Most of the time I comfort myself because I don't want to bother other people with my own issues.

3am Thoughts

Pov: 
She told me she has been hurt in the part so I tried to show her how being loved feel. 
I lesson a learned. 

Hi guys,
So since the coronavirus started, we got quarantined. I got far away from my friends due to lockdown. In college, there was this guy named Raghav started asking me for notes. But then after a period of time we shared our Instagram and snapchat id's. But since I am a science student I was not well aware of how to use both of them(P.S: Now I am). So we started talking a lot. But since I was not able to use them properly, this guy thought that I am kind of stalking him or typing something but not sending him. So he told his friend Sahil to talk to me. Well I found him weird at first but then we started talking a lot. We found out that we had so many common interests and also shared same kind of humor. Well after 2 months of talking, Sahil asked me to be his girlfriend. But it was too sudden for me. Well the main reason was that we had not met yet and also I have only seen him on his Instagram feed and also I was not sure about my feelings for him, I didn't wanted him to keep hanging over me. So I explained him my situation and he agreed and said that's ok, it happens well we can even be bestfriends. So since that day until now that is 8 months we have been talking daily not a single day goes without talking to him. And still we haven't met but I started realizing that I have been getting strong feelings for me. But now I don't know if he still likes me or not. Since our main exams are just a month away and he wanted to study seriously, so he removed all of his friends from snapchat and just kept me since it is convenient for me to talk on snapchat. If you want a description of him; he is very kind, cracks lame jokes, has weird kind of humor, always makes me happy if I am upset and never forgets to send this cute goodnight messages.

Boyfriend

I want my back then version😔😔, she was more good than this useless adult person I am. I don't think there is any big looser than me. I see people are working hard, atleast trying for whatever there struggles are.. which makes me more depress than I am because Idk what happened to me I am not true to even myself, I know I am undeserving person of anything good as I am not even trying, idk know what to do , even if I think what should I do I am not able to focus and give up. Still doing nothing. 
I was not at all like this, lol I even used to feel pity for such people like why they are so depress and negative, should feel positive, everything is good. And the tables turned, I am living in my shell now, away from everyone. Coz people use to see me as a deserving person, the one who will do something good in her life, will definitely achieve something big etc. 
Now here I can't stand for my own, I don't like this person. I don't meet anyone, avoiding talking to people even this was the best time I missed my college years, it's completed, I left with nothing😞. Time is gone. Damn, yes. TIME IS GONE😶 and what I got is I know now THE WORLD IS BAD. 

Life

My bf honestly pissed me off because he slammed on his breaks and a water bottle spilled in his truck and he started getting pissed at me because apparently I pushed it off and I said I didn’t so we started arguing and then he was just a total sick towards me until he dropped me off at home

ok , so i really need someone to understand me , someone to feel my pain and support me ... i  feel disturbed at this very moment 😣  
so he was my senior in the school it all started with a simple text on ig... we became really close friends ..
. i have reallly strict parents ..at upper level .. i was not even allowed to talk to my friends on call 😔 i used to feel lonelyyy ...there was no such night when i never crieddd..each and every fucking night was painfull ..always thinking about how sad my life is .... twice i tried to take my life due to depression .. i had friends lot many ... few close friends also who really cared and loved me but i never shared my problems with them thought they would judge me if i said i hate my parenst and would leave me and dont stay in my life and i would loose themm...
i never felt my parents love even if they did love me ..also there were always clashes among my parents ..each and every day new drama ..i was frustated of their restrictions and daily fights ....
then comes he ... he was my senior in school times .. we never talked when we were in school ... but we started talking on instagram ... as he made a move .... like me even he was lost ..but his story was different he had breakup year ago .... he used to share everything with me... but i never did ...later as we talked more .. i started feeeling comfortable around him .. where every one used to thing how perfect my life is... only he understood how painful it is ... from then for first time i felt like sharing my problems with himm... he used to comfort me ... and that was the time when i started liking him... i started loving that feeelings which i had for me obiously it was first time i felt like this ...few months passed ... he proposed me ... without even thinking once i said  yes ... i was queit happyyy .... not even one month passed for our relationship and he said "he miss his ex and want me to be his bestie and not girlfriend'..... i was broke....but i didnt shared about my relationship with any of my friend so .. there was no one with whom i can share anything ... and now even he was not .... i was whole alone ...but i  tried to cope up somehow .... but i was not able to forget anything ... few days later he again texted me.. that he miss me ...and my heart melted ... ..we again patched up....again after few months .... he did the same and again the reason was same .... and in this my parents were same even ... this time i was completely broken... we used to talk but he used to ignore me ... this time i had his friend who knew about our relationship...but his friend proposed me later and he created missunderstanding ... but my ex trusted me ....later i came to know he ( my ex ) was double dating ... i got some screenshots ... they shook my soul... i really loved him...still somewhere even after his such behaviour i love him... 
i cut all contact i had with him.... ..after 6 months he tied to contact me ....again ... he didnt really agreed for he  double dating..... and as i was not moved on i talk to him.... i know i should not be ...but... sometimes we cant ..... he want to come back again ... i dont know what shoukd i dooo.... my parents are still same... and i know only he can help me...but i even know he would breakup again and this time i wont heall...😖😖😖😖😭

Breakup

Walking away from love and realising I have no worth to be loved now... And giving up the hope of livin' life. Nothing will or anyone will love me now... Some will say... There's some one out there but I don't believe it now and I wish this pain to be a part of my life now to remind me I'm no worthy to be loved. 
Thanks for reading this. 

Depression

Life is going in the wrong direction..


Career

I am so tired of all this that's happening right now. Sometimes my anxiety is at it's peak and i feel bad that i can't do anything about it. It's too tough for me to handle all this. There is a sudden heaviness on my chest and it feels as id i m drowning. I can't handle this... I just can't... I m tired... Too tired

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