Me and my bf haven’t been on good terms since a long time and the pain is becoming more and more btw us , we both are just suffering in silence yet sometimes we show it , but it’s becoming too muvh that idk why I even came here to this app to write this :)) I really need a good advice on this because we are not able to move forward cuz all of the things we shut down are stopping us from being normal together
hanmin @crysen
Do you still talk about it?
There must be some reason why you still stick together; I don’t think it’s merely out of habit?
No we are good together but at same time it’s like idk how to explain but we are not good in communicating with our feelings and if we do it’s became a fight 🤷🏻♀️
It becomes a fight *
hanmin @crysen
I hear you… It’s strange because I think when you start talking, neither of you are intending to fight but it turns out that way.
If you are ‘good together’ I think that probably means you care about each other still, so my guess is that when you start talking one or both of you are getting triggered by certain words or thoughts or even the direction of the conversation. That’s painful cause it’s clear you want each other but can’t fix the conflicts because of this trigger pattern.
I don’t know if this works, but you can consider trying this:
1. Remember that you both want to stay together. You’re not fighting each other, you are working together to fight the arguments and protect the relationship
2. Assume there is either a misunderstanding to solve or a middle ground to find
3. Consciously remind yourself that your partner is not attacking you, but trying to explain what he thinks he sees. Your job is to understand what he’s saying and see if it’s true then to either explain or work it out.
The whole idea is to step away from the trigger pattern and to try not to take it too personally. I suggest that you do it first because you are in control of yourself; you can’t control your bf.
It seems lopsided for now but once he understands what you are doing and sees you trying to understand, you’ll also get your chance to share your side.
I’m saying this from a general perspective so I’m sorry if I’m assuming you’re not already doing this.
Wow that was pretty on point , thank you so much for this !!
hanmin @crysen
Welcome! Hope it actually makes things better!
Last word of encouragement, it takes time to practice and apply, so don’t give up if it doesn’t work the first time!
In reality it may even be worth it to plan what to say or how to respond, since you already know the most likely triggers.
Talk with him what’s the issue and speak it out just don’t keep wondering… Communication is the key bro!
Talking about it is not that easy uk
