Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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HopeThought

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Lia @leelia

Memories of our good old times are the only thing keeping me alive because even if i can’t see it now, looking back life is worth living for sure. I can’t wait for the fog to clear up so I can keep making more beautiful memories. Sometimes I think it’s stupid, other times I’m grateful that there’s still hope in my heart. I’ve become darker, colder, distant and I’ve lost that spark in my eyes everyone used to compliment me about but it’s not all completely gone yet. When I’m about to give up I keep hearing this voice coming from inside of me that says " You don’t deserve this, things will get better bc you deserve it to be like that" “You’ve endured it for too long to just give up now” So I’m still holding onto my own hand hoping I won’t let go and fully lose myself. I only have myself and people I don’t even know to thank for giving me strength and helping me become braver. Thanks to them I’ve done things I never thought I would, I’ve also fucked up in the attempt a few times, but it was okay bc it was my first time, and we’re all a bit clumsy and naive at first, experience will make my future better. It’s been 5 years of me saying every new year’s eve “thank god this year is over cuz it’s been the worst of my life” I started to think how is it possible that I think that every year yet the next one I’m like “how I wish i could turn back time, last year was so much better” Looking back I think 2019 was the best year of my life, and what’s crazy about that is that in 2019 I thought it was the worst one. There are a few explanations for this being possible; 1. from a distance spring is green ( everything looks better from far away and it becomes less painful as it turns into a memory since you can choose to only remember the good things) 2. Every year is worst than the previous one 3. I’ve been getting stronger every year, it’s a sign of growth. I still don’t know which one it is, it might be a mix of all but regardless If I’ve been able to get over it before I can get through this too, it’d be a waste to throw all of this endurance away now, that’s why I’ll hold on until I’ve got no other choice but to let go. I’m a bit weak, I’m not okay and it’s very hard on my own but it’s not in my blood to give up, and that isn’t always a good thing if u really think about it, but it’s useful to at least keep me alive.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @leelia
🧱
13 replies

Adnan Galib @adnan

Believe it or not, you saved me from a great deal of typing because this EXACTLY my state of mind right now…word to word. I relate at least 90% to what you said

Profile picture for Now&Me member @leelia

Lia @leelia

I’m glad that i was able to put into words what you have in ur mind 💖 You’re doing great so keep holding on 🤍

Adnan Galib @adnan

Thanks🥺🥺🥺

crystal @steffy90

You are a strong girl…I wish I could be like you🥺

Profile picture for Now&Me member @leelia

Lia @leelia

Strong like me? You’re already strong and that’s why you’re still here, bad times will only make you stronger, as for now just hold on 💖

🧱
Anonymous

Thats the problem…Its hard to hold on…it feels like I am on a time loop.cz the same worst thing is happening again and again.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @leelia

Lia @leelia

I feel you, I’ve been enduring the same shit for the past 4 or 5 years, nothing has changed that much, in fact it only seems to get worst. The fact that it’s been like this for so long, the fact that everyday always feels the same makes me lose hope on things ever getting better and I’m scared that one day I’ll be too tried from holding on for so long, but is there another option? nothing assures us happiness, nothing assures us that we’ll be at ease, so is throwing everything away and giving up ever worth it? Everything is as uncertain as tomorrow. My life changed so much in a summer, you never know what tomorrow might surprise you with, the only proof i have of things being able to change is by living and trying my best every day. I don’t know how i’ve made it this far and idk if that’s something to be proud of either, sometimes i wish i was able to break down in front on the world and admit that I’m broken. What I’m trying to day is that as far as we know the best thing we can do is to hold on, what i tell myself everyday to be able to do so is “this day will soon be over as well” and I’ll keep doing that untill going to sleep stops being my favourite time of the day, so trust me, one day it will be alright and even if it never is at least you can say that you endured it untill the end and be proud of that. I still think you’re strong, idk ur situation but there’s always someone else who wouldn’t have made it this far, but you did, here you are today and I’m happy for that.

crystal @steffy90

Hey your words are really soothing…I want to talk with you…can you plz tell me how can I contact you?🥺

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Lia @leelia

Hey thank you🤍, yea sure, I mean we can talk here, there’s an option to chat somewhere and then if you want i could give you my ig, message me privately first.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @leelia

Lia @leelia

Just click on my profile and on connect, you can text me then

crystal @steffy90

Actually I tried but it says I dont have access to this feature… Can you do that on my profile?

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Lia @leelia

yeah let me try

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Lia @leelia

just did

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