Musibat me pehne fir de use utaar
Helmet sa hogya logon ka kirdaar

Dreams

Theek hai bhai. I don't even have the energy to fight anymore . I really don't understand if i feel the urge to meet why doesn't the other person. I'm sick of this bhai. Sick of this shit . I really really want that person to miss me..how hard is it. Howww hard ?? Harr baar plan banake cancel kyu karta hai bhai. I really don't see any valid reason for u to not be here apart from that terko nahi hona. Bhai kya drama hai yeh. It sucks to be the person who cares more , who wants to meet more , who wants time more.. it isn't that tough man. A man really realises ur worth when u stop giving him attention..ab be it bhai. I'm never gonna ask u to be here now. Never. Aana hai aa nahi toh na sahi bhai . Done with asking for it..u can be busy in ur work all the more u want . I am stepping up now.. time attention nahi dungi khud akal aajayegi 

Anger Issues

 Pyar Kya hai ? Yeh nahi bolunga kyunki yeh thora mushkil mere Liye abhi batana aap sabko per ha itna bata sakta hoo ke Pyaar karte kaise hai or kis tarike se karta hai. Pyar me aap kuch magna maat who pyaar he Kya jisme soda Kiya Jaye phir toh business hogya. Pyaar kise se bhi cha hai apne dost yeh pariwar se yeh phir apne mohabaat he kyu na hoo , tumhe is tarike se Karna hai jaha tum badle me kuch na mago aur bas dete jao aur Pyaar karte jao bhale wo tumhe wese pyaar na kare per tum Karo kyu ke tumhe acha lagta hai unko khush dekh Kar. Aur jo tumse koi jada maange Matlab wo tumse nai wo tumhare chizzo se Pyaar karta hai. Dosto Pyaar karte rahoo!!

Love

I wanna just share something... 😐🥺

Ek Gao ka chota sa bht Garib😐 family se ladka tha ek din School me Uske master ji puchte h Chinku Kal Mele me gye the... Wha kya kya dekha Wo btata h master ji wha bhot Trah Trah ke jhule or trah Trah k pakwaan To master ji puchte h Tumne wha konsa jhula jhulaa or Ky ky pakwaan khaye... Zara sbko btao

Or use Garib chote se bcche ne jwb diya Master ji kch bhi nhi dekh k ghr wapis laut aye..... Master pucha esa kyu........... 
Bacche ka jwb....... Ankho me Anshu ka Sath master ji paise hi nhi the.. 💔🥺🥺

While hearing I felt very useless and broken from Inside 🥺💔💔 so Just I thought to share... 

Memories

Phir ek din usne meko raat 2019 ko masg kia 12 bje exact 
usne uss din mere sae raat 4 bje tak baat ki 
kio ki uska uske bf kae sath jaghda hua or kind of breakup hua or usne meko msg kia maene smbhala usko uss din 
but meko kya pta tha ki agala din ussae worst ane wala hae 
kio uske bf nae meko block kar dia 
or mae pura 1 hafta sochta raah ki mera kya kasur tha meko depression ho gya tha literally yarr usss din

Loss

Feeling sad, anyone here Hindi listener, because I'm not good in English 

Body image

Mere mummy aur papa mere saath bohot galat karte hain. Hamare ghar ka maahol aisa nahi h jaisa normal gharo ka hota h. Agar mere papa mujhe ghar me kahi dekhle toh dekhte hi kuch na kuch kaam batate hain for e.x. voh kitchen k saamne khade hote hain aur me apne room me betha hota hu toh voh mujhe kehete hain ki paani la ek baatao jab voh kitchen k saamne khade hote hain toh mujhe bulaakar paani mangaane ki kya zaroorat h khud ni le sakte jaake aur agar me is baat ko leke unhe kuch kahu toh bolte hain ki zabaan nahi ladaate aur mujhe hamesha aise hi chup kara dia jaata h aur iske alaawa kai baar aisa hua h ki mera phne charging pe lagra hota h use hatake apna laga dete hain aur kehete hain ki tera itna important nahi h , aisa ni h ki unko koi kaam se jaana hota h, balki isiliye lagaate hain kyunki bs unke phne me battery kam hoti h aur aisa ek baar nahi kai baar hua h agar itni hi dikkat hoti thi roz toh ek naya charger bhi toh khareed kar laa sakte the par nahi aur ek baar me 9th class me tha mujhe laghbhag 101-102 k kareeb bukhaar tha aur bohot tez baarish hori thi itni ki sabke gharo ki light band ho rakhi thi aur hamare ghar ka inverter bhi band tha toh inverter me joh paani dalta h use lene k liye mujhe bhej rahe the jisko bukhaar tha aur khud ni jaare the fir me gaya aur aadhe raaste jaake waapas aa gaya kyunki merse jaaya nahi jaara tha toh me waapas aaya toh itna bura sunaaya unhone mujhe ki bs kya batau ki ab unko jaake leke aana padega voh bhi scooty pe us din ghar me bohot bura haal kardia tha aur meri mummy hamesha in sab baato me papa ki side leti h ki aise hi hota h aur maine agar kabhi kuch bolne ki koshish ki toh mujhe dhamkaaya aur daraaya jaata tha aur meri mummy papa ko kabhi ni bolti yhi ki aap galat ho balki ye bolti thi ki voh pagal h use bolne ka nahi pata isme dimaag nahi h . Me ek baar chota tha toh toh meri mummy kitchen me khaana bana rahi thi voh do min. K liye papa ko roti dene gayi thi toh maine socha ki shayad kaam ho gaya h mummy ka aur me light band kardeta hu toh maine light band kardi aur voh turant kitchen me aa gayi aur mujhe itni gandi tarah se ghoorte hue kaha ki me tujhe bad dua deti hu ki tu kabhi khush na rahe aur fir dhamkaaya ki maa ki bad dua kabhi khaali ni jaati ab soch kar dekho me chota tha tab aur merpe ye sab baate sunke kya beeti hogi . Maine in sab cheezo se bachne k liye sona shuru kardia aur me 10-11 ghante sone laga ek aad din toh chal gaya fir roz mere papa mujhe sote hue ko aise jhidke maarke uthaate the aur dhamkaate the ki tujhe sharam ni aari tu 9-9 baje tak sota h ab bhai mujhe ye batao ki mujhe sote hue ko kya pata ki kya time hora h isme bhi unlogo k hisaab se me hi galat tha. Jab bache chote hote hain toh unka kya kuch khareedne ka man karta tha toh bolte the ki hamlogo k paas paise nahi h theek h maine maan lia ki hamari condition itni achi nahi hogi toh maine jid karna hi chod dia fir lekin baad me jab hamari condition thodi si theek hui psp naam ka ek device aata tha 1000-1500 tak ka aur inke salary 45K thi toh voh toh dilwa hi sakte the toh maine mummy ko bohot bola kai baar toh unhone mujhe jhidke maar k bhaga dia fir me bohot din tak unke peeche pada kyunki mera bohot jyaada man tha use lene ka toh ek din meri mummy ne papa ko bol hi dia ki iska psp le aana aur voh bhi normally nahi bola is tarah se bola ki voh chid jaaye aur mujhe dhamkaaye aur vaisa hi hua us din unhone mujhe kam se kam aadhe se ek ghante ka bhaashan sunaaya voh bhi sirf isiliye ki me padhta nahi theek h me maanta hu mera padhne me man nahi lagta tha lekin zaroori thodi h ki dunia k saare bache padhte hain ek kahawat thi ki "That if you judge a fish by its ability of climing a tree it will live its whole life by beleiving its stupid" ye baat maine unko kai baar boli par unlogo k toh jaise kaan par joo hi na rengi ho mujhe bs yahi bolte the ki falaana ka beta itna padhta h falaane ka beta topper h wagarah wagarah aur hamne tera bohot mehenge schoole admsn karaaya h roz taane maarte the is baat ko leke ab maine thodi kaha tha kabhi ki mujhe mehenge school me daalo maine ns itna kaha tha mujhe chain se jeene do . Fir kuch saalo baad maine kaha papa se ki mujhe 30000 ka phne lena h me tab 12th class me tha aur haa tab tak hamari condition bohot achi ho chuki thi ki ham aaraam se ye phne le sake , toh unhone mujhe kaha ki agar tera ache(Sarkari) clg me ho jaata admsn jisme jyaada fees na ho toh dilwa denge me ye baat sunke bohot khush hua tha . Jab meri 12th khatam hui thi toh meri Jee-Mains me 25K rank aai thi all India me aur mujhe ek bohot bdia govt. Clg mil gaya tha jiski fees bohot kam thi toh maine unhe kaha ki ab dilwaado toh saaf mana kardia ki mera itna budget nahi h itna mehenga phne dilwaane ka peheli baat toh unki salary us same 80K thi aur meri mummy bhi 15K kamaati thi aur ye log mujhe ek phne na dilwa sake me ek baat sach batau mera kabhi bhi govt. Clg me jaane ka man nahi tha me private clg me jaana chahta tha par me in logo ki vajah se govt. Me gaya tha . Jab me chota tha toh ek comp. Khareed k laaye the me bohot khush hua tha kyunki peheli baar hamare ghar me comp. Aaya tha use dekh k par meri khushi ko kisi ki nazar lag gayi thi bs ek saal games khelne k baad mere papa uspe password lagakar rakhte the ki kahi me use na karlu ab yaha