March, 2, 22
Jealousy 

I think the reason I pushed you away was because of jealousy. I couldn’t stand watching you have something I didn’t have so I would get mad or push you down to be on my level. I never realize how cruel I was until now, until the pain started affecting me every day. Believe it or not I re think my choices everyday because of what I did to you. I was person who didn’t know any better and wish I did.

We are on talking terms, but we just aren’t how we use to be.

yes it was very hard for me to come to finally admit I was the problem. Now I feel bad for ditching her and I miss her

I hope everything is good now,between you and your friend 

Jealous

Why i can't be normal? Why i always have this thought? I'm tired ...

wednesday web series kis kis ne dekhle li ??

3am Thoughts

The day before yesterday, I proposed my crush. Before that my plan was to propose her physically but not know whats the reason, she did not come so Desparetly i directly messaged her and shared my feelings. But she had not seen that message for 2 days. I wished her Good morning and good night for two consecutive day but that also does not read. I know, that was seen from outside. But yesterday she replied and say me "I am sorry, I can't" . What should I do now? Should I ask her for friendship only or should leave the efforts. 

Confusion

i had a guy bestfriend for 4 months..
he stopped talking to me..
he did that after..
i just overtalked that day
i was PMSing..
my mood swings were out of control and i just overspoke and overshared
i told him that i was getting mood swings afterwards  but 
still he is ignoring me now..

Exhausted

I liked a boy who was in love with someone else and that was actually flirty with everyone. He made me fall in love with him and then told everyone that he was in love with someone else and after that a lot of things happened which is a really long story
So let's jump into the main part... After a year a lot of things changed he told me that he loved me but obviously I didn't believe him and after a lot of trial he finally convinced me to date him. He said he would change he won't repeat the same mistakes again but I was unsure of him so I just decided to date him but it wasn't official. but a lot of things happened in between. He stole my first kiss. But after that another guy walled in my life whom I used to have a huge crush on and my date already knew about me having a crush on him but it was all in the past now. So my ex crush and i became very good friends and my non official bf didn't like that so he told me about it and assured him that i won't go back to my crush so he doesn't have to worry. But then there were a lot of things happened in between for which we didn't see eachother that often. So now this guy, my non official bf told somebody else that he is confused now... He like me as well as that girl, his 1st crush. So when i heard that, i confronted him and he asked me with tears in his eyes , "Do you like him?" I denied it but then all our friends told both of us to clear everything out and there he said that , The other girl is really friendly and tells him everything while i am egoistic and never tells him anything. And lemme tell you, this guy know everything about my life from A to Z. And he told that i never tell him anything.
I don't what he wanted from me but his words crushed me. This whole time he treated me like an option. He just thought I liked my ex crush and without even asking me or conforming it, he went back to his ex crush.....
I just wanna cry right now
I miss him
I wanna talk to him 
I want him to love me but my heart cannot love him back..

Breakup

Hi all! Okay so its going to be a bit long one!

I just got broken up with few days back after a long relationship ( my first one).
We were together for 5 years. 4 years clg and 1 year Long distance this year. We were both your ideal couple loving, understanding and caring. We were both preparing for PG entrance this year. I was more emotionally invested in him as the saying goes distance makes the heart grow fonder. It happened for me too and my love and adoration increased for him over this year. We had this long term plan of marrying and forever love kinda thing and now he broke up.
Whenever I used to ask him why he is not paying any attention he would be like sorry i would do more now..etc. so now over the year he got smarter fitter and got a rank too! But I didn't. he was more academically oriented while I was more emotionally invested in the relationship. Somewhere in between I completely became dependent on his emotional validation too and lost myself. But that much is allowed whe you love someone dearly and are separated by a distance while I guess his feelings changed.
He was all loving caring and devoted to me. Pretty loyal one. Full package deal but then he pulled away saying he needed therapy and later on saying he never felt anything for me ever. It shook me to the core. He felt stuck and unhappy in the relationship while I was pouring my heart out. He never communicated fully with me and didn't even give me a chance to work on my faults or told me what went wrong. I was ready to work on my listening skills and giving this whole big bundle of good bond a chance and you know like I love him but he is now just in a different place altogether mentally. Not allowing me to enter his emotional zone. Shutting me off and telling me that we were codependent. I agree to it to a point. But we had so many good memories and real compatibility. I was ready to accept him with all his psychiatric issues too but he doesn't trust that I'll ever understand him. Plus he says he doesn't feel anything for me. I just don't get it how guys saying I love you and all cute shit suddenly turn so cold. Saying that I was with you only coz of the fear of losing you and then next minute he wanna break up and move on with his life. Here I am heartbroken, suffering with no idea who I was with for last 5 years. Giving all my love and care to him. I am doing no contact for 5 days and I just don't know what to next. Have an exam in March. It was totally selfish on his part to do this before my big exam without thinking the effect it would have on my studies. I am so lost and speechless to fathom anything. 

Any thoughts?

overwhelming grief can be caused due to several reasons that can be due to the type of loss you have suffered…and to be real about things, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, what can actually help ease the situation is by understanding the various stages and types of grief to which you can find healthier ways to cope with. Grief is a very natural way of how an individual responds to loss. In more simpler words, it is like an emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you hold dear is taken away. And many a times, this loss can strike you at a speed which you cannot fathom, thus leading to overwhelming grief. There are a range of emotions one can feel while grieving, from anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. There is no surprise that when you are experiencing overwhelming grief, it is also affecting your physical health where you are in no mood to eat, sleep, or even think straight…as our mental and physical health are interdependent. Overwhelming grief is subjective to respective individuals, as something which is a point of overwhelming grief for Person A may not be the same for Person B. Wowwww!!! I (read: google) knows so much about it and yet I am not able to overcome my sorrows ...... AM I THAT WEAK or STUPID???????? I don't know what is, but even after knowing all these things I can't help but do things that never help but rather amplify my overwhelming grief  

Have flirted with a guy today...and its really feels like cringe...the thing happend was I've send him a pic of a scenery and he said " wow its beautiful" and as a reply I said "not as much as you" God uske baad se itni hasi arahi mujhe ki kya btaun Just said it in a flow without thinking too much lol...now I'm overthinking about it...never said something like this to anyone but bas uske samne muh se nikal gayi lol....aaa He definitely is thinking that I'm cringy lol...plus Idk why I keep thinking about that incident lol..


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