Missing someperson here well it was pretty old. Am i able to find her oit now??

Well i cant suppose to open her name here 

Wait let the nature comes close to us ❤️. Vibes are there na to match us again here 

Didn't understand the point wait whats ur name?

Ho wait let me call raghavalawrance to handle you 😅

Ahhh........ I know think feeling damn well. 
Even I hope kabhi kabhi ki kash vo vapis aye yaha. 
Let see ki destiny ka kya plan hai..... 
Vo shaar hai na ki
Mai teinu fir mila gi......... 
I hope tum bhi mil jaye vo 

3am Thoughts

"Everyone wants him
That was my crime
The wrong place at the right time
And I break down, then he's pullin' me in
In a world of boys, he's a gentleman. "

Hey people. How are you all doing? Life's been good for a month, although the future of my career depends on my hand now. How do you leave laziness and do things that will benefit ? 🤔 I am a person who chooses sleep rather than food do kinda need your input on "How to stop  laziness?" The above swiftie lyrics literally is ringing in my mind. As always, her lyrics remain in my mind more than my subjects 🤪. 


Share a good thing that happened with you today. Mine is that I ended up watching a movie which was quite underrated in my opinion when it was released. However, I found it not to be that bad. It had a few flaws but in its entirety, it was a light-hearted time killing movie in case one needs to freshen up their brain. Maybe because the songs were good enough to distract the mind.

Why everything is best nowadays🤩

Happy

Lemme drop another abstract poetry😀



Let me hold that silkiest hand of yours,
Don’t make me die searching for your touch.
Let me caress your cheek and kiss that forehead of yours
Dont put a leash on me thinking its too much.
Let me sing to you , let me tell you I’m yours,
Isn’t it possible ? Don’t tell me there is no thing as such.
Im going to take my time because all i want is to see your eyes for the rest of life,
Yes, Maybe i am addicted too much.


Poetry

Hey everyone, hope you all are doing good.. I am sanyukta and I am new here and I hope if some people here can make my days go good.

Affirmations

Not feeling okay...feel like a part of me that used to be loving and caring is no longer there
Wondering how would i be moving ahead.

Breakup


I don’t even know how to start. Maybe from the beginning but it got that that point that I really don’t know where it all started. Basically I have been in tons of tinder and bumble dates. Most of them become my friends. Some of them I hook up and a few of them I have sex with. So in January I went on one and we got along we kissed but I wasn’t feeling it. In February I went to another it was better we got along we had like 3 date but I am almost 36 so when I see the red flags I quickly run. At least I thought I did. 

This month, I met another guy from bumble and it all went very weird. First he would never ask to add me on WhatsApp even though we talked a lot. Then he was making plans to come to my city (like 1 hour from his) to sort some bureaucracy and we made plans to meet. So I was like “maybe you should add me on WhatsApp” and he was like “yeah ok”. When he added me I saw that the number was from the US instead of UK as he previously said he was from, weird. And he sent me a video saying that he was looking forward to see me and that his name was different from the one he used on the app. I thought that was weird as well but he did say that he lived in America (and other parts of the world before) and I knew some people that changed the name on the app. We did get along well so I just thought we will just meet for a drink and it couldn’t make any harm. I have been living on my own for 4 months and on lockdown so it would be nice to see someone after things didn’t work with the other guy. So we arranged to meet at 2:45pm he sent me a message around 2pm saying that he was heading there because he sorted his papers already. So I got there at 3pm and he wasn’t there, I had to do some volunteering work that he said he would do with me so I just thought he changed his mind and as his phone is from the US and blocked with no local carrier no data I could not message him. So I went to my volunteering and he messaged me a few minutes later from Wi-fi connection. I explained I left already and he said he was upset that he was on the place he thought we were supposed to meet (I sent the directions correctly but he was in a different place). Anyway on my way back from the volunteering we decided to meet to see one of the touristic places here and have some wine. We got the wine but the place was closed so we decided to go to another one. When we were going to the place a random drunk guy stopped us on the street to ask if we speak English and if we could help him to find the address he needed to go. The guy I was with was super rude but I wanted to help, so the drunk guy called someone from my phone got the right address I got it on my gps and we walked the drunk guy home. The guys I was with was saying all the time that it was nice of me but he wouldn’t have helped the drunk guy, that he would have told him some truths about drinking. I think it’s pointless the drunk guy just needed help and that’s all. Anyway, we then got a Uber and went to the other place that is near my place. We carry on drinking we didn’t have much in common but we had a laugh together and we decided to have a smoke. I really like weed and it settles my stomach when I feel drunk so sounded good to me. I was with this guy that was cool having a few drinks a joint sounded like a perfect closure for the day. So we bought some from the guys and came back to smoke at mine. We carry on talking listening to music smoking drinking, we ordered pizza. Everything was fine. Until it got to a point that I just don’t remember anything. I remember we started dancing but not close together with him just like normal. 

Then I woke up completely naked on my bed with him fucking me hard. I was still drunk and could not react so I just said where is the condom he said it’s too late for that so I said please don’t come inside of me. After that I had a lot of pain in my head so I went to the toilet to pee and smoked another joint as this normally helps when I feel like this. I went back to bed and passed out again, he tried again and I said no and he did stop. I woke up a few hours later and told him to leave. He left. The blackout from the night prior kept in my head. 

I could not stop thinking about it so I talked to him about, he was all like let’s meet today again I will cook you dinner he made a video of the Airbnb he was staying and said that he would come back. I didn’t go of course I couldn’t talk much to him but I wanted to be nice as I was trying to figure out what happened. So basically he told me that we were dancing and he tried to kiss me but I said no so he kind of insisted and I ended up kissing him. After that we sat on the sofa and I said I was going for a nap and he said just came with. He said we didn’t have sex because he was too drunk and could not get a hard on, but other stuff happened. He said he was sober and remembers everything. When I asked about the condom he said he just thought I was on the pills and that I checked regularly. 

That didn’t go down well at all. He obviously just wanted to have sex without a condom. So he decided to do whatever he did to me while I was unconscious and without a condom. I can’t stop thinking about it, I of course don’t reply to him anymore. I judged myself so much, how could I be so stupid? I took the morning after pill. I worked. I took showers. I cleaned the sheets. I cleaned the flat. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so guilty for this, I feel so shit. How could I put myself in such a danger? Why didn’t I kicked him out before? 

The worst part is that I deleted the app like I don’t want to meet anyone like him anymore but then I download again because I am just so lonely. I deleted again. I have no one to talk about this, I am so scared of the judgement even from my therapist. I can’t sleep and I have been over compensating with food. I can’t talk to my family, I am super close to them they will notice that something is wrong and I cannot tell them this. I don’t have many friends but received a few messages and replied trying to make sure no one notice. I have been watching tv videos on my phone anything to get out of my head. But it’s always trigger. I tried to meditate but it was impossible to not think about it. My birthday is tomorrow and I will need to meet my family and talk to some at the phone. I really don’t know how I can handle this. I didn’t even open my windows today. I just want to stay in bed. I just want to go back in time and never meet this guy. I just want this pain to go away. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts