Lately my mental health has been in the absolute gutter, and it’s a lot. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and intrusive thoughts (which, I didn’t realize that was what it was until I got older, but that’s absolutely what is), but for the last couple of months I’ve been struggling with depression as well, and it seems like it just gets worse. I recently moved in with my roommates who I adore - but that almost isn’t even good. My best friend recently ‘broke-up’ with me (we were just friends, but we were, like, the best friends friends could be, since we were very young. Like the same soul in two different bodies) due to her being in a highly toxic relationship and I can no longer contact her. Her family knows about the situation, so I know she is at least physically safe, but she was my ‘person’. Then, my now ex-boyfriend’s father died, and both of us were so depressed - him because of his father’s passing, and me because of “bad brain chemicals” as I like to put it - we decided we could not be together anymore, because we were only hurting each other because we couldn’t be there for each other. I don’t really have friends, so these were like my two major relationships in life being lost in a relatively short period from each other. I also made some bad decisions with money and my job, because I was having panic attacks and whatnot, blew through my savings (not that it was so much) and job hopped around before I just ended up at my original place of work (which, I am so grateful to be rehired there. I never should have left.) Therefore, however, I will be late on rent this month. I love my roommates, but I feel like I have been nothing but a bother to them, and now I will be late on rent. I did tell them, so they know and are prepared to cover for it, and after this month I should be okay with my bills again - and I WILL be repaying them for the rent. I just feel like shit. There are so many more details that just make everything worse, but I’m not really willing to share it even anonymously yet. I feel like a lot of my depression comes from these intrusive thoughts, but I feel worthless. My best friend abandoned me, my boyfriend couldn’t deal with my mental problems, and my roommates are going to resent me soon if they don’t already, and I’ll be left with no one. I know that’s the absolute worst way to look at it, but that’s what it always boils down to for me. I literally woke up this morning, cried, and went back to sleep. I just need my brain to stop with these intrusive thoughts and I need to get through these next couple of weeks. I don’t know if things will be better then, but that’s kind of all I’ve got right now.
Thanks for reading.
I am so sorry …
Hope it gets better for you🖤
After I read what you worte, I can understand that you are going through quiet a lot of hardships… I don’t know if I am in any position to say this (cause it seems I am younger than you)… but I would like to say that not having anyone by your side can be really lonely and depressing… but once you learn to grow out of it, once you start enjoying your own company, once you start spending time on yourself… other people won’t really matter. And after you grow out of it, you would like to hangout all by yourself and you won’t need anyone’s company … yeah i understand that everybody needs someone with whom they can share everything… but in many people’s life that someone doesn’t exist (for example me) … so what I do is I write about my daily stuff and maintain a journal… if you don’t like writing you can even voice type/record in your mobile. And it also seems that the people that surrounded you are also having hard time which finally resulted in this… and obviously you are effected by these results… my advice is instead of focusing on others you should focus on yourself ( ik it’s not easy coz they were the closest person to you) …but you need to do it… coz all of you are having hard time and it might not be possible for you all to stay beside each other… so at the end of the day you are responsible to take care of yourself… it’s you who can make yourself feel better. After you are done with your office and if you have some free time ,you can read a book or watch a movie or series, you can go to a nearby park or to a nearby cafe, in the morning you can go for a 15-30 mins walk for fresh air with some music on and you can do any other thing that makes you happy.It’s you who have to push yourself to do these things. Hope this helps😇
Thank you for this.
I used to be (and probably still am, in a sense) a person who can be by themselves and be perfectly fine. I am not a partier and never have been, etc. I think the biggest punch is that the person I shared every single thing I wanted to with without fear of judgment or anything is out of my life for an unknown amount of time.
I appreciate you saying this, though, because you are not wrong. I think that’s why I came here, so I could write out my thoughts and hope that someone would respond.
Honestly, you don’t sound younger than me, so if you are, it’s probably not by a whole lot, lol.
Anyways, thank you again for giving me such a thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.
You’re most welcome… ik how it feels to lose the only one you could trust and share everything without any fear…so I followed those steps myself which I mentioned before… even I used to be (still am) someone who can be perfectly fine by themselves…actually I am used to being alone all the time …and I gradually started enjoying my own company…since my parents neglect me to a huge extent(it’s not like they are busy 24/7) . It felt like I was in heaven when I got a true frnd but life had some other plans…we were frnds for like 4 years and she knew everything related to me and I knew everything about her as well…but some things do come to an end. By the way I am a high school student and it was nice talking to you.
