Thought

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Anonymous

My life was great till 2 months back, I had a perfectly good lifestyle, I had a great job, I travelled a lot, I had lots of independence . No one questioned what I did, and I never misused any of the freedom. TBH I was such a workaholic and weekends was me time, I never even had time for a proper relationship.
2 months back I got married. It was an arranged marriage, to a really nice guy whose family we know well. He is settled abroad and was completely supportive of my ambitions. In fact he himself wanted someone who wanted to work/pursue masters. Since getting a work visa abroad is almost impossible I decided to pursue my masters there so I can get a work visa n then get a job.
( Just a background I come from an extremely orthodox family, where girls aren’t even allowed to work, my parents gave me a little freedom compared to the rest of my relatives for which they were condemned in society)
TBH there was nothing for me to say no to the boy, cause that’s possibly the best I’d get in arranged marriage in my community, plus by now my parents were also in a stage where they expected me to get married soon ( n btw I’m just 24), n I couldn’t let them down after all they’d done for me.
I was never forced into this marriage, my parents were completely fine with me saying no to the guy as long as I agree to meet some others. The guy is extremely sweet too n finally got married 2 months back.
Now we enjoy the few days we have together, after which my husband returns abroad, waiting for me to join him. Cause the visa and admissions process takes time I’m still here.
Sorry for the long backstory.
Everyone told me to quit my job and focus on admissions and spend last few months at home with parents and that you won’t get such a time again.
I quit my job n came home. Worst mistake of my life. Everyone is so happy to have me here, but I’m losing my mind. It’s been a month since I’m home n possibly 3 more months to go. I feel completely useless, I also found out I was up for a huge promotion when I quit, which broke my heart. I tried picking up hobbies, but my mind just doesn’t sit. I don’t sleep well, I don’t feel like eating . I would love to travel, but my friends are all working/studying.
Now that I’m married no one’s letting me go on a solo trip. I feel like I’m imprisoned at home. Though given all the freedom at home. I spend hours together staring blankly at walls, pondering if I really needed all this. I’ve been crying a lot. Ive lost faith, confidence in myself and my own identity. I’ve reached a point where nothing anyone says is affecting me. I think I’m losing my mind. Idk how long I can take this. I don’t think I’m in a position to talk to my parents about this, cause they are genuinely trying the best for me and can’t understand. I can’t talk to my friends about this either. N though my husband calls me up everyday I can’t tell him this either cause he misses his family n thinks I’m so lucky to spend time with family. TBH I’ve never been someone who felt homesick or needs family around.
I know this sounds trivial, but I loved working and loved my life and everything changed so drastically and I feel so useless that I can’t deal with this anymore.

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3 replies

No one 111 @jarul

You now know better. You will leave soon and you never really have to see your family again. Think of it as a learning experience.

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Anonymous

thank you for giving a context. having been through this emotion of sort of everything going in your favour, and still not knowing why you are not happy is what i’ve felt to. so i can totally relate. i think it is normal to feel this way at 24, because I’m 22 and i don’t see how i will fit into a marriage, because im not ready just yet. so it is very normal to feel this way. i think it is the regret of quitting your job, plus leaving home and not having your husband around and the general anxiety of your life changing completely for you. i can understand why you must be feeling futile without your work and your job. it is so natural to feel all this, and frustrating too. please don’t feel guilty about feeling this way. your husband is your closest, best friend. try to confide in him and maybe he can understand what you’re going through, because after all you will be spending the rest of your lives together so it is good to have an open, healthy understanding with one another. he’ll probably feel worse if he knew you were in pain and couldn’t talk to him about it. perhaps if you feel more productive that way, you could put your mind towards your preparation for your masters. these are just suggestions which i’m assuming will help you feel better, but you must do as your heart says. whatever will make you feel happy or at ease, do that. and you don’t have to take the guilt for that, you too have been a good daughter and wife and you deserve to live YOUR life too, specially when there is nothing wrong with it and it is not harming anybody. you can probably try to find an all girls trip that is going, everyone may be comfortable with that? there are times in one’s lives when we feel useless, and you know what that’s alright. live that period out, because one day you’ll just get up and say I’ve had enough of this, I don’t want to cry anymore and that’s when you’ll bounce back, stronger than ever before. i know all this is easier said than done, but if you can express it, you can do it. you’ll get there, don’t you worry. do let me know what you decide to do, but without the pressure. at your own pace, and comfort.

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Anonymous

Thank you whoever you are. I feel so much better reading your response cause I didn’t think anyone would ever understand what I was going through. Everyone just assumes my life is great and I have no right to complain.
You just made me feel so much better that there’s someone out there who gets what I’m saying.
Thanks for all the suggestions and the positivity, it’s definitely something I needed at this point. I will consider all this and move forward . For now I guess I need some time to just accepts the situation for what it is and decide to move on.

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