My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. I’m pretty sure she’s been cheating on me since the very beginning but at this point that’s not even the worst of it. She lies about anything and everything. We are constantly in financial trouble even though we make good money. She lies about what she’s doing and what she’s spending. She lies about the kids creating all kinds of problems and animosity. Over time I’ve become distant from other people because I don’t want to lie to cover her lies, but I’m too embarrassed to tell people what she is. Eventually people figure it out at which point we lose all of our friends or end up moving (or both). I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried leaving. In the past I’ve done it the wrong way by cheating myself and trying to push her away. The last time I caught her cheating she involved my 17 year old daughter and had her lying for her. I tried to leave her then and it was the worst, most traumatic thing I’ve ever put my kids through. She completely used them and played off of their pain. She told them gritty details of what I’d done wrong in the past. She screamed and cursed and threatened to kill herself right in front of the kids. I knew then that I would just have to suffer through this. I could never put my kids through that again. Maybe someday when they are all adults I can try again, but I just don’t know.
Sorry to hear that buddy. But all that’s left to do now is really just have an honest conversation. Just ask her if she can take out time and sit down. Get a cup of tea and be open with each other. You have to resolve this like an adult, because the two of you need to decide what youre doing, because where is this headed honestly? and if your daughter is 17, i’m sure she knows something is wrong, so i’m sure she’ll understand if the two of your broke up. You really need to move on to something that isn’t toxic. And the only way to move on or stay in this relationship is only if you truly know each other’s intentions. Don’t accuse her, don’t fight. Just ask her what she wants, state what you want. And then see if you can meet in the middle. Just be honest, and expect the same from her. Handle this with care, that’s the only way you could resolve your issues. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. But don’t linger on or hold on to that toxicity anymore xxx