Mujhe koi aise nhi mili joo sach mein meri ho bss mujhe pyar kre ...😔aya hu fir se shyad le jaunga tumhen..

Kb tk akele rhunga koi toh honi chahiye joo mujhe pyaar kre feelings share kre..

Kya mujhe hak nhi ki main bhi kisi ke sath ghumu pyar kru uski care kru

Toh thik hai dil ki acchi honi chahiye m love ke liye hi yha aya hu 😔

Dreams

Hey.i m feeling betrayed  by my friends (i don't  know whether i calm them friend or not)when they  know you well they know your weakness  n make fun of it..criticize  it  ..when i tried to set my boundaries..then their ego got hurt.n they stop talking to me i tried to clear things that ut was affecting  my mental  health n all..but still  they think i m taking sympathy or lying.nd stop talking to me..i feel very low as i have always been there when they needed..tried my best.at one point i felt that they were never my true friends.how to get over this feeling??!i know all i can do is ignore. But its very hard for me as i treated  them as my family.  At the same time the way they r treating  make my heart breaks into thousand  pieces. Why people have so mu h hate to do..why cant they be kinder..why can't  they try to understand  other person's  point of view??

Mental Wellbeing

So, I had to start working at a company in June and the joining got delayed. They still haven't given me a joining date. I'm in my hometown since 3 months and I feel depressed. I feel that I don't have any purpose. I don't know how to pass my day. I have been so stressed and on edge lately. Everything is frustrating. I'm just so upset and angry and that is getting projected on other people. I have not been sleeping well, I've been dreaming a lot - about the job, home, etc. I don't like living with my family, I want to move out. I just can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do. I just don't understand why I'm doing this (living). Why I'm going through all this, for what, everyone has to die one day and I'll not really be having an impact on anyone.

Mental Health

Is it okay if I don't like my family that much? I mean i do like them but not like extremely like them. When ever i talk to my friends about family they are sooo thankful to have their family and are so close and all that. That's why I don't talk about this topic with them because they will never understand. 
Don't get me wrong i love my family but the thing is , in my family my mother's fav child is my brother and my father's fav child is my sister and i am no one's fav. And i have felt this from childhood. And in recent around 5-6 years it's extremely evident by their behaviour. And it's like a joke my siblings make- like you are no one's fav and bla bla. I try to laugh at this but deep down it breaks my heart in thousands of pieces. 
And i am saying it again, my parents do love me a lot but i am no one's fav.

3am Thoughts

i hate this. everything is fucking messed up. Notice how im the one who always starts the conversations. I want to scream my life away

Love

Finding for lgbtq+ friends who reads BL webtoons (or manga)
I also play BTS WORLD and Obey Me. 

I really love chatting, and I dislike people who seem to have no interest to get to know me as I often ask questions about them. 

It's best if you are fluent in English :)

LGBTQ

Everyday I think I will not react in this weird triggered way with my bf but i do. 
I have so much trauma and anxiety stored in my body it comes out in the least expected way when triggered in the form of lack of communication, connection or not being heard, not being seen - as it has always.. so when my bf /current partner behaves as such.. It triggers me.. Somatically too when I notice sensations in my legs. 

I have been experiencing brain fog and internal shame alot. and with the brain fog and massive anxiety I tend to not connect with people I plan/intend to. Including therapists.. And taking actions which I ought to. 

Things like regular travel and moving and packing.. And meeting new people ot moving on, which are really normal and may come naturally to adults, as a 28 yr old gets very difficult for me. Planning a little trip or to be on the go with remote work.. Is paralyzing me and I am looking for connection, or the fact that I'll be missed and my bf wants to spend time with me before I go and other affirmations. But no getting even that communicate d from him and otherwise feeling a sinking feeling within.. I feel bad and triggered. 

Traveling might be a very normal thing.. Or to work remotely on the go and make decisions.. But then why am I so clueless and scared and anxious while making them. 
I am planning a trip to Bangalore for a while and nearby.. Everyday drawing strength but also accumulating lots of fears, shame and abundant loneliness. 

I tried to talk and have a word with my bf too.. But he seems to not get it and totally overlook it. Maybe it's my need for connection + inner loveliness and also dissociating and not wanting to settle. But also.. His red. flags. 

Why is a normal travel appearing such a big deal and meeting me with so much shame? 

I hope I find the strength and connections and not get so paralyzed in decision making and living..forever in shame and survival mode. I wish to be and I hope I can

Adulting

should i give my crush my number?yes or no

Crush

I loved you N. Don't know if i still have the same hence put past tense. And i Don't think u never realized about this.
I never liked you during the initial years. You were so annoying type of a kind for me. Later when we get to know each other more, idk how and when but i felt something for u. Something started to pull me into you always. I didn't want it to grow in my mind so i tried telling myself this is rubb_ish. But this never faded. First i thought it might be just infatuation. But why does it never leaves? It should be more than 2 years i felt this for u. I still couldn't figure out what I'm having for u. I couldn't understand that exact feeling. But i didn't want that to develop into a relationship bcz i don't think it would work. We are sooo different in various things. So i guess we won't get along. And also maybe i feel inferior to you in certain things. Is that ego? Idk. But I'm not that kind of person. I never said anything about this to you. Because I'm just scared. What would u think. If u never had any feelings for me it would be so awkward to talk to u again. But at certain times while seeing u i just gets a gut feeling that u liked me too. Maybe u r also thinking the same way I think? Like this won't do any good? Anyway Let things be like we are friends so that i can talk to u freely. I have been trying to get over you for almost 2 years. I could never. Whever i see u i gets excited. My heart pounds. Why the he_ll are u still in my mind. Just go away. I think you are getting into a relationship now. Saw some posts on insta. It hurt me a very little, not a big thing. Not sure about things but feel like u r not into it. None of my business! I'm still trying to get through this. Not like it's the only things in my mind but it pops up whenever i see something related to u.
I don't hate u.(bcz i don't want to say i still love u) Hope i won't see u anytime soon.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts