Many things, many ways to live. Which one is right? How do you say?

3am Thoughts

How characterless can one be while being anonymous?

Why my thoughts are always deeper at night time ...... 🤔

I don't know what's going on. But lately I feel so lonely. I feel to be loved and feel some warmth. I just want to hug someone and cry my heart out. But I don't really have anyone to do so. I just don't know. I feel so unloved even though there are my parents who loves me unconditionally. Argh, this is so frustrating. 

Lonely

Can anyone tell me how to use this app.
how can we chat in inbox

Coming Out

Aapki Playlist k thode gaane mil jate to badhiya ho jata... 

i’ve never been one to talk about my feelings, usually i’m helping ppl and ik that’s bad but i never really cared for it. until i realized that ppl were asking too much of me, they expect me to be the best daughter, a best friend, the best student. i can’t live up to expectations. i can’t live up to my expectations. half the time i distract myself i find it easier to do so, but when i can’t that’s when i’m most vulnerable. i don’t like talking about my feelings since no has has ever asked me about my feelings i felt as if they didn’t matter. even when i prioritize other ppl’s before mine. i feel as if i don’t deserve anything. i’ve felt as if the horrible things i went through i deserved it. somehow and in some way i convinced myself that ppl should treat me less than a human. seeing how my parents abused me and only me i thought that i did something wrong, being born was my sin. i disturbed my parents with a responsibility of another child when they were at their brokest. getting sexually assaulted and sexually harassed  i also felt that it was my punishment. idk of what but i blamed myself for leaving out the house, going to places by myself, going to school. no one helped me at that time. i stayed quiet and still am. but no one noticed no one checked up on me. why is it that no one ever checks up on me. no one cares about me. no one loves me, i’m not good enough for someone to stay. i feel unwanted, replaceable, unloved, difficult. i want someone to be here for me. i had someone before this pandemic. he was amazing he made me forget so many bad things in my life. he erased all the bad with good. he gave me memories that i cherish so much. he made me smile when i didn’t think it was possible. he made me feel so loved. he was the best boyfriend. loving him was taking all the love i could never give myself and putting it into good use. i’m talking in past tense because we got separated and we distanced each other. and at some point we stopped talking, but now we have been reunited. seeing him made me uneasy because i remember how we aren’t the same like how we were before. i still love him but idk if he feels the same way. talking to him again i felt the butterflies like i once did with him before. i was so happy at that moment because i hadn’t felt that feeling in a long time and he’s the only one who can do so. it’s different this time because we still need to discuss and work things between us, but i don’t want to lose him. it’s so selfish but i want him. i still love him too much to
just let go of him. i don’t know what i would do with myself if he doesn’t feel the same way. we would do whatever he wants and if that means that we won’t be together anymore then i’ll do so. but would i ever recover from it. i don’t think so because he’s the first person i’ve felt like this before. my past relationships they used me. but he’s different he loves me for who i am he loves me he wants me and not my body. idk where i’m going with this but yeah 

Emotional Abuse

it's truly a curse to love in such a pure and overwhelming way and to not recieve the same or anything even remotely close to it back be it friends or be it an actual person you love romantically

Love

*I'm ugly crying rn, literally can't control my emotions..never felt so lonely before.. sometimes I think of texting him "I miss you, come back" but realised we broke up🙂 I practically hate the nights.*

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts