Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

My dad passed away to covid on May 2021 and ever since that my life took a dramatic change. I grew with my dad and  was super close he was my everything but when he died it felt like someone stabbed me in my chest.  Shortly after my dad’s death I had to start my MSc course at an abroad university so I had to leave my home country. But I couldn’t focus on my studies and when I approached my university about it they told me to take a year break and then focus on my studies. I took up that offer and return back home. But none of the people around me are supportive and told me that I have ruined everything. I don’t have a very close bond with my family. I have an elder sister and when i returned she told that I shouldn’t have come back and me being here isn’t going to bring dad back alive. It felt like another stab to my chest. Being all alone in a new country I became overwhelmed, I consider myself an extrovert but at that time it was too overwhelming for me to focus on things and I couldn’t do it and now I feel like loser. Ps (I’ll be leaving back in June again to purse my studies)

I’m still trying to stay strong and I’m pretending that words of these people doesn’t hurt but it does. My life is a mess at this point and I don’t know what to do. My uncle and a very close friend of mine passed away a month back. It’s going to be 10months since my dad’s passing I still haven’t been able to recover from it and now losing two other close people in my life has shattered me. I don’t even know what’s the point of life. I feel so lost and I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t have a family support nor of friends. It’s getting harder and harder to get through…I don’t whom or to where to share this so I’m doing it here.