Not feeling too good I think I want to talk but still in a confusion that my friends will judge me too 🙁🙁

I wish she could be the same ,   i saw in my dream miss you 😢😒

3am Thoughts

Feeling very low n anxious about my life... Don't know what sould i do... Charm of life is gone...

There are some people in relatives family who are indulge in Blackmagic.
I don't  know wat to do. They just torture us physical.mentally



Family

I always hide my real feelings because I don't wanna break the mood in the house. But today maybe something triggered it and I don't know what it is but it was just too much. My mood was fine then in a snap it just changed and it became sour. This also happened before. It's just that I always feel pressured in anything that I do. Even if it's a small matter. I always feel like I'm a failure because I have such high expectations from all of my family including myself. Most of the time it's not like this, I could always control it till the end of the day then at night when I'm alone I just let it out. I don't want to burden to tell it to anyone surrounding me because I don't wanna burden them specially my family. They already have tons of problems in their plate. Also we are currently fostering someone, and that just added more responsibilities and problems for them. I don't wanna create more. I don't want them to feel like they neglected me or sum like that. I also blame myself for everything. I always think that because I was born, then this happened. I think like that because I am most probably an accident child. My mother got pregnant before the wedding. And my mother's family hates my dad and just made their relationship worst because they sabotaged his things. I have constant breakdowns. I also overthink too much. I always think that my parents deserve a much better child than me and that I shouldn't be alive...

So as a girl who is committed to someone
Do i have to ask a guy to hang out if i wanna catch up with him just as a friend (he texted me today out of nowhere) but I'm not sure if he does cuz we have kind of a history?
But I'm not sure if he would wanna hang out with me (comitted or not)

Conflict

I’ve been struggling with family for as long as I can remember and it’s not that I don’t have people to go to because I have my sister and a close friend, it’s just that I’m scared of what will happen to them and they mean so much to me, my parents are both alcoholics and always fight, sometimes my dad gets really angry because I yell back at him to defend my mom and my dog and he hit me once. I was recently self harming, and that friend from before found out, I knew I would never do it again after I saw the look on her face. People from school never really liked me, the only ones who talked to me when I was younger would yank my hair or beat me to the point where I was covered in bruises and marks, and my parents never cared to notice. Around sixth grade it started getting better because of a few people at school, but my situation at home was still getting worse. They would drink, be grumpy in the morning from hangover, and then drink more after work. This all continued to spiral me down into a form of depression and suicide attempts, I never actually committed because there are three people who have convinced me they care and I couldn’t live (or die) with myself if I ever hurt them. This is only a little bit of my problems but people probably won’t read all of this so ._. Anyways have a nice day I suppose!

Alcohol

Yeh dolma aunty literally naam k vjh se hi momos sell krti h nhi toh kuch bhi taste nhi h  ..... 

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