Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Many times I expressed how sadness became an emotion of comfort to me, letting it in so deep in my unconscious making harder to let it go and making my life difficult to manage due to creating and enhancing negative patterns I follow impulsively. I let it stretch so far in me, growing from childhood to today. Difficult to say why I didn’t let happiness be my comfort instead of sadness, not noticing that feeling this way was bad until I figured out what was the root of my problems.
I’m working on it and it’s still difficult, not many time passed since I tried to combat it with many other old emotions I have accumulated but this one is frustating because the peace it makes me feel and I shouldn’t is hard to get rid off, more so if I don’t have anything more solid to grab myself into. Sadness, negative emotions I can’t describe have been inhabited inside me and I let myself be at home with them. I dissociate and be with them, it calms me down to the point I’m almost sleepy. Comfort, a strange warmness that shouldn’t be there.
When I feel vitalized, I don’t miss it. At all. The energy and happiness that makes me alive I can find in things is something I luckly found easier and I hope I still do, yet something else to grasp a sense of home and comfort is still a difficult find.
This is to me, a reminder that I’m still working on myself and no need to feel frustated when we barely started. We will get through, I will learn and say goodbye to it when it’s time; even if it never goes away, it won’t use me to inhabit itself anymore. I’m sure of it. Just don’t let yourself in entirely, don’t let it consume you like it did for years. Let’s go step by step, work on the consequences to understand the root and let it go when I do.