My boyfriend wants to have sx but I am not ready what to say, he is vv experienced and it would be my first time I don’t want to right now but he gets horny and says that not having sx is hampers his health as masturbation is good for his health and he has to do that bc I wont have sx with him. He has never forced me but wnv he asks and I say ik I feel guilt as he has an active sx life now bc of me he is not able to have it and also gets vv tired after masterbng as we talk on call. He loves me and I know that but I don’t think I love him utna such that I want to have sex with him. Sex is vv valuable experience for me and I don’t wanna do it just like that. I understand all he wants is to feel me and that excess mast** effects his health but what am I supposed to do ? If I have sex it will effect my mental health.
Did you have any traumatic experience in past : like someone touched you wrongly or without consent or anything of that sort?
People ask this question is because they think you might have experienced something like that because you said its not very easy for you to be open to ssx.
Now knowing thats not the case : how do you think about sxing on your phone with your partner. (Censoring cause the comment is put under review and might reach you late )
You can start from there. Doing it online. Plus i honestly am of the opinion that you have placed ssx somewhere on a pedestal and its okay to do that because you might feel vulnerable thinking about it . The only concern for me is your posts last line where you say having ssx will mentally affect you (assuming in a negative way). Why is that the case?
Umm yes, I am open to phone one even on text. It is true that I have placed it on a pedestal but ig that comes from within I just feel that it is very valuable for me and that I should do it after certain commitment i.e marriage. Also the fact that he has had sex with multiple partners which sort of implies it doesn’t mean much to him. For me it will be a veryy big step it’s been 6 months into the relationship only.
Negative effect on mental health because- I won’t get physical with him because I wanted to but because he wanted and I gave in. I’ll do it so that our relationship stays and ik for a fact if I have to get physical to keep a relationship, it’s foundation is wrong and then eventually I’ll maintain my distance from him subconsciously expecting from him to do alot for me cause I gave in everything(considering I get physical) then the relationship will die only. You see getting physical before marriage is not a problem but if I do it for just him it will eventually effect negatively only. That’s y don’t wanna do it. In short run yes he will be happy but then I don’t be able to Happy as I didn’t listen to myself.
Idk if it makes sense but as we are in a long distance relationship, we meet once in 2 months sometimes. And if we start getting physical it will become all about it only. Currently also everything is v good on calls and msgs but when we meet he wants ki we should makeout and all but I wanna spend time and he feels we talk on call also but we dont touch na so let’s do this when we meet. And if we have sx then I am worried we will only be doing that when we meet. And sx is not imp to me.
Now go and tell him what you told me. He needs to hear this out the most it shows how much care for him and this relationship and now its chance to do the same .
I told him he said okay I’ll wait. But then things like I was so tired today cause I had to mast…, I was healthier when I was getting physical regularly makes me feel like I am making him loose something which is imp to him.
He has said such things 2times in total but still uk I do realise that he is getting affected and that getting physical is vv important for him.
Once randomly when we were talking about love language he said physical, and even tho his intention wasn’t it was like ok and I can’t give u that.
You like this person , right? And he doesnt show any toxic traits. So you can ask him for more time to be comfortable around him. Tell him you need time.
He loves me and I am positive about it but when it comes to ss it is important and at the same time not at all imp for me so conflict of interest.
For him it is imp.
No he doesn’t show toxic traits ik he will wait for me. But if waiting is not making him happy I feel bad aswell. Ik it’s a lot of things and I want bot of us to be happy but I can’t do that cause we both want diff. Things and that’s y if he is sad I feel sad too l.
Okay girl listen. He has to wait for you to be comfortable around him doing all that. And yes im a guy too and masturbation doesnt magically drain every bit of energy we have. You can hold hands, and cuddle since they do constitute physical love language.
While we cuddle he gets hard and then again I feel concious about it ki like why can’t we just fkn cuddle and feel each other romantically.
If this is too much info I am sorry I just started to share as we were talking.
The idea that ek toh we meet once in awhile and then we get physical sexually doesn’t suit me at all.
Its a natural response from him . I wont deny that. You can stick to hand holding and hugging him from the side. Also theres more than love language . Focus on that. Find what you have in common and work on it.
Can u suggest what else ?
Okay I’ll do that thankyou!!
Some ppl like spending wuality time together . Some like their partners to listen carefully and pay attention to small details. Some may like a surprise gift or a surprise date.
I’ll try to incorporate these things. Thanks for your time, it’s appreciated!
I would appreciate your comments here
Unknown thoughts are welcome
So I am gonna clarify y asked u, actually u wrote this thing umm men and women in India right? And weirdly my bf has the same views so I was ukw if I ask the same guy this question maybe I can get perspective. That’s it.