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t

My eyes are paining at this point. He says, “ it will all be good, everything will turn out great eventually, you will move on too, after 5-6 months of marriage, you will feel good”
Is that it ??? How come every person tries to reason with breakup through
practicality ? That’s what they say BEING PRACTICAL. Is love , a taboo kinda thing ?
So if i love someone, but won’t be able to marry and to whom i would have to marry, just because he will be good specially financially and IT WILL BE ARRANGE MARRIAGE, i am supposed to get over my lover ? The chances of failure are 50-50 in any marriage, but how come when he say that he loves me and his cousin says, “ if something happens between you two, people will taunt your family “
I mean seriously??? Do they LOVE watching arrange marriage people fight ??? Is that a sign of love ? But if they are fighting and marriage is LOVE type, its a SHAME !!!
What the fuck ? And if in arrange marriage something happens between husband and wife, it will be okay for parents to feel guilty for the rest of their life ?? I mean THEY WILL BE OK, just because its an ARRANGE MARRIAGE !
It is so damn natural, fight can happen between any two individuals ,nature varies from person to person. BUT HELL NO, nothing implies on arrange marriage people!
Why the fuck society always tries to reason with love marriage ? So if something happens in arrange marriage, IS SUPPOSED TO BE FINE SUDDENLY? Just because its arrange marriage ? What the fuck is wrong with people ???
I just wanna scream so loud in these people’s ear till they bleed !
Its bullshit !!! 😭😭😭😭😭
I am at that point, where nothing excites me anymore, i was a person who loved to explore places, food. I wanted to explore the world. But now, i want all of this with him. If he is not here with me, nothing excites me. And its not the same for him. So many things are above me ,for him. I am not his priority, not even 2nd. But he is ,mine. I want to spend my life with him. But I can’t. He is trying to reason with every damn thing. He thinks that, maybe OUR LIVING TOGETHER WONT BE A GOOD THING FOR FUTURE !
He believes, whatever girl his parents will choose for him, will be good. But me, one the other hand, just can’t face any other guy !
I know the things he will do for his wife. He is such a nice person. 😔 i wanted him.

16 Comments
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Hey! I can feel how hurt you are and why wouldn’t you. I totally agree that Arranged Marriages in India are given so much priority over Love and honestly, the idea of living someone whom you never know scares the shit out of me. I am not against it but one should not normalise arranged marriages to a point where a person’s autonomy is hindered.

As far as the boy you’re talking about, I feel, that he is also has been blinded by what people consider as “normal” (arrange Marriages). But please don’t loose yourself in this well carried out drama that has been handed over by our ancestors.

I know it hurts so much that the one person you like doesn’t believe in as much as you do. But is it worth your energy to be with someone like this?

You deserve all the good things in life. 🌈🌈🌻🌻🌻🌻

t

Yes very true sneha.
Sometimes i feel, maybe some people are not worth it in a way that we made them worth every thing in our lives!
Thanx for writing ❤️
Thanku and i wish the same for you 💕🌟

❤️❤️❤️

s

Baapre!! Calm down a bit, please. First of all sorry if have hurt you in any sort of way through my comment on the other ticket. Your brain has started working at its full capacity. At this rate, it will overload and explode. Please cool down yourself.

College life was completely different, you guys were enjoying each other, there was no one to interfere. At present, his family will start interfering in this personal space. At the end of the day, he is gonna be the one who will have to maintain his family’s pride, honour or whatever they call it. Hence they will look for his partner from the same community.

Does that guy have enough strength to stand for his interests? I can think of two situations:
1. Either he is really greedy and has started seeing someone else? The reason can be the distance between you guys.
2. Or he doesn’t have enough strength to express himself in front of the family.
You know him better, am not trying to portray a negative image of him but there is something, against which he couldn’t fight.
Will you be really happy after marrying him? Have you considered the facts such as income, loyalty, the potential to run a family, ability to accept not just the girl but her family too? What will happen if you guys run into a very heated argument. How will his family react? Dude, there are too many aspects. Start anticipating. Stop thinking about marriage all the time. There are huge responsibilities that come with marriage. Have you ever thought of them? Are you capable enough?

A very important thing - its really not time to get excited about things and enjoy life, Your EXAMS are on the way nothing else should run on your mind. Assume there is a number scale from -10 to 10. You are lying somewhere at -3 or -4 and happiness lies at 6 or 7. Are you able to understand this difference? You are not in a situation where things will be exciting for you. You are injured and now you have to relax for a while, you have to regain your health and then you can start experiencing the joy. Accept the fact that you are now in the initial phase of adulthood. Its time for you to showcase your skills, soon you will have to be productive. Not just in terms of money, in terms of household chores, in terms of bonding, in terms of being helpful.

Again am really sorry if my words have hurt you in any way. Please understand the situation. Don’t know if that guy has really moved on from you or not BUT you will have to neutralize yourself in terms of feelings for him. You are already disturbed, please help yourself.

t

@sanket So you are also considering the same things and situation, which made me mad at the first place 😅
Ofcourse i have considered each and every aspect and i wanted to be with him, but he certainly don’t think like that. Now when you are saying the same things, it has made me feel, is it just us girls who just decide and want to work in a relationship no matter what ? But for some guys, its not even worth it ? For him, i know his family and SOCIETY is the reason which is holding him back, but then thinking on a positive note , that “ yes, the girl which my parents will choose will be the best thing for MY LIFE AND MY
HOUSE AND STUFF” just because its arrange marriage ? It means, was i not worth anything that he is simply letting me go and making himself feel good because he is suddenly thinking that arrange marriage girl will be good !! What about those years and love ? Nothing ? So love is something else and being practical is something else ? When a person wants to spend their life with someone, they just want to whole heartedly without giving a shit about anything else. I mean i know i am such a person for whom A GOOD HEART will always win no matter what ! But for him, he just move on easy on the thing that everything else will be good. I mean, for him, the weightage of NEGATIVITY is much much more than having me as his wife !!!
I dnt know what m saying. M just angry and hurt , and at the same tome i jist wanna cry and cry !!!
The questions you put in front of me, the same he did, as if i was not aware about each and every situation, 😖😣 ofcourse i am aware but is it just tooo much that i am willing to do anything and sacrifice anything just to spend my life with him ?? It means he dont feel the same, for him otherfactors matter much than me !!! And so he asks me everytime that i dont
Think. I can put the same question damn it !!
I so fuckin love him but he just dont the way i do and is not willing to put any efforts !!! He just wants to let ho off me ! He prefers crying rather than hold me !!
That why i blame the fuckin society !!! They just poke their noses everywhere !

s

Loving someone & being practical are both different terms. In your college time, you guys have enjoyed the emotional part i.e LOVE. Now its time to be practical. He must be facing several dilemmas. He might not be able to handle them. He has chosen to sacrifice his own happiness, you can’t help with it.

On the other hand, why are you willing to sacrifice anything? Why do you want to do anything just for him? Will you even disrespect your parents for him? Your parents have taken care of you more than him. Have you given back enough to your parents? Have you talked to your mom about this? Rather ask her about the sacrifices & adjustment that she did after getting married. Ask her to tell you every little thing. Anticipate those situations. Will you really be able to handle them?

And I believe he is also helping you to move on. He is embracing you, not much effective but yeah he is putting in efforts.
Do reach out to your parents, their support will help you.

t

@sanket but isn’t this unfair, love and practicality being different things ? I mean, I know I will adjust in his family.the person who has to adjust is saying that she will. Then what could be more superior than this ?
I haven’t talked to my parents yet, but I will.
But I guess, everything varies from person to person, I have that thinking that I will do my best for him and us. Why would I want to hear about all the negativites from anybody ? If I am the highly positive person in this case, shouldn’t this matter the most ? Afterall, in arrange marriage too, it will depend on the person only that how much sacrifice the one is willing to make, suppose if she wont- she can divorce him, but on the other hand there is this person, who just wants to be with him I have thought about all the scenarios and nothing shakes my.ground, so it’s bad ? Does that mean I am not thinkin clearly just because I stand firm ?
That’s is so unfair !
In arrange marriage too, I would be the one who will be thinking all this but if I wouldn’t want to sacrifice I’ll just drop the person. Now is this the thing which people praise ? But they can’t think of the fact tht this girl is really firm on her ground !

