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Anonymous

My mind is all messed up. The place where I live is very toxic according to me. I study in class 9. All my neighbours and my friends are obsessed with their boyfriends and they keep mocking me for not having one. They love sexual interaction. I began to hate relationships even though I’m have no experience. It’s common for boys to smoke and drink (without their parents knowing). I don’t like to talk to my friends but I guess I have to as friends are also a very important part of our life. I wanna get out of all these and focus on my goals but they keep manipulating me. I have no idea how to get out of these toxic place.

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banisinghvasir

Hey Anon,
I can understand how difficult it is to stay away from one’s environment. And I can understand how hard it is to interact when all the people your age are doing something that you feel is so unimportant. However, the good news is, you realise you’re above all that and that you have goals.

Now, how to stay away from all this: First and foremost, dedicate yourself to your goals, limiting your interaction to your older friends as much as is possible.
Now, if possible, try to interact with those who values match yours. I know this is easier said than done, but if you really look and concentrate you’ll find somebody with whom your wavelength matches. There would be kids like you who feel that what their friends are doing is a waste of time and that they want better things in life. Try to talk to those, and shift your circle of acquaintances (again, if possible).

More importantly, involve yourself in global programs, courses or whatever extra-curricular you enjoy so that you can involve yourself in that community.

The bottom line is, how you think and feel, is rare and while that’s great, it might be hard to find your tribe, people you vibe with or those that feel the same way as you do about certain things. It might be time-consuming, but then it’ll be worth it in the end, trust me!

I know you feel maintaining some level of social interaction is important, and you’re absolutely right about it. But perhaps if you don’t like the conversations you currently have with your friends, then maybe you can introduce them to some activities you like. Perhaps playing a game with them, or whatever else it is that you’d rather do.

Anonymous

Thanks ❤❤

s

Hey!
Firstly, it is not important to have a relation or to have a “man” in your life for sexual pleasures. I am not in a relation and i haven’t been in one till date (College graduated). To all these people who are saying just say it on their face: ‘I’ll have one when I want one and when I’ll feel for someone. It’s my choice and your take will not change up my mind’. When they know that you have a strong opinion on whatever you do/say, they will stop poking rather accept it and close the topic.

Secondly, smoking and drinking is not wrong but being an addict is wrong as it harms in every possible way. Not only boys but women (without their parents knowing) too do this. So it’s really not a gender thing to talk about.

However, don’t force yourself to be friends with whom you feel are toxic, they in no manner are going to benefit you in the long run. We tend to become one with our friend’s influence. It get’s important to choose the right people surrounding us. They can only manipulate you if you are allowing them to do which means you are allowing them to get in your mind as you don’t believe strongly onto something or feel they are right in everything they say. Have your own stand, stand by what you speak, be open to different perspectives and make them listen to yours.

It’s easy if you are determined to get out of these people and make up that ‘No, they are not right for me, it’s hard but I can because I am my priority and I have to do this for myself. I’ll make new friends who are like me and have a same mindset if not 100%’.

Anonymous

Thanks a lot, your words were so motivating.
I feel students of my age be it a boy or a girl should not smoke or drink at all. There is a age for these stuff. I am staying away from them , we talk only during festivals. But seeing almost all my friends in relationships and reciting me their life…sometimes manipulates me.

s

Yes. Class 9th is too small to be into all this. Infact relations and their meanings are not clear to you all, they just feel they have someone and find it cool to say “I have a BF/GF”. The real meaning and everything will come to you when you grow up.

Don’t let these little and stupid things get to you. If they do or they already are, it will effect you which you are. You will be in one when you feel it right. Just give time, you have hell lot of time for all this. Focus more on studies and your hobbies/interests. Explore different sides sitting home. These things will benefit you and not any relation.

Anonymous

Thanks a ton ❤❤