toh paise waali baat bhi ni thi comp. Ghar me hi tha fir bhi use nahi karne dete the, mera comp. Mera bohot jyaada interest tha bachpan se hi computer me ,maine ek baar comp. K andar windows hatake android kitkat daal dia tha bohot choti umar me hi me shayad bohot kuch kar sakta tha computer me agar mujhe use karne dia hota toh.Agar mere papa k muh se koi baat nikal jaaye toh me us cheez ko kabhi mana nahi kar sakta tha chahe meri tabiyat kharaab hori ho ya kuch ho bs voh kaam hona chahiye unka aur mummy bhi unki sode leti thi ki chup chaap karle kaam behes mat kar. 9th class tak toh inlogo ne mujhe bohot maara bhi h aur me jab 3rd-4th class me tha toh mujhe roz dhamki milti thi ki voh dono ghar chodkar chale jaaenge aur tu akela rahio ab me toh bacha tha us same maine aisa kya kardia tha ki ye log is tarah ki baate karte the merse bs ye ki me padhta ni tha aur meri mummy mujhe roz ek baat bolti thi ki ghar ka maahol tune kharaab kar rakha h kyunki tu padhta ni ab mujhe ek baat batao ki agar koi nahi padhta toh uske saath aisa kia jaata h kya fir itna mental torture mere saath ye sab hota tha toh me ek baar pagal sa ho gaya tha mere school me dost nahi ban paate the kyunki meri harkate hi ajeeb ho gayi thi bohot jyaada mujhe toh phne ki ring bajne se bhi ek baar toh dar lagne lag gaya tha. Aur ab toh me ache clg me hu ab toh padhai waali bhi dikkat ni h na jyaada paiso ki dikkat h ab ghar me kyu maahol kharaab reheta h ? Jab me 12th class me aaya tha toh me bohot pareshaan ho gaya tha mujhe toh ek baar yr bhi lagne lag gaya tha ki me pass nahi hounga aur me jis school me tha 11 me toh us school me mere kuch ache dost bane the lekin voh 12th me school chodkar chalr gaye the aur kuch naye bache aaye the joh mujhe bohot jyaada pareshaan karte the aur unhe dekh k baaki k bache bhi mujhe bohot pareshaan karne lag gaye the aur joh ghar k aaspaas bhi mere dost the unse bhi mera jhagda ho gaya tha me bilkul akela tha us same aisa ek din ni hoga 12th class ka jab me roye na soya hu mera khid khushi karne ka man karta tha roz aur me mummy koi kai baar batata tha toh meri mummy ne meri kabhi nahi suni mujhe mere haal pe hi chodh dia tha maine jaise taise karke 12 pass ki lekin kabhi meri kisi ne ek na suni na kabhi poocha ki tu theek h jabki teachero ne bhi PTM pe boldia tha mere mummy papa ko ki ye bohot pareshaan sa lagra h aajkal kuch hua h kya . Meri mummy mujhe roz ye bolti thi ki ye bohot ache papa hain aur apni baari me ye bolti thi ki ye aise hain vaise hain fir me keheta tha ki mere saath bhi karte hain toh meri mummy bolti thi ki tu toh aisa hi h aur ye toh kuch bhi ni h mere chote bhai ko roz ye bolti thi ki voh toh pagal h usme dimaag nahi h me jab mummy ko shikaayat lagaata tha na apne chote bhai ki, ki voh dhang se ni bolra merse meri izzat ni karta toh voh 2 baate bolti thi ki tu h bhi kisi deen ka jiski izzat ho ya fir me tere kehene se ni daatungi use aur jab vahi same cheez meri mummy k saath hoti thi toh khoob peet ti thi mere bhai ko ki kario dobaara se , kuch saalo baad mera bhai jab merse height me lamba ho gaya toh meri maa ye bolti thi ki voh terse tagda hora h usse pange na lio taaki me jaau aur ladu usse haalaaki me ek aad baar toh lada bhi tha usse par baad me ni lada kabhi in logo ki baato me ni aaya , ek din mere bhai ko kuch bache peetne ki kehe rahe the phne pe toh maine us ladke se phne pe baat kari aur usko dhamkaaya tha aur fir us ladke ne mere bhai ko kuch nahi kaha kabhi bhi ,aur ek din mere bhai ne merse paytm ka poocha kya hota h maine use saara batadia saara sunne k baad voh bola ki chalo ab niklo yaha se aisa kabhi hota h kya kahi kisi k bhi ghar me batao ? Aur meri mere bhai se ladai ho rakhi h ab aur voh meri izzat nahi karta ahar meri mummy ne usko uske galat karte same daata hota ya rk thappad lagaaya hota toh aisa kabhi na hota.mujhe kabhi use kuch kehene ni dia na khud kuch bola toh ab mera bhai mere saath kitni bhi batamizi karle voh hamesha sahi hota h mere ghar me aur me use kuch bol tak ni sakta ye konsa insaaf h ? Aur bhi bohot saari baate hain joh roz mere saath hoti h aur isi tarah ki baate roz roz hone se mere upar bohot mental pressure bana hua h uske baad bhi agar me kuch bolne ki koshish karta hu toh mujhe dhamka k chup karadia jaata h ya ye bola jaata h ki me ulta bolra hu cheekh raha hu ya behes kar raha hu ab ek baat batao me ek insaan hu kitna sehen karunga mujhe bhi toh kabhi gussa aata hoga toh kya me kabhi kuch ni bol sakta kya?me jab unhe ye keheta hu na ki me kisi bahaar waale ko ye baat bataunga toh mujhe ye jawaab milta h ki chahe kuch bhi ho sab maa baap ki side hi lenge kyunki sabko pata h maa baap kabhi bura nahi sochte kisi ka isiliye mujhe dar h ki meri baat shayad kabhi koi ni sunega toh maine ye saari baste yaha daal di hain ki atleast sabko pata toh chale aur ab aap log decide karo ki kya me galat hu apni jagah? Aur ye joh maine baate yaha likhi hain 100% sach h maine koi bhi cheez badha chadha kar nahi likhi h mujhe hamesha mere mummy papa ye bolte hain ki tu galat hain par aajtak sirf ki ulta mat bol ya behes mat kar iske alaawaa bata nahi paaye hain ki me kaha galat hu aur ye baate bhi tab boli jaati hain jab me un logo ko unki galtiyaan ginwaane lagta hu toh mujhe dara dhamka k chup karadia jaata h . Aap log is baare me kya sochte hain ? Kya ye sab joh hora h voh natural h kya sabke ghar me aisa hota h?

Depression

Hey Do you know once she was alone at her home 
What she said.....? 
She:-said Baby I'm alone at my house please come... 
Me :- Nobody is Alone Bhagwaan sbke sth hota hai.... 

Pta nhi Ky hua Boli tu single hi marega... Ab mene ky glt bol diya 🧐🤔

Climate Change

Mera pasindida mard mujhe hi pasand nai karta
Bohot rona aata hai sochke  hi. Itna ki koi aur uski pasandida aurat hai and ek aur future Mai hogi jiske saath woh khush rahega aur woh sabh kuch karega uske liye joh Mai chahiti ki mere liye kare - flowers, ki$$e$, dates, hugs etc. 
Mai toh thak gayi effort karte karte ki Mera pasandida aadmi mujhe wapas like kare lekin usne bhi thaan Rakhi hai ki usko koi aur pasand hai lekin main kabhi nai. And I have SOOOOOO much love for him that I don't know what to do with it because I always thought I would buy him gifts, bake him Brownies, give him ki$$e$, ki$$ his lips, hug him, let him sleep on my chest
And I keep on convincing myself ki he is my soulmate but to be honest all the crap that he put me through, I don't think he is even thoug I really want him to be. Also, I have this very negative trait, that I think this is best I am ever going to get so I am sad. Kya hai yaar Mai tere liye apni saari kamiya hata dungi, tu Bata toh sahi kya hai woh sabh, I will mold myself into the person you want me to be just like me back please. I don't care how poorly you treat me, I will be here hands on foot waiting for your love. Please love me back. Or if not help me get over you. 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts