My parents have travelled abroad and it’s been two weeks now. Me and my sister are living together and we were doing fine until few days back. I don’t know what it was I was in super irritable mood and she was annoying me so I got angry and just locked myself in a room. She came and knocked on my door asking if wanted to have lunch but I was still pretty pissed off so I said no. Then she got angry and smashed something at the door, when I opened to see what happened, she screamed at me. I don’t think anyone has screamed at me like that before not even my parents shouted at me so bad. I was even more frustrated, angry and pissed. I shut the door and locked myself in the room and lost it. I smashed up few things. She heard all of these and started cursing at me to open to door. I don’t know what happened after that, I saw a paper cutter in my stationary stand, I just took it, opened the door and slashed my wrist. She saw that and slapped me twice on my face hard. No one has ever raised their hand on me, not my parents, no one. Not even their voice.
I did not even realise I cut myself purposely. I did not even think I would do such a stupid thing. I’m not a person to become so weak. I don’t know what happened, everything seems so blur to me. I don’t know what to do. I have been beating up myself about it. I have not been eating properly, sleeping excessively even studying and working out doesn’t seem to be doing any good for me. I have my exams coming up in 5 days, I haven’t been able to concentrate. All I can think about what has happened, why did I do it, I never do these kind of things no matter how difficult things are. And sometimes dark thoughts creep in.
I just don’t understand was it wrong of to be get angry in the first place, aren’t I allowed to cool myself down. I know myself, if I’m angry or annoyed I just lock myself away for a while and get back up again. Don’t I get some time off to be calm.
Honestly I’m scared, I’m really scared. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t what to do. I don’t know if I should tell my parents about cutting myself. They know we fought and she hit me all but not about this. I don’t know what to do next. Should I get help?