Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Not as great as I’m supposed to.

Hello there,
I’m gonna talk about myself a little I’m 10BIT, for good reasons I want to keep myself anonymous. It’s also my gamer pseudonyme for anyone wondering where it came from. I’m 23 and I’m interested in everything that’s analytical and logical, games, cooking, puzzles, riddles, music and anime.
Right now I’m in a really bad state of mind and I kind of blame myself over it and quite reasonable so.
Over the past 3 years or maybe my entire life up until now I’ve been running around about subjects that interest me, in 2011 I studied social sciences for a year (was mostly interested in it because there was a part of psychology and mainly cooking every week), next 3 years I studied arts like basics of architecture and ended up in interior design and that year was the dark year, since everything fell down, my childhood friend committed suicide and my ex cheated on me with her ex, it was in 2014-2015, I had to sit my 11th grade again since I switched program and I chose to do chemistry which I had a lot of fun but in my first year of joining in, I was still recovering and I chose to just try to listen, understand and to sit another year despite my homeroom teacher telling me to give up since my grades weren’t great at all. Next year, I finally passed my 11th grade with flying colours and even surprised a lot of teachers, especially my homeroom teacher, although I didn’t do much that year and I even skipped on homework most of the time. Guess all that listening and taking my time strategy pulled off.
Passed my 12th grade with ease as well, with only history as my working point (I’m not interested so I mostly neglected it).
In college-university 2018-2019 I chose forensic studies since I really liked chemistry, puzzles, calculations and physics. Studying it was another story I didn’t like it as much as I wanted it to and I quickly dropped out. Had a gap year to explore what else I could be studying and I tried some trial jobs here and there and my dad put me in a restaurant, and I knew restaurant wasn’t my thing or the restaurant where I was working at had a poor communication system, they did speak but they just gave me directions with their eyes as if I knew what they were asking me to fetch and do, also worked overtime most of the time but they did pay me with black money. So I quit that job. Then I continued looking for subjects that I was interested in and try them out. Programming, having a bit of fun and it is hard without a proper mentor. Tried udemy and I can say that the concept is pretty good but it’s not for everybody. At least not for me.
Currently I’m studying Data Science (with the thought that the covid would somehow be solved this year though already hypothesizing that the virus would synch up with the influenza season, but man was I wrong about the first part) and at the beginning I was very excited, I did every homework that came my way and tried to help everybody and made an environment where we could help each other. But I started to let my guard loosen up a bit and I started to tumble, and tumble, over and over again. My wifi connection is pretty shit, and it was pretty impossible to go to a library during the first semester. So I started to skip class since my internet was having issues and the professors actually suck at teaching online compared to offline and I can’t blame them, and so I made excuses. So you can see it’s a downright spiral for me which I dug myself into. I know somewhere along the line I could have asked help and set myself upright, although having solutions for everyone’s problems it seems that I can’t help myself or know how to do so.
I tried to go to my friend’s house to attend class but what I did there most of the time was cooking for them.
Right now, I’m very close to the exam period and I have no idea how to set myself upright so I can be ready for them and not fail this program since they don’t give me a second chance I think.
And I still have some underlying issues that I still need to resolve aside from academic problems. Thinking about taking a break from it. Taking therapy sessions to solve my problems and doing jobs at the same time. Before I tackle college-university again. I feel like I’m running out of time, with all the running I’ve been doing.
At this point I just want someone to give me a piece of mind to get me on track again before it’s too late.