lately, i feel like I’m watching everything i’ve always feared come true. At first, i thought that perhaps it was all just in my head and things were just fine but now it’s slowly turning into a reality, and me being the person i am idk if i can take that. I know things will be alright someday tho and that things will pass and eventually be fine so don’t worry about me, it’s just that today is not that day therefore I’m not going through a good time. I’ve been lowkey hating myself quite a lot and I hate that bc there was a time when I was the most obnoxiously confident and egotistical person someone could ever be and idk how i got to this i just know I should’ve never had. I know i have no reason to hate myself this much, i know i shouldn’t feel like this, i really know but somehow i do. I say I want to live yet proceed to k*** myself slowly, i often don’t realize how much I’m allowing things and other people to hurt me, I wish i could stop being so easily affected by literally everything. My dream once was to be someone others could be proud of, to make it far and be successful, but no one is proud of the person i am, i’m more rather a disappointment, my mom even lies about me to her friends and the rest of our family, she hides me even more than I hide myself. I’ll never be someone to brag about and I feel sorry for that even though i know it isn’t my responsibility to be like that but i just don’t want to give others a hard time for simply being me, for not being enough, for not being what they’d prefer me to be like.
Are you sure that it will all pass by? It looks like a serious situation. Do you wanna talk?
I don’t know, I always tell myself that it will pass and it will be okay it’s been years and it’s not okay yet but i still hope someday it will be. I might not be doing well at all but at least i know it won’t kill me. I don’t know, and thanks for caring and offering me to talk about it I really appreciate it, maybe i should but it’s not something i can do, I really can’t get myself to talk about it in depth so no, thanks, i can’t do it.
It’s okay ☺️ As long as you are alright.