Ok so idk where to begin where all this built up emotion came from but here goes nothing I’ve been depressed full of anxiety for as long as I can remember when I was around 5 I was molested I am a male My entire life I’ve been put down not by my own siblings or parents they are amazing but like aunts grandparents uncles cousins I would be blamed for everything no matter the situation even if I wasn’t even there I would be blamed I would be put down and be told that I shouldn’t t be allowed over their house cuz I’m bad and my entire childhood to now I’ve hung up with just girls my cousin who is my legit best friend and other friends I have that are girls I’ve only got along with girls I’ve just felt safer around them but anyway back to what I was saying my entire life I’ve been just treated like dirt I’ve never felt real true emotion from another person or loved one other then my siblings and parents but friends never really invited me places or cared enough to ask if I’m okay I’ve tried to off myself a few times but I can’t do that to my mom it would break her she already goes thru to much I’m now 21 still depressed I even lost all my weight but tell me why I’m still not happy I’ve become the body I’ve dreamt of but it’s just not it I just am not happy I cry a lot I feel like I’ll never find someone who will love me or care for me not even friends because I’m to emotionally taken from past events that caused me to become very closed with my emotion I’m very shy but hang with a popular group I hide behind a mask everyday to hide my emotions I can’t even go up to another person without stuttering or being shy it’s sad I feel sorry for my self why would I feel sorry for myself I just don’t know if it’s even worth it
That’s so sad bro
I am so sorry
I hope you have better days ahead :)
I hope you find someone who will love you for who you are
And who will take care of you:)
Thanks I appreciate that ❤️Really I do
🖤
If you ever feel sad and need someone to talk to
You can ping me here …
It’s hard talking to people abt stuff especially if you are that introverted
So vent out here as much as you want to
I am just a stranger :), and I won’t judge you
I really appreciate that I’ve never been one to even talk about emotions to anyone it’s hard it’s like I feel weird talking about it but I really can’t take it anymore but I will talk to you and vent I appreciate that a lot Truly 🤍
Yeah you can just ping me here…
Whenever I come online …I will definitely help you …
I kinda relate to your personality a lot…
Although I am much better at conversing with people now😂
Childhood trauma did that to me too…and my relatives blamed me too😂…
I try and talk to people even tho like everyone knows me and they all see is the mask I have to put in to hide what I truly feel I’m very nervous and anxious in crowds I really wish I was able to just talk to people and enjoy life but I have too much anxiety I wish my life was diffrwnt like I’ve tried to change I always do but it comes back and slaps me in the face I get scared going into any sort of conversation I stutter I overthink I wish I was like other guys my age that are outgoing but I never was the type of kid to just put myself in groups in friends that weren’t gilt so I feel like that’s also where my anxiety comes from because I was never able to go play with guys or have guy friends because I didn’t feel safe i just feel like who ever I will be friends with don’t want to be friends with me and they all feel bad that’s why they stay I shouldn’t t be like that but I am and I hate it
And I feel alone a lot I feel like I have no one to let me emotions out I have my family but they wouldn’t understand and I wouldn’t want to stress them out iver my stupid problems they don’t need to get stressed from me they go thru a already I wouldn’t want to put that on them
I totally get it …it was the exact opposite for me …I never had many girl friends
I am a girl though…but most of my friends are boys …I just dont kind of feel safe with girls …they can be bitchy and mean so yeah :/
And I suffer from social anxiety too…am part of a popular group…but I dont speak much :/
I stutter all the time
I stuttered on stage …I studied in an all girls school that was really competitive…and everyone made fun of me :'(
I was bullied as a kid by these girls …so yeah that’s the kind if thing right
But you gotta keep going right
You just cannot give up …that’s just not an option …you can always talk to me here …it might help you :)
I have a guy friend who I just tell everything…like literally everything…I just feel so much lighter ranting it all out
You can tell me here …I dont know you nor anything abt you …so yeah no judgement
And I can always give an objective view on the situation:)
I appreciate it I really do you all are amazing I just can’t stop this feeling that no one really Likes me from my friends or anything I feel like everyone gets annoyed even tho I know I don’t do anything to annoy them I feel like they rather not be seen with me I get it they are all girls and I’m the only guy in the group and they deserve to have girls night but why hide it I don’t care if anyone goes and does what ever even my friends but why keep it so secret it’s not that big of a deal I know I’m not gonna be upset over that but I just don’t know if I’ll ever be okay I legit cry myself to sleep at times I’m a 21 year old man I shouldn’t be crying myself to sleep but I can’t help it I get so emotional at times but I won’t ever show my emotions to anyone I never cried I front of anyone my mom knows when I’m upset but I tell her I’m not but I wish my life was diffrwnt and I can just speak to someone and let it all out but I can’t I wouldn’t let myself I shouldn’t be a bother to anyone or stress anyone out because I’m sad ifk I just needed to rant a bit thank you
Oh oh …that’s all right …completely alright …your feelings are valid , yeah …but think by stepping in their shoes too
What if they think that you might get hurt if they have a girls night …
My friends often don’t invite me to stuff like boys night or whatever
But they always call and inform me that they will be going to this place for guys night or something like that 😂
You know maybe you should talk it out with them …yeah …just keep calm …I can sense that you are really anxious right now …yeah
Like I don’t care that they go it never bothers me I get it girls need time for themselves but it’s not only to that even when it’s just going out even stuff I planned they will just go do it not only that like my friends are very good people but I get out down a lot they all don’t listen to me when I talk they think I’m dumb like that hurts but I’ll get over it I always since I was little had the shit end of things I’m used to it now
Maybe try talking it out with them …start with your cousin…maybe she would understand
So …you don’t have any guy friends? Not even one??
You could try making friends here …there are some really great people here …someone or the other would definitely help you …yeah
