Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

My dad scolded me for an hour for not being able to climb a ladder to retrieve our cat. I (23F), am afraid of height. And I’m preparing to continue my master degree abroad through education loan. He told me, "If you are so afraid of height, u shouldn’t go abroad as u shouldn’t be able to travel via plane and u shouldn’t study abroad as u don’t have guts and u might marry after your degree and leave us in debt and homeless. U are so useless and what’s the point of paying you to study if you aren’t going to help around in situation like this. " Mind u guys, I was being the obedient child and try to be the role model for my younger siblings as I’m the oldest. I help around the house in both traditionally man and woman chores like fixing faulty wires, fixing electrical appliances, repairing and set up self, table, etc., cooking. Growing up he stayed with us maximum 3 months in a year due to his work and I kinda become the man of the house. My parents never congratulated me on my achievement but God forbid if I didn’t get any, they will told me I’m a disgrace to our family and I shouldn’t be born.
Today, before he scolded me he threw away my food from the dining table across the room and this is not a first time. Whenever he didn’t like what I did, out of the blue, he would slap me, threw me across the room, kick me while I was eating, slap me across the face with dirty sandle, smear my face with spicy dishes and many more.
I don’t know what I’m talking about right now. I just want to vent.
And I’ll be appreciated if someone give me some advice.