My Life is Going Good but I'm feel very lonely, I have no one to share my feelings, I don't know what I do... 

Confusion

Been using dating apps for a while while most of my friends have encountered casual relationships , whenever I ask someone they dont want a casual relationship 

3am Thoughts

Why does watching intense movies (horror, action, thriller, suspense) helps me calm down my thoughts and eases the heavy feeling.

There's a guy eventually he is my senior ...i had a little crush on him!  We never talked to each other nd it was almost 1 year  finally somehow we strtd talking ...everything was fine until we stepped into more than friends thing but we weren't dating too..! He is complicated kinda person i have never seen anybody like him.

But the fucked up part is ...he has a room mate who is his bestfriend too!! Nd that guy talks to me...share things we are kinda good friends...nd my crush knws that too ...! 
But  now i went wth the best friend  ( room mate) guy out we went to lounge ..drank few drinks we were high  ..nd in that moment   unexpectedly we kissed ...nd  i felt it was wrong ..! Idk 

Next day the best friend (room mate) guy called  me nd said that he told  my crush  that we kissed nd my crush asked him ques abt how did we end up doing that ...! 

After that my crush stopped talking to me , if i call also he talks to me rudely idk if he is angry for  me kissing that guy ..or he has just  lost interest kinda thing . 
There is so much more to this story . I wish i could write everything .

But my crush guy told me at strt that he never gets attached to anybdy much nd  he wont feel jealous if i do anythng with anybody 
So i m confused now he is not talking to me because he is angry nd jealous fr wt i did or he simply lost interest.
 


Next day the guy i kissed tol

Crush

I'm growing
when I learned to accept that
there are things that I really want
yet not for me and there are things I never wish to have but meant for me.
I think
April is not for me.😇🙂

I had trust issues with my mom since i was child. She didn't believe me when someone try to sexually violate me at the age of 10. She even made me believe that i was taking a diabetes test but it was a pregnancy test at age of 17 when there was little irregularity in my periods, i saw test results weeks later hided in her cupboard, i didnt had a boyfriend at that time and me and my dad were reluctant on not doing the pregnancy test but she lied me in to because gynac ordered for the test. It hurts bad after knowing she lied. Now in current scenario iam mother of a 5 month old girl and living with my mom. I saw my baby coughing up out of nowhere every day for sometime tried to come with reason but in vain because i wasnt having any cough and cold neither any family member. I usually woke up late for obvious reasons like late night feedings. Till then maid is done with my baby massage and bath. I kept made because the pregnancy was really tough and i had c section plus the fear of breaking bones never let me massage my baby. Yesterday when i woke up early for my baby vaccine i saw the maid massaging my baby, it was fine until i saw maid coughing in her hand and then without washing just resuming back to massaging. I was shocked and i was freezed didnt said a single but same night made up my mind of telling her not to do it again or leave the job. I told my mom that if i couldn't get up on time she has to say it and guess what she answered back "iam not gonna hurt her by saying this, you are the mother you say it iam not gonna say anything at all let her do her work"
This conversation ended here because as usual i didnt answered back nor did i stand for my daughter as well
Now iam in the middle of the night thinking about how iam going to stand for my daughter tomorrow and at the same time thinking how over the years mom never trusted me and never took my side. Yes i was mischeavous child but i dont deserve the behaviour or treatment i got from you mom
P.s in real i usually call her aunty or refer her as aap but for reference i call her maid over here. I really dont disrespect her at all
But this thing that happening with daughter is actually unacceptable for me

Motherhood

I wish I could cry over a man that isn't my father 

I feel like my life was wasted I broke up with my bf and two month later he in prisn he asked me to wait for him and I did 8 years later he got out and I moved two hours  away from my family   4 years after moving my life he asked me to marry him and our whole marriage was like we were room mates no sex no sleeping in the same room and now we are divorced and I'm stuck in a town that I know no one and I shut me self off from the world bc his charges was a sex offense  and he was on probation from 15 years  I feel like a fool and a dumb ass I just want to leave 

How to deal with a toxic parent. No care no Support 😖

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