Morose and Guilty
Over the past few years, I’ve looked for emotional intimacy in relationships rather than building close friendships. I’ve had friendships with people but none that I’ve put solid effort into maintaining and growing. My most recent “relationship” with a sociopathic narcissist blew up and has made me consciously aware of how negligent I’ve been with my friendships. Throwing in quarantine, it’s made me more aware of how few friends I actually have. I’m determined to fix this when all of this ends, but I need help processing why I’ve pursued this path for as long as I have.
You are not alone in this, I honestly have the same situation right now. I guess the fear of not having sincere friends make us just stay with the idea of work friends or casual friends and not really close friends. And when the heat comes we realise we haven’t really made close friends to share times with. Am sitting alone outside at 40 with out a friend to hangout with yet I have over 500 contacts on my phone. All business, work, and casual people, insane right?