a mind @omax
once you’re past a specific point of frustration, you know there’s no going back.
you have died, but still, a zombie, living as an undead. that’s how it feels like.
have you ever touched a dead body? it will feel very cold and so rigid, so heavy.
I will never allow myself to appear needy or in a weak spot. NEVER. I Only got myself, others always check up for your weak spots so they could know where to hit, and how to use you.
it’s not about fear, literally, nothing scares me at this point. it’s about ego and pride. never give people the satisfaction of winning at my expense.
I am pretty much just a dead cold body. a zombie roaming around, with little care for living, waiting for the time to finally rest and find peace.
life is no more but a game. just get a higher score, just feed your pride.
I envy people who can experience love and attachment, I really do. maybe a heartbreak is painful, but lack of love is just dead-full.
you will never understand unless you actually live that experience. you can’t feel anything from anyone, and you feel so little towards others.
stuck with my pain and traumas, gotta keep all that in, what better choice have I got? I hate watching romantic movies, or anything that has love/romance in it, or anything related to that. it only triggers anger and hatred engulfing a dreadful amount of pain.
I know no one will ever care, and I know no one can empathize with that or even understand. I don’t even belong. and that knowledge in itself is painful.
suppressed screams as a child. living that world, you would think the pain ends when the world ends. oh no, those suppressed screams of hopelessness and pain will keep burning and burning and burning from inside. burning flames, not living inside hell, but hell is living inside you lol.
and then you wonder, how lucky this person is, he doesn’t experience fear or anxiety. even the lack of fear and anxiety is just wan. just wan. I have seen and experienced extreme levels of pain. that most things in life become too insignificant to me to be scary.
people have no idea, how lucky they’re feeling alive, feeling they’re a part of this world. not neglected, not banished or excluded in a burning freeze of cold of an endless void. idiots, lucky yet ungrateful for what they have.
I don’t want anything, but this endless pain to come to an end. some people live with unconditional love, while others live with unconditional pain.
I hear you
Maybe we can talk if you want ?