Lost
It’s really hard to find the words for what I’m feeling right now. It seems that I’m really alone in this world.
After I graduate this month, all of my friends will move away to go to university. These were the first friends I ever made. Because of my social anxiety it’s very hard for me to do so and I’m sure that I’m going to be on my own once again.
I live with my mom, my dad lives in another state, they seperated when I was 11/12. When I was a kid my mom used to be very abused, beat me up, told me she should have drowned me and so on. I’m not allowed to live with my dad because his custody was taken away in court for some shit he has done.
I’m not talking to my mom alot now because she tramatized me alot and it’s very hard for me to even be in the same room as her, let alone talk to her. My mom is very sick and even tho I was never on good terms with her it pains me that she i expected to die within the next 1-3 years. What makes it worse is that my relationship with my mom cannot be fixed and all I can do is watch her die instead of spending time with her. I feel so incredibly guilty, shes my mom after all. But after what she has done to me i can’t bear even looking her in the eyes.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 13, I’m 19 now. My thearpist told me he can’t help me multilple times now and the pain just doesn’t seem to ever go away.
Soon I will be alone all over again and with even more to loose it will be worse than it ever was before.
Paul @pj1968
After my parents passed this year I lost every family function we use to do I felt the most alone in life now I’m 52 and I don’t see it ever getting better now.
Sparkz0302 @sparkz0302
Sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time.
I’m not going to touch on everything but I will say “NO MATTER WHAT YOUR MUM HAS DONE TO YOU JUST REMEMBER YOU HELD YOU FOR 9 MONTHS…”
I know sometimes it might get hard and life seems dull at time (some more then others)… The best advice I have for you is “remember others around the world who are in a much worse state and have lost everything…”
Life is way to short to hold grudges, especially with family
I think you should be patient with your mum and try be there for her…if she only has 1-3 years left, then no matter how stubborn, rude, disrespectful, ungrateful etc…then just learn the art of patience… a higher level of patience whereas you can take whatever Is thrown at you… And still be nice in your words and manners.
(when your mum leaves this world you will “most definitely” be regretful but at that point there will nothing you can do about it…)
I apologise if I misread anything didn’t comment accordingly, nevertheless, I hope it helps you. 🙂
