Mere sath aisa huva mein apne piyar mein barbad ho gye sab khuch us par lutaya bad mein woh mein tum ko pasnd nhi krti or na tumse piyar mein kisi or ko pasnd krti hu ab jis ko woh pasnd krti thi woh bhi kisi or ko pasnd krta tha woh wapas mere pass aaye mane bola I hate you ab tumhare liye koi jgha nhi par mein aaj bhi us se bhut piyar krta hu mujhe dar tha kal ko iske pass woh aagya toh ye fhir se3mujhe chod dengi aagya ye 

One Sided Love

Honestly I’m done with everything for years I’ve had to deal with mental and physical abuse of my mum but her mental abuse is just getting too much for me to handle I honestly just feel like running away but can’t cos of my son it’s so hard like how can I keep living this life I can’t even cut her out of my life she’s like a leech that just won’t go she even wished me dead once some she doesn’t help me when I’m mentally having a breakdown yet we should all bow done to her when she feels “a little upset” she’s a manipulative person some people shouldn’t of been parents and she’s one of them I just can’t do this no more 

Depression

I think I'll have to hide to the bathroom every now and then so he won't bother asking for his earphones. 😰😭😭

Stress

Its really hard to pretend that everything is okay....
to be honest, being positive everyday is like being ignorant a reality life for me. example
if you had made mistake youll be like "its ok its just a mistake, people are not perfect" but to myself  its not good , my whole day will be ruined ...others task will not go as planned..just for that small mistake....so people will advice me be positive always etc. i cant do that sorry....its just.....really hard....being positive in life....


3am Thoughts

Don't judge me bcs of this. But i visit a country that there's a guy i was talking with. And he asks me to meet him. I said okay because he insists. But in the end i ghosted him (bcs i dont trsut him and he has so much different culture w me.), but he keeps texting me even tho i didn't read his messages. And lately i reply his text, and he replies back. Idk i feel sorry for him, but idk what to do. 

Crush

I am feeling like there is no joy in living now. Death would be more peaceful and happier. 
I don't talk much....and people think I shy. I don't talk first to see what kind of mentality the person in front of me has and it helps me in determining the value of talk.
I talk around my friends and people I like because they are not crying over the little and useless issues.
Things in my life have taken a serious and sharp turn. I don't feel like doing anything for me ......just losing the motivation to live.... little by little each day.😞


So basically today i played a sad ticktock sound that said: ¨im sorry for making it hard to get to know me and im sorry for questioning your loyalty constantly im sorry that i do self destructive things that are scary to you and make you worry about me all the time im sorry about the little things that set me off and im sorry for overacting to seemingly insignificant things im sorry if i seem cold and distant sometimes im sorry for relying on you im sorry for talking about myself to much and im sorry for being another thing that you have to worry about im sorry for a lot of things but mostly im sorry for existing because you wouldn't have to go through any of this.¨ 

So basically i kept playing this around my friends to see if they were my true friends and so i asked one group of my friends what was in common with every single time i played the sound and it took them awhile to say that we giggled every time and i explained that i did that to show them that no matter how sad or depressed i get i will always have my true best friends there to cheer me up and there to rely on. 

Then, i tried this on another group of ¨my friends¨ and i asked them and then one of the girls actually said well i dont care why your doing this i have other things to do and so i explained why i was doing it and how it was a test and that she had failed. So im saying that friends can be fake and sneaky and have hearts as cold as stone and they will be in disguise and fool you into giving you your trust until you slowly become innocent and weak to them and then they will prey on you till your done for and theres  no hope so do this and be careful with your friends.

Wish there was a way to bring peace within myself than to stay in this chaos of life. 

Life

I just want to change myself from being introvert to an extrovert who's is confident in expressing feelings and thoughts with the correct words and in an effective way.
I want to be recognized.
I don't wanna be a common and lonely, I want to change my life. 
I want to make it happen and I want it very badly.
No matter if it is my last semester with few months left, I want to see change inside me. 
And I'm willing to do anything it takes.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts