you more in this situation.
You never know what is the answer is, until and unless you ask it.
Our mind can trick us into making assumptions and so it’s important to always ask and then see.
Having fear of being rejected is understandable but to overcome it, it’s important to actually face it first.
Taking a few sessions, can help you more with this situation. :)

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