Thought

Profile picture for Now&Me member @melody
@melody

my boyfriend and i have been for over 2 years everything was lke blossoming flower in a beautiful garden but now days, he is ignoring me i dnt even know what to do how to work out relation . cause problems come and goes in live i know but seeing me on and suddenly disappearing what is that i mean if he also doesnt share the problem them how am i suppose to know his feelings he better like to hide it and i stay quite . like how am i alone going to suffer alone to make things goes in right way . i cannot think properly sleep properly or do anything without telling him now he says that i should not share my feelings anymore and i should try to hide it inside myself . like who am i suppose to tell my friend left me a year ago now he is also like that i mean i dnt why he is being so mean to me . i didnt even do anything alll i did was i loved him and share my feelings like i am bored , lazy, like we havenot been in physical kinda stuff at all but every time he ignore i try myself not to be negative kinda but distract myself by thinking positive . but he never understand that i am only trying to workout all by my own. i want to make our relation like it was in the past

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @melody
6 replies
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Anonymous

dont worry too much, all couples go through tough times. maybe because of the current situation he feels more detached and unable to share his feelings. also you have to take into account if he was always like this and if he always couldn’t share his feelings. he could be scared to depend too much on you and scared of the relationship. I think you should confront him with how you feel and ask him to admit how he feels. it is essential and because you’re in a relationship you should rely on each other and tell each other things. even a tiny little bit of pressure could be used to help him to open up about things. dont worry I’m sure you’ll be able to figure things out. stay positive! you can do it :)

Profile picture for Now&Me member @melody
@melody

i have tried all those things but this time he only answer me like i am okay our relation is also fine and also said that i shold not be in deep love with him😖that kinda broke my heart

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Anonymous

maybe he thinks he isn’t good enough for you and foesnt think he’s worthy of your love. do you have any suspicions of anything or do you have a guess on what could be the problem? even if it’s a very small possibility?

@ridiya

From what you are saying, he is trying to detach himself from you more and more. We all realize when our semnificant other starts to change, so I’m sure these things aren’t just in your head. I’m sure you have your reasons for doubting.
There may be several reasons for his behavior:
1. He may be afraid of commitement. Maybe he sees that the relationship is very serious and he’s scared, a lot of guys are scared because of this. When the relationship becomes serious, they wonder where all of this is going. They wonder if they are prepared. If you become close, they feel suffocated and don’t know how to react, so they walk away. Maybe your boyfriend has never had such a serious relationship and does not know how to behave.
2. Maybe he is a toxic person and he does not know what a healthy relationship means. He does things that are not ok, because he sees no problem in them. He doesn’t think he’s wrong or he is mistreating you, so you won’t be able to convince him of anything even if you talk to him in a mature way.
3. Another reason could be that he is trying to detach himself from you more and more in order to break up with you, that’s why he told you not to love him so much. Maybe he can’t break up suddenly, so he’s getting further and further away.
There may be other situations. I don’t know him, so I just generalized, I just said what happens in most cases. The most important thing is that the way he behaves is not ok. He should understand you and be by your side. You should be able to talk about anything with your boyfriend, you should communicate and say everything you have in mind. You should support each other and become the best version of yourself, you should grow together. This is what happens in a healthy relationship.
Yes, there are fight in any relationship, but you should not feel alone. You should be able to communicate your feelings, you should feel enough love, you should not be left to struggle by your own…

Personal advice: if you see that he doesn’t want you to be so close to him, try to give him some space and see how he reacts. Don’t text him so often, don’t tell him everything you feel, give him space. If you see improvements, it means that he just wanted some freedom and that there is a possibility to improve your relationship. If you see that this is not working and that he is starting to lose interest in you at all, I suggest you break up with him. I know it’s hard, but you deserve better. I was in your place once, I was in a relationship where I was no longer happy, a relationship that didn’t go anywhere. After talking to my mother’s friend, who is a therapist, I realized that the right decision is to break up with him. It was very hard and I suffered for a while, but it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @melody
@melody

i dont want to ignore or do anything i want him some space but i dont how to react about his text . i am confused about it he text me online sharing meme everytime he is free from work i dont know how to react over that things . yestersday , i avoided his messages for 2 hours and replied and in the evening dont how but he gave me instant replies also he told me how am i doing? what did u do? did u have u dinner?
but i dont know what happened or might he has slept he didnt respond my messages at that time but as soon as he wake up at 6 he again respond my messages and he didnt say good mornin also .
i dont know how much time he need . he can have all the time he need but i dont want him to think about breakup .

@ridiya

Have you tried to talk to him in a mature way? Tell him that you feel that things have changed and that he has become a little more distant. Ask him if he feels the same. Ask him if he feels the need for a little freedom or if he would like you to do something to fix that. Tell him honestly how you feel, but do it in a mature way, don’t complain and don’t try to scold him.

If he thinks that nothing has changed and that everything is fine or if he refuses to change something or make any effort, you should reevaluate the relationship. Most likely nothing will change in the future. You have to ask yourself: if he doesn’t change, can I be in this situation forever? Can I live like that and be happy?
You may be looking for something from him that he just won’t be able to give you.
If you’re the type of person that wants to be able to communicate freely and openly and he is the distant type, then this relationship will be hard for you.

However, if he wants to see you happy, he will understand these things and make some effort. If he doesn’t, he is not for you…
Try to have this conversation face to face or on the phone.

If you like reading, I recommend you “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. It’s an amazing book that helped me a lot and opened my eyes. It made me understand a lot of things better.

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