Life is really long. Remember you’re just at the beginning of your journey. Time moves in an arrow, you don’t have to. Your timeline can have branches and turns. You can make career changes, educate yourself, try something new. There’s still a lot of time to figure things out. 

Yes, totally. We must not stop working hard, and treat every day as a new opportunity for us to be amazing! 

Other

Ever kissed your crush? I did😃

Happy

Somebody hug me please.
I wanted to talk to somebody very much rn but when I need someone nobody is there. Whereas I'm there for everyone when they need me. I guess this is life.

3am Thoughts

Set Goals.. socho kal me kya kar sakta hu, complete your study, if don't like any subject or any topic, just go and search in youtube or Google, how can you make easy or understand that topic, if you have any problem with gf, let talk with her, and solve that, you have do anything for makes your life happy. It's only one life ...just focused 

Now&Me Thinks

Anyone up this time.

Day 194 of writing journal entries.

We vibing. 😎

It was another productive fun day!! We did some cleaning in the yard and it was fun because I messed with the hose. 🤣 I’m never giving up my childhood, my body will change, but I’ll never lose my spirit!

We also went to a farmers market, we got some yummy bagels. 🤤 They were sea salt, caramel, pumpkin bagels and they tasted amazing… so overall it’s been a good day, and tomorrow is gonna be even better.

Personal Growth

Hey guys, it's the first time I've ever had to do this which is sad if you think about it. I feel extremely exhausted of life, people, my family who I thought would be there for me, and I'm so tired of crying, I've had to deal with major depression since I was 13 and I'm currently 20 and I just can't take it no more, sometimes I really wish I was dead, I wish I was never born, I want to go back to the time where I didn't care about my feelings, when I used to just hurt myself to feel better, things are getting harder and harder for me when it comes to my image, my weight, how I feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me because I'm ugly or fat, the constant feeling of hating the way I look, how disgusted I am of my body, not having friends besides my boyfriend and depending emotionally on him and how I crave a real friendship and way more things like that. I just really wish I had somebody that motivated me to do better, somebody who I can fully express my feelings to when it comes to myself... I just need that.

Depression

It feels like I am drowning, drowning in the ocean of emotions, struggling for my survival.  I can see the surface but it just feels impossible to reach. whenever I try to proceed further something just pulls me back to where I was; this place where I am right now is quiet and dark, unable to see what’s coming my way just makes it worst, that is when I realize that it's just my anxiety that's killing me I am not actually drowning, anxiety something that makes me feel like crying for no reason, forces me to believe that people around me don't actually love me and they will leave no matter how hard I try to make things sustain. Anxiety something that makes me care less about the people around me, it is not like I don't love you, I you a lot but the fear of being left alone just fucks up everything. Anxiety and fear of people leaving made me love the idea of pushing people away, it's not like I don't wanna talk to you it's just that I am way too vulnerable to handle that hurtful feeling.

I remember the day I cried in front of my classmates, it just made me want to shut myself in a room and never step out because they saw the vulnerable me that was not for everyone to see, that moment I felt weak not because I was anxious but because they saw something that no one other than my family and 6 friends saw. I cried quietly standing in front of the class unable to make eye contact with my classmates. I cried quietly because I knew I would stammer the moment I try to explain whats going on inside me, but the moment my classmates left the room, the principal asked me in a very soft and concerned tone that what happened I felt everything that I was holding onto falling apart, I wanted to hug her and cry, cry till I feel light, but I stopped my self, took a minute to calm down, then wiped my tears and told her that I just got anxious about something that happened in the class and left. I went home and didn’t tell anyone about the incident because I didn't want to trouble anyone, yeah when you are introverted and have anxiety you tend to keep things to yourself, or people who are super special to you know about it because it just feels like you are troubling others.

Anxiety

I was 16. I was returning from a relatives house. It was late at night probably around 11:30pm. My brother was on bike and I was on bicycle and he was supposed to tailgate me. But he went ahead and I couldn't keep up. I lost him but since I knew my way back home it wasn't a problem. I heard a man behind me saying stuff related to condoms. I didn't think anything and continued on my way. After few minutes the words changed into r word related things and how no one will know. I was afraid for my life, I started going as fast as possible but he was behind me. I was panicking and somehow wanted to get to a crowded place. The place was deserted and the thought of that gave me fear. I reached a crowded place half crying at the point and wanted to go home m I made it to home and broke down crying in front of my family. My father comforted me. My mother told me how probably he wasn't talking to me and I misunderstood the situation. She and my brother laughed at me. They even told all my relatives and told them how it was a funny incident. She brought it up a few days ago. I just kept quiet. All the memories where I was inappropriately touched came flooding. I probably did the best thing by not speaking up about those. It was a twist after stabbing. I carry pocket knife nowadays. Won't hesitate to chop off the organ if someone dared to do that. I also carry pepper spray.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts