Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

My girl best friend and I argued a year ago and we don’t talk with each other ever since, at first I was pretty sad because we were no longer friends but I wasn’t feeling guilty. A Few days before that happened I was hanging out with the boys on a discord server and one of my friends send us this one picture of her, I ask my friend where did he get the picture, he said he screenshotted it from her Instagram highlight so I didn’t care that much because he got it from her Instagram, so I told the boys not to talk about it again and move on with another topic. She found out about it when one of my friends told her, she messages me and says that I didn’t care for her and she said that she is very disappointed. I was in an awkward spot at the time because I don’t know what to say to her, I explain to her what happened that night and she didn’t trust me whatsoever. I was sad obviously but I knew what I did that night and I told the boys about what happened. We don’t talk to each other since that day, and that missing her feeling started to fade away after a few months. Then, our school reopened last month and when I looked at her at school, I started to miss her again and I just want to talk to her like we used to but it was too awkward for both of us. I miss her that I started to have a dream about her and I was crying in the dream. It felt really weird because I never missed someone that much before, it felt like the crying was so real that I actually started tearing up when I think about it. So I message her a few weeks ago saying that I’m so sorry for what happened and I told her that I really miss her, she said that this is too awkward and only if I apologies to her sooner things wouldn’t be this awkward. I felt like she didn’t accept my apologies but I understand her feeling. Every time I looked at her at school I got really sad and I tried a few times trying to talk to her but I don’t have the guts to do it, every time I got close to her in the class I can’t even look at her for one bit I just felt so numb every time we got close. Then for some reason, I started to catch feelings for her and it felt so stupid because I would never think of catching feelings for someone especially her, I miss her so much but I know she doesn’t miss me anymore.