My grandfather is 80 years old. He’s done some bad and unethical things in his life- Links with the mafia, extramarital affair, going to jail, several lawsuits. My parents tell me that he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Throughout my childhood I barely had any relation with him, we weren’t in touch. My parents never allowed me to get close to him and I would always hear my dad and aunt say “We’re ashamed of being his children, we hate him”. We as a family never even met him. In 2017 my grandfather got diagnosed with cancer and he is terminally ill. After this incident we started meeting him but not very regularly. Whenever we used to go to his house I used to get anxious and nervous as he was like a stranger to me.
For the past three months I’ve been going to his house daily. We talk for 35-40 mins everyday. The more I talk to him I realise he’s a very kind and nice person. I’ve become more comfortable with him and he even calls me. We both talk about a variety of topics and I look forward to meeting him everyday. For the first time in my life I felt loved. He cares for me and tells me anecdotes and snippets about his life he’s told nobody else. Today he told me that the past three months have been the most memorable for him. He considers me his best friend. He also told me that me that for the first time in his life he felt that his family loves him. After hearing this I got really emotional. I genuinely feel like my grandfather and I have developed a strong bond.
My parents now want to me to stop going to his house as they feel he’s influencing and manipulating me. How do I convince them that he’s not as bad as they think? He’s a really nice person but nobody ever bothered to hear the story from his side. Nobody ever gave him a chance to speak and justify himself. How do I tell them to give him a second chance?
Hi Raghav, sounds like a very tough situation but if you have forgiven your grandfather for whatever he has done in the past and have been able to accept him for what he is, I think you should continue doing that. Love him, care for him and be there for him.
Your parents may not have been able to forgive and forget and that is why they aren’t able to give him a second chance. I think you should not force them to believe you(about your grandfather being a new person)now either.
Sometimes people are not bad…situations make them act a certain way. And if you believe your grandfather is a changed man or if he’s actually a kind man, then try to come to terms with your parents. You will have to strike a balance between your parents and grandfather. You’ll have to meet your parents half-way as well as you completely cannot ignore their advice as well