Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one
person you can count on living with for the rest of your life. 

3am Thoughts

I feel very very low 

When you know you'll lose it all anyway you might as well take the risk cuz it's better to regret on ur actions than on what u missed 

Quotes

I have left this platform for good. Its been 4 months since i tried to see my life in a new perspective. Just when i think life will not be more harsh than this, it throws me a suprise. Tadaaa. My mom met with a head injury. And i saw my mom with all the blood flowing all over her face. I have never been comfortable looking a t blood all my life. Here iam. Seeing her like that to washing off blood from her face. Even now idk how iam. I have no effing idea. Im just doing fine so that i can takecare of her. But this incident has scared the shit out of me. Like how can she fine so that i can takecare of her. But this incident has scared the shit out of me. Like how can she manage herself if someone is not around? Why is life this hard? Like seriously? Upon all of this my brother is far away from us. And bonusss i have a toxic father who is a drunkard. The house must be a calm space for her to recover soon. But nahhhh. Nothing goes fine in my life. Life full of mello drama. And my life can be officially named as hell. I wish i could be dead right away.

 they've moved on...i havent....i cant get them out my head...they dont even think of me...they dont care how im doing.....i cant do this anymore.... 

Breakup

I fell in love after suffering from a toxic relationship of nearly 7 years. This new man in my life is younger and kept proving how life is worth living. I really felt as if I was flying high. All of a sudden things began to change. He started comparing me to his ex girlfriends and he accused me of things he thinks I might do in future. Since the last three months I have been made to feel utter disgraced and I really feel I am the reason of all his problems. And not only his even my parents behave in a similar manner. Even if I tend to protect them from a wrong decision in life they keep blaming me for their loss. I really don't feel like living. But I am the only one earning for my uncle's family and mine too. My boyfriend also doesn't want me living. He clarified that if I end my life he will keep hating me till the time he lives. I really don't want to live. I have made a mistake of falling in love again. I really did. I am such a stupid person. 

Depression

Why is that girl with darker skin tone has to go through a lot of things while searching for a groom?
Why is that both fair and dark guys like and want fair bride???


Frustration

I can't say exactly how I am feeling. There's just a lot going on in my mind and exactly nothing in my life. It's like I am stuck and have always been stuck at life. I am not able to level up. I am a 21 year old adult. It's like failing at life. I want to but somehow can't bring myself to shoulder the responsibilities at home or in my career. I feel like a baby whining because of its privileges. But I don't know, why can't I take the next step. It's like being passive in one's own life. And the worse is that I have nobody to talk about these feelings with . I am not a person who reaches out to friends on my own. And when I go through my contacts I don't feel like anybody would exactly understand me or what I am going through or experiencing. It's like a desperate measure pouring it out here. And I am just so close to backspacing it all and throwing the phone away because I don't feel I deserve to feel so lowly. If you see it on the surface, my life would appear full of comforts but I don't know maybe that's the problem ? I spend all my day on Netflix nearly but it is more like as an escape rather than distraction. Like just to kill away the time. And the next day goes the same and I am tired. When I think of it I have so much to do which I should be doing but instead I am doing nothing of it. There are certain problems like my health condition or me not talking to anybody about how I feel or what's going on through my mind or not getting out as much as a normal human being would. I have a tendency to isolate myself more and more once I have been alone. So it might have started with the lockdown and my college ending simultaneously but I have pushed myself darker in that pit. I don't get to meet people outside anymore. Though, I was never a fan but maybe it helped keep my mental sanity. Now it's just home and the same old same old. Honestly, I am tired. I have been doing nothing and I still tired. Maybe , I am just tired of doing nothing and still know nothing better. It's not like I have not tried to do things differently but sooner or later I always find myself back here. At this very turmoiled place. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts