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⚕️Depression

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Anonymous

Me and my ex boyfriend had been together for over a year. He is Sikh Punjabi and I am Hindu Gujerati. They’re family us been through a few difficulties in the year and him and his parents only had each other. He mentioned he was seeing someone Hindu gujerati to them and they disagreed but had mentioned they would think about it and had many questions such as who would the kids follow, families would be so different etc. They didn’t bring it up for a while but would ask random question to my ex and then recently, my ex boyfriends best friend passed away so he had been very sad but dealing with it, I was there for him as much as I could be and my ex wasn’t the best at communicating and “hated conflict”. 3 weeks ago his parents had said to him that he has to marry a Punjabi girl. He broke up with me over a phone call because he couldn’t face me and he didn’t want to disobey his parents and be the other son who lets them down and that their happiness comes before anything . (He said we would fight for this a few days before). I found out he was on dating websites a few days after the relationship ended. I don’t even know the truth of anything, his parents didn’t even meet me or hear my voice to make a decision. Apparently he did say to them “you haven’t even met her” and they still said no. There was one point I think his father said to him that if she is a good girl then there shouldn’t be an issue and they changed their minds. We haven’t spoken in 3 weeks but I miss him a lot and I cannot be the one to reach out if he made this decision out of respect. Feeling very down that he gave up and didn’t come to see me to talk to me face to face. He said on the phone that “we don’t always get what we want in life” and “I wish it was different for us” I did say “if you can ever convince your mum and dad to meet me and I’m in the same place then reach out” and he said ok. Feeling very upset about this but I know I have to try and move forward.

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5 replies
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Anonymous

Awww, sending you a lot of good and positive vibes. I know this must be very tough for you. But see, you need to understand that if today he is not taking a stand for you and not fighting for you, chances are that he will not do so in the future also. I know it feels terrible but I am sure there is someone much better for you out there. Please fight this urge and don’t reach out to him, let him do it. He will do it if he really really wants you. Try to keep yourself busy and try to not think about it. He has made a decision and looks like he will stick to it. I am not judging the family or anything, I am sure they are great people, but if they are kind of adamant about having a Punjabi daughter-in-law, let them. Even if they accept you, they might not treat you the way you deserve. Have seen this happening in my family hence saying it to you as a sister. I know all of this is easier said than done but please try. Watch some movies, go out for a walk, read a book, talk to a friend, or you can talk to me as well. But please don’t feel sad. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be and this way you are saving yourself from getting hurt too. Stay stong, queen!

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Anonymous

Thank you so much for replying and such a sincere reply. Yeah it’s true, If he can’t stand up for himself or me right now he won’t be able to in the future. It’s sad to imagine that he was here one minute and completely gone the next, if only he had more fight in him then potentially it could have worked. I would have looked after his mum and dad and him and could have been good for the family. I had said the children could be Sikh and Punjabi could always be learnt but he just gave up because it was exhausting for them to say no to him and he said we can’t keep doing this to ourselves but it had only been a couple months since he first asked. Yeah I won’t reach out to him, if he wants to talk it should come from him because he decided to break this relationship despite how good we were together. Thank you so much for your message. I do hope one day he realises that he could have fought a little bit harder and been more patient but everything happens for a reason. I do love him and can do so from afar :(. I have been trying to keep myself busy but these memories and thoughts keep popping into my head and I just want them to go if he’s not coming back xxx

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Anonymous

I can totally relate to you. It gets very depressing and lonely too. I can understand because just recently I had a bad break-up too. We used to have these marriage talks too, we also have the same surname but he decided to end this relationship, I guess because he found someone else. So I can understand your pain - all those dreams of being together and growing old together just get shattered. I have been super unproductive, have lost weight, and all my motivation too. I can’t stop thinking about it either but I am trying. But trust me, just hang in there. You are a queen and you were even ready to adjust so much, this just shows how ungrateful and undeserving he was. It feels even sadder to know that he didn’t fight for you and just let it go. But trust me, you deserve so much better. Someone who will value you and not just accept you to sacrifice, but he will do it for you too.
And I must say, you are very strong for deciding to not reach out. And he will surely realize what he has lost. Take my word for this. He will realize and then it will be too late because you have every right to move on from this and not let him treat you like an option or anything.
And YES, everything happens for a reason! I am sure better and brighter days are ahead for us! Give it some time, grief it out (if required), it will surely get better. It has to :)

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