Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Okay so, took me a little while to write this but, I went to a farewell evening party with my friends and after 2 years, I finally met my crush from grade 6. I know it has been long, and I have had one other crush, but when I hugged him and felt his hand on my waist, I wanted to be his. Only his. To be able to kiss that face, laugh with him and bring back all memories. I still don’t know why I was so keen on meeting him. He even body shamed me in grade 6, and I felt pathetic. But I went on to like him anyways.
And we started to talk, and I wanted my friends to be gone from there as they were interrupting our conversation. I wanted it to be just me and him. There were a lot many things happening at the party - PDA, booze and what not.
So then, He told me he has had a girlfriend for the last 9 months and my heart dropped.
I don’t understand why I like him so damn much, he really does have that bad boy personality
I guess I just felt alone and lonely when I saw all the PDA and then him
God, what’s wrong with me