Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

My love life is always drowning, I got rejected by a guy I had a crush on…got rejected twice by him…and after that I couldn’t dare to express my feelings to anyone I had a crush on…It’s been more than 5 years and I finally installed dating apps and texted some guys. And I felt the connection with just one guy…trust me it’s hard me to like people or believe people can like me…but I really really liked this guy…idk after how long I felt like this. After chatting for a week, he wasnt responding to me…so I texted him and asked him to be honest if doesn’t like me (I was kinda expecting that he wouldn’t like me)…but then he told me that he was just busy and asked me not to be mad! And he was always flirting, so was I…and now all of a sudden he has been ignoring me for the past 2 weeks…and I was sending him positive messages thinking he was just busy…but he didnt even read my snaps…still sends me the “streak snap”…I couldnt give up on him…it felt like losing a good chance…I didnt want to assume anything…I just wished he could be honest with me…but maybe I was expecting for too much coz he had the time to add insta stories but couldn’t read my texts…and I felt like I was being toxic coz…he didnt share his insta but it was easy for me find given he has a unique name…and I was coming up with theories so that I could tell myself that he’s actually busy and not texting someone else…I couldnt help myself…it made me feel like shit…like I was being so obsessive and toxic…so I sent him one last text where I honestly expressed my feelings…gave him my insta and phone number if he wants to reach back and removed him from my snapchat. I was devastated after that…it felt like I shouldn’t have done that but I needed to do it…but later that night…I felt a lot better…but again today…I am having mixed feelings. And i regret every decision from downloading dating app to removing him from snapchat. I don’t know what to do…and it’s killing me that I was being toxic. I shared this with my best friend and she called me toxic too…I don’t know how to live with this…Now I feel like I shouldn’t love or like anyone else ever again. Just confessing here…idk whom to share this with.