Me n my friends vid.called today after a long time. 
I felt ashamed of them doing well in their lives and me not even started working. 
I felt i am so faraway from success. 
Tired of looking like a loser
Im very happy for them tho

Don’t be ashamed 
Everything take time u just need to be working hard and be patience 

So u will be become so successful 
Bro 
I pray that u get success soon


Caregiver

I want to make friends but I have a fear and trust issues due to betrayals
By my close ones, should I make friends or not.

Friends

Sometimes everything looks like fake 

3am Thoughts

Sometimes I close my eyes and paint these walls a different colour. I imagine I'm wearing warm socks and sitting by a fire. I imagine someone's given me a book to read, a story to take me away from the torture of my own mind. I want to be someone else somewhere else with something else to fill my mind. I want to run, to feel the wind tug at my hair. I want to pretend that this is a story within a story. That this cell is just a scene, that these hands don't belong to me, that this window leads to somewhere beautiful if only I could break it. I pretend this pillow is clean, I pretend this bed is soft. I pretend and pretend and pretend until the world becomes so breathtaking behind my eyelids that I can no longer contain it. :)

I feel so angry. I feel like no one cares all my friends never contact me first. I feel like an idiot and the only one who's trying. yeah we send each other memes all the time but I'm the one who really talks to the other person. I feel like if I stopped no one would even try to talk to me and I've done it once for a week and no one did.  It's like I'm the only one who cares. 

Tbh, I'm so grateful to have a bunch of really good friends who are there by my side. But it's me! I don't share my emotions with them.

So basically today i played a sad ticktock sound that said: ¨im sorry for making it hard to get to know me and im sorry for questioning your loyalty constantly im sorry that i do self destructive things that are scary to you and make you worry about me all the time im sorry about the little things that set me off and im sorry for overacting to seemingly insignificant things im sorry if i seem cold and distant sometimes im sorry for relying on you im sorry for talking about myself to much and im sorry for being another thing that you have to worry about im sorry for a lot of things but mostly im sorry for existing because you wouldn't have to go through any of this.¨ 

So basically i kept playing this around my friends to see if they were my true friends and so i asked one group of my friends what was in common with every single time i played the sound and it took them awhile to say that we giggled every time and i explained that i did that to show them that no matter how sad or depressed i get i will always have my true best friends there to cheer me up and there to rely on. 

Then, i tried this on another group of ¨my friends¨ and i asked them and then one of the girls actually said well i dont care why your doing this i have other things to do and so i explained why i was doing it and how it was a test and that she had failed. So im saying that friends can be fake and sneaky and have hearts as cold as stone and they will be in disguise and fool you into giving you your trust until you slowly become innocent and weak to them and then they will prey on you till your done for and theres  no hope so do this and be careful with your friends.

Depression

should i leave the gc i’ve been in for almost a year? i’m trying to decide.it’s full of all my friends from my old school.i transferred and all they ever talk abt is their school and when i ask for advice or say something they just seem to ignore it and talk abt sum else.i’m thinking abt it but i still want to be friends with them but something just feels weird when i call them friends.idk.

I don't smoke, drink, or party every weekend. I don't play around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we do still exist!



Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts