Masculine Trait:

Meditating. 

Most men cannot sit alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes.

They need constant stimulation. 

Podcasts, Movies, Music, even wanting to talk to someone all the time.

Enjoying one’s own company is a lost masculine art. 

Personal Growth

I have this huge crush on someone at my workplace, and it's so irresistible. But he is already in a serious relationship. I know, I can't have him but when I am around him it's so difficult for me and also when he's not around, all I do is think of me. Ahhhghhhhhh!! Feel so helpless 

Conflict

I am so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally 🫠😭💀

Exhausted

Yesterday .....i heard my mom talking to someone in her call about something related to photos and restaurants ...she looked really tensed ...i thought of asking her but i didn't 
I guess she's cheating on my dad with another man ...cuz she always goes out and never tell us where she went ...she would be bringing various stuffs or home groceries within a min ...and i assumed that these man gives her all those things ..
I thought of asking her if she had an afaair indirectly but i couldnt ...and today again i heard that ..that man's wife went mising ...

Anxiety

I told him "i love you" at this point i needed him badly but he replied "i love you as a friend"  now I don't feel comfortable the way i express myself 

Confusion

Feeling so tired, I still love you. And you are off dating someone new. 

Breakup

Ummmm...i don't know where to begin or even what to say...I guess I should start with the fact that i started to injure myself. I've doing things to myself for years now, they weren't so obvious tho. For example I used to suffocate myself or to try to drown myself while taking a bath. Then I stopped for a while and now I did it again . I started cutting myself. The worst thing is that i tried to talk to my friends about it but they only said that i don't have a reason to do it . Now that I think about it they're right. I mean it's not like I have a serious trauma like abuse or rape. I've been through some shit but it's not that bad. 
   When I was younger, I am 16 now, a man masturbated in front of me. And it was horrible, I was so afraid that I froze for a few seconds. I didn't understand what was happening, luckily I ran before anything else happened. I felt humiliated and to this day I still remember that feeling.
  At school, the same year that the incident I talked before happened, a boy was touching me, my breasts and was making fun of that. I was also stressed because of my high school entrance exam.
   Before I started high school I've been involved into a physical fight with a group of girls. They were insulting and humiliating my friend and I tried to calm the situation down but it didn't work and then my friend ran and left me alone with them and they started to mess with me, I ran I soon as possible.
 After that stressful time things got better until the whole pandemic situation happened.  Honestly my introverted self wa kind of happy staying at home and not talking to anyone but I guess it really gets lonely. I have to admit that solitude gets addictive; after seeing how peaceful being by myself is, it got really hard reconnecting with my friends. During the school year that has began I started getting into a lot of conflicts. First with my ex boyfriend, now with my friends and there's also the relationship between my parents that got worse. I also have to deal with a lot of homophobia in my country, being  bisexual . 
I also drink too much for my age. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it , sometimes it's the only thing that helps me relax.
So...I started hurting myself. I don't really Express my emotions because I  always have to be the calm one, the one who solves everyone's problems, the one with all the answers, the one who always does the right thing and all these expectations are just exhausting. When I make a mistake everyone just blames me for everything. I HATE IT. I HATE THAT I FEEL THIS WAY. I HATE THAT I AM SO WEAK. I HATE THAT THE MOMENT I TRIED TO GET HELP I WAS TOLD THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY REASON TO HURT MYSELF. I ASKING FOR HELP. I HATE THE RESPONSE I GOT. I JUST HATE BEING SO PATHETIC. 
I hate that I actually think that they're right...
      P. S. English is not my first language 

Self Harm

i miss old days so much

3am Thoughts

I am having terrible anxiety today with a lot of physical symptoms. A little while ago, I was having shortness of breath, profuse sweating, dizziness, rapid heart rate and feeling like I would collapse. After a while, I threw up and now I feel a lot better. But the sense of fear and anxiety is lingering. I am also feeling tired. I am having anxiety for the past few months, but it has been one of the worst today. I am getting negative thoughts.

PS: Sorry about my ramble. I just wanted to put situation out there. Hoping I am not the only one.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts