No one knows how much I cried last year. Well it's been the same since couple of years. But its getting better in different ways. Trying to find a way love myself. Hope this year gives strength to face everything that comes along.

I wish you the best and hope you succeed. If you ever need to talk I’m here. 

You are so strong, I know you would make to all of your mental health goals! Just keep swimming ❤️

Mental Health

The only friends I have I communicate with via text/video call (sometimes). I moved away from my home country and I’ve been here since 2017. I don’t think I’ve made any real effort to make friends. I’m very scared of being known yet I yearn for connection. I told myself I’d make an effort this semester at school and I don’t intend to go back on it. Sometimes the loneliness is just too much, though. I’m also afraid of being “too much” for people. Whenever I feel that I’ve gone too far it sends me into a downward spiral of dejection (which I am in right now). I think maybe I’d rather not be known than to have to dilute myself because that is not just another form of loneliness, it’s rejection too.

Here I am again dealing with my ineffable emotions that I don't know where is coming from. I guess I'm back again with those sleepless night thinking too much about everything and too scared to ask for help.

Anxiety

I've been living with anxiety since i can think of. I always feel anxious, overthink every stupid thing and ofen panic or have mental breakdowns. The worst part is that i know i am just overreacting but i can't stop it.

Especially school makes me feel like this. I feel soo anxious about exams or assignments i have to do, thats why i keep procrastcinating until i have no time left to do them and i panic even more. The pressure is really strong on me.

I feel so lonely and i have nobody to talk to about my demons i have to fight every single day. There is really nobody that cares enough. Everyday i feel so down and depressed it's been like this for years and it's getting worse each day. I genuenly don't feel happyness anymore and i am suffering in silence. I don't want to kms but i don't want to live either. But i can't live like this anymore and i want to end my pain.

Depression

I knew I was never important to them just didn't have the courage to leave but now that I left I can't
seem to be stable anymore.

How to handle mood of gf during periods?

Sexual Health

The child in us is enthusiastic, wants to be heard, be happy. 
Why don't we often listen to that voice? 
Why do we always let our maturity get in the way. Once we decide to listen to that child in us, we start being free ourselves. 🕊

3am Thoughts

I love someone who is my first love who entered my heart. Few years ago i breakup with him. When i see him some years ago. I feel soo weird why when i breakup with him this time i met a man who is my true love. I think why i  feel weird when i see him. 


As if i can go back and reassess why i am marrying this person whom I met once , and he said over message that he want to marry , from no where.As he has everything in his house and in life only missing is me ,as what he used to say . And me the naive one never ever been in any short of  relationship, could like to consider him and give a try how much bad it can happen, just that i challenge myself.i fall from him day by day and he used to keep me unseen for a day or week, i don't know we are in relationship or not when i used to come back in the city he never put up any effort to meet. And this way 1.5yr passed, i change my city and choose his place to work , and married him within month after joining , as he say to told my parents and marriage everything about us and we are from different cast, so there is repercussions so in hurry he convinced me to marry as after marriage or if it take longer having baby will change there midset. And i being in marriage 2.5yr and in my last month of pregnancy nothing change from my parents side, i even didn't saw them since then , they just leave in 10-15km away from me. And now the cause why i am reassessing is i have trust issue with him, he make up stories, about each and everything, he always stuck with his phone, never ever leave his phone , even if have to charge , get charge in different room , i even don't know the password, but some how i mange to see his social media chat with different different girl, but at the same time older chats are deleted, these girls are married  having children, and he always used to say he sleep early once he slept its difficult to wake him up but now due to my insomnia i saw him over is phone typing or chating in odd hours , and as i asked him, he secure his guard high evertime, and put  blame on me, that he can't have friend, he only talk to peoples if ever its necessary and its only related to work and its all because of me because i keep on questioning him. And how loyal he his he come back direct home after office never ever go or hang with friends, and as per record he said to me he never have friends and a good child always. He used to have gf in his college and he didn't told me anything about it and there is some seen about it, means having involvement of police and all (as he said later on that police man was her relative) i still don't know the whole story, as they go together outside country for higher study so i think there must be something strong between them and it was good 5-6yr relationship, seeing his past and now what he is doing write now, i am in guilt now and can't figure out my future or there is what other hidden truth to be unfold.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts