Nothing ever ends poetic, it ends and we turn it into poetry. All the blood was never once beautiful, it was just red

3am Thoughts

Who loves photography? Like it's your hobby. It could be bird/wildlife photography or just any type of pictures.

We could talk about it and share our work. Connect with me if you are interested.

Take Care 🧡

Affirmations

I want to be a dancer but I am not sure if it's really my dream or I am just misunderstanding. Can anyone tell me what to do to find out if it's REALLY my dream or not. 

Career

Good

Delusion

I haven't shared this with anyone but I got a dream which I remember vividly. 
The first one was a while ago.
Mummy aur mera bhai mujhe boht pareshan kar rahe the as usual jaise wo abhi kar rahe hain. Dono mujhe kabhi nahi samajhte hain. Ek team hoke agar mujhe thoda sa bhi gussa aata hai apne me aisi baatein karte hain jo mujhe zyada hurt karti hain. Mujhme anger issues hain, ik, par jab sab khatam hoke main rone lag jaati hu wo log aisi baaten karte hain ki ye to hai hi aisi pagal, humesha aise hi karti hai, mujhe to uski chinta hoti hai, kya karegi ye, nakhre hain bas iske. Wagerah wagerah. I can't stand them anymore. And this is the exact feeling jo mujhe sapne me dikhi, I was literally crying after getting up. Koi agar mentally weak feel kar raha hai, aur aapke jaise nahi sochta to kya aisa behaviour karna jisse wo aur toot jaaye, ye valid hai kya? Kab tak apne andar rakhu sab? Main pagal ho jaaungi aise. Ya to main sabse baat band kardu tabhi shayad main theek reh paaungi kyuki ye log including papa, ye log mujhe kabhi samajh nahi paayenge aur humesha negative hi bolenge mujhe. Weak pad jaati hu ye sochke ki ye hain to meri family aur intention aisi nahi hai par karte to wahi hain na wo log end me jisse meri haalat aur bigadte jaa rahi hai. Ek aur dream tha, jo 3 din pehle aaya tha. Main apne bachpan ke ghar me thi, bahar aangan me and what I see is mere papa mujhe kuchh to aakh me laga rahe hain with the intention of fighting and punishing. Mere mummy aur bhai bhi wahi hain. Main ro rahi hu par wo log fir bhi aise kar rahe hain. Side me meri ek friend aur uski family khadi hai, main ro rahi hu ki papa mummy wo log dekh rahe hain aise mat karo, main kaise mu dikhaungi unko, apan aur jhagda nahi karte par papa still wese kar rahe hain aur meri friend aur uski family has rahi hai mujhpe. Papa mere aakh me dale jaa rahe hain kuchh aur mummy kuchh bhi nahi kar rahi hai mujhe bachane ke liye helpless khadi hai, unko rok bhi nahi rahi hai. Itna bura aur bhayanak sapna tha ki mujhe sote sote rona aa gaya. I woke up in the middle of night crying like anything sat on the bed, cried for a long time. My father and mother who were asleep beside me didn't even care to see or maybe they were too asleep aur honestly, agar main unko jagati to wo log sach me mujhe aisehi bolte agle din ki main pagal hu ya fir papa to 100 percent ye baat kabhi jhagda jeetne me laate mujhe hurt karne ke liye. Isiliye maine kisi ko nahi bataya, koi samajh to pata nahi to kyu batana. 
Dono sapne the par feelings boht sach thi. Ye bata rahi hu taaki aap koi bhi ho atleast ek visualised tarike se samajh sako ki main kis mental state me hu abhi. Mujhe help chahiye professionally ya nahi ye main nahi jaanti. Bas sab hote huye bhi akele lagta hai aur dinbhar rona aata hai kyuki mujhe koi nahi samajhta aur mere saath koi nahi hai.
Also, tell me how to feel better about myself, I really really need it. Thankyou 

Mental Health

in a one sided love, trying to get over it but we are colleagues at work and its hard to get over someone you see and talk everyday,  😶‍🌫️, 

One Sided Love

I wish to be a better version of myself. I keep seeing changes in me and it makes me feel a bit relieved. I'll try to understand people better. I'll try to hate myself a little less and gain some confidence. I'll try to be calm and not blame myself all the time. It's gonna be a slow process but i am working on myself.
This is how things work. I can't give up. Not yet. There's a lot i still want to do and i won't stop untill i achieve those. My steps are very slow but at least they are steady. If i lack of determination and motivation I'll still do it.

Mental Wellbeing

Got 89.75 percent in my ISC and feel like I will not get into any college. CUET has been postponing like hell so no idea there. Applying to my colleges in my hometown but still have not made in the any of the first merit lists. Mom assures me I will get into a good college only but I am not sure anymore.

Anxiety

Just a hug. A silent deep hug from your loved one. That's all it takes to forget every sorrow. Peace in the mind. In the chaotic mind. 
Is it too much to ask for! 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts