Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Okay, I’m that idiot who went on a date with a man even though I don’t like men. Our date is over. We are friends of three years, and he liked me since who knows. I went out of my house like a total homeless peasant because my mind, in my mind, I keep hoping that we’re just going on a friendly date. And then I saw him looking so gorgeous, wearing fancy clothes and even wearing shoes which he hates the most. He likes slippers more. He was gorgeous but that’s all there is to it. I was disgusted (😵). I was the whole time. He kept touching me on my back and rested his arm on my shoulder occassionaly and even held my hand which I refused, I tried my best to look obviously disgusted because I’m wearing face mask. And he didn’t stop. I don’t think he understands. This is the problem about me— I don’t ever speak up for myself. God knows how many times this has happened. How many “friends” had done the same things to me. I fucking hate it. When I got home, my family who never saw my face in different expression other than “I’m so done with life” look, watched me gag. I wanted to puke, bro. I really like him as a friend. I came out to him before as nonbinary and he was chill with it, I wish I had also told him that I like women and enbies and maybe queer men. I feel so violated, bro. I was so uncomortable, I can’t even describe it. How did I even manage to date straight cis men back then? HOW THE HELL BECAUSE I NEED DIRECTIONS.