t

You know @sanket, everything is just worth having him. What can I say more ?
But for him, thinking about all the scenarios, negative ones specially, even though it has the same probability of outcomes with other girl, he still not choose to be with me. And that’s according to him, is being practical !
Isn’t this wrong in any way ?
You have a girl who is wise enough and is making choices and is choosing you over every damn thing , but no, you still choose to prefer teeny tiny negative outcomes, which may not even happen. That is what hurting me the most. Over everything,he says that I am the one who don’t understand !

t

@sanket I guess, if a person is willing he will think about all the positive.points for why it will turn out good.
But if the person is not willing, he’ll think about the cons or rather why it could go worng !
It’s just the willingness of the person , which make him decide for any situation.

Okay, my brain is frying now !
Just can’t pause it.

s

I appreciate your strength. If you really are willing to make bigger sacrifices, ready to bend to the very extent then yeah I must say you are a really strong person and willing to build a strong relationship. Your efforts are really worthy. Can I ask you why aren’t you using this strength in other parts of your life? You can be damn productive. You seem to be passionate they why are you channelizing all your strength in one direction? Aren’t you being unfair to yourself in the first place?

Uh but my question “Why are you willing to put all in for this guy” is still unanswered. Do you mind if I say, you sound like you are obsessed with him? You want to just be with him rather than living with him. Again it’s just my understanding I can be completely wrong here. There is emotion in all of your words, a bit of practicality is needed. How are you actually ready to fit in with his family? What is that factor that is making you so determined to stay with him? Whatever that factor is, take control over it.

It’s easy to sense that you are injured. Please help yourself, get help, get healed. Talk to your closeones.

t

@sanket i guess, he is my first of everything, i was and am that kind of person who just wanted to do with just one guy, i am about to share some personal info, at first when I started to
Go out with him, I didn’t wanted to do, because doing before marriage was wrong for me, but slowly i thought, i love him and i want him to be my first, even though I didn’t stop, I continued to feel guilty and i still am maybe.
And all that pleasure with definitely the caring stuff, is just not letting me off the hook.
It won’t come back, and i hate the thing that he will do with someone and maybe he’s a guy, he wont mind and the day he will be married and do all that stuff, i wont be anything for him !
Maybe this is the thing which is subconsciously not letting me move on not even a bit !
I feel jealous all the time !
What should i do ? 😣
i created mess for myself !

s

You have not created any mess, it’s all normal. And am proud of you that now you have realized the actual reason behind your disturbance.
You have enjoyed that moment when you decided to get involved with him. You have enjoyed your relationship, now isn’t it fair to face some of the sadness? LOL am being completely illogical here.

Don’t be guilty about being with that guy. If you feel like being with one guy then it tells so much about your loyalty. Why are you relating everything to sexuality? Is this something that is affecting you the most?
Stop visualizing things. You are investing your efforts in a place where you are gonna face loss always. I cannot completely understand a girl’s mentality here, things have happened in the past and cannot be changed. But does that mean you will ruin your current educational life, your family environment, your own feelings? Definitely, things are rough on your side and you are trying to get over them, please try harder. Talk to your friends. They will easily help you out. Talk to your mother.

t

Yes its fair, you’re not being illogical, i have spent 5 years with that guy, we were close, we still are, just can’t get married. Sadness is the part which always comes along - everywhere.
And its true, I can’t change the past. I really need to overcome this thing, otherwise i am gonna loose myself every time.
I know it will haunt me I don’t know until when , but i am trying.
Thanks @sanket
You’ve been of great help.
God bless you 🌟

s

Don’t suppress the feelings in yourself. Feel free to burst out :)
Take care

s

Do you mind if I ask you to come here and reply to some of the threads? Try to help others, at least for one week, please?

t

Yes sure, i will try to be more active here.