3am Thoughts

I feel so frustrated and dumb, I feel like im always a shadow of my smart family, everyone is smart except me. Im not good at evrything I try to act like one but my mind is rlly empty im so discouraged and frustrated for the past 3 days. Evryone hates me, annoyed on me, evry time i do mistake ppl shouting and annoyed in me. I thought im strong and confident, I like to argue what i think is right online but when it comes to personal, my traumas, insecurities evrythng....... thats all i dont wanna cry so im not adding more 

Lonely

you cant go back change the beginning , but you can start where you are and change the ending

Other

Its my 26th birthday this month. I kind of feel empty.
🔸 Started therapy and gave up 4 weeks ago 
🔸Have been battling depression and anxiety with my family knowing it.
🔸My best friend is a stranger now. We have not met since 2020 and last call was 6 months ago, we fought.
🔸 Broke up with cheating partner. He is still texting me.
🔸 Stuck at home with narcissistic family due to pandamic.
 These things made me believe that nobody is there for me. Friends that were closest last year are now blocked. Ex who was my world, found his world is someone else. Than realise he was in wrong world.
Parents say i am allowed to go out n meet old friends, but say no exactly on the moment when i want to go. Work life also sucks....
I believe i have passed one third of my life... But have no idea where i am going. Whats there for me.... 

Guys who don't appreciate Taylor's song are red flag 🚩 

Music

I feel so done with myself. I feel guilty of I don't know what. It's like I don't deserve anything. 
Recently It was like my two bestfriends started to date. I was happy but slowly it was like they started keeping secrets and all. I felt like left alone. I have been controlling myself for months. But when I was at the last point of tolerance I flipped. I stopped talking to them. I tried a hell lot to sort things out but deep down I was like I can't accept the fact that the only people I thought would never do that, did. I felt so done with them. But at the end all of my anger rage sadness turned into anxiety and panic attacks. I was a hell of an extrovert person but I just turned into someone introvert. I used to be fun now I am just a boring one. I don't trust people anymore. Idk what's happening to me ... I want to die literally like hell is waiting for me to come. Idk what to do......I have became so mean lately. 

Depression

I feel so overwhelmed yr. Everything is just eating me up. I am tired of everything. I can't take it anymore.

Anxiety

How do I shake off this feeling of being completely useless

Suicidal Ideation

I'm very grateful for everything I have in my life and I'm literally living my dream life. Yet why do I feel very overwhelmed all the time, as if I need to work even harder. 

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