Lately i been thinking about my ex. I feel like i want to call or meet up with my ex. Yet i know i shouldn't do that. 

Now i just stalked Instagram 😅 but there no any new update haiyaa ahahaha. Just silly post from me. 

Growing Up

hi wanna be friends

3am Thoughts

Just created this account to vent. I hope I can feel safe here

Exhausted

Don't you think Now&Me is addictive and sometime depressing?

Depression


Hi … i just joined nowme i am 31 years old doing job in saudia arabia.I dont know what exactly i am looking for but for sure i want the peace of heart and someone to talk…its been a long time i shared any of my problems with anyone as i felt people will make fun of it …there are so many things that i need to say but from where i should start…

well it starts with my younger age …I ve been get alot of beating from father because of his stressed life and disappointments in my elder brothers he became aggressive and became someone who cannot trust on his child anymore so whenever there is a bad news or something bad happened il get the beating even though it was not my fault …My mother realized and start helping me and loving me the best she can …when it comes to siblings my elder brothers they never loved me they hated me for what i was someone close to my father and mother…Even for the father deep inside he loved me because i was the only one not retaliating his beatings or using bad words i always respected them as they were my parents and even in that age i understood that somehow frustration of my father was not wrong… We are 4 siblings 2 brothers elder then me and a sister younger then me …
i grew up feeling unloved from my elder brothers which makes me think i should always love my sister as i know what it felt to be lonely and unloved …when i was studying my father had an heart attack and doctors advised him to take rest and discontinue his work … so i had to return and starting finding the job as other elder brother were living separate and i had to take care of my mom sister and father.In that time i managed to find a job and start making the bread for my home.This job also brings a lot of dissatisfaction in my life as i was under paid and in saudi arabia rules are tough its not easy to change your company if company doesnt want which brings no growth in job but i had to work hard for covering my home expenses as well my sister education i started another job evening part time …so finally i was able to running the finance effectively…i was happy that i can provide to my family in that time i tried to amend good relations with my elder brothers but unfortunately i always get the hate from them as they thought my parents only loved me and not them…according to my parents they told me that you are the one providing for us and supporting this home during bad times and they never helped you they never think about their sister and us so how we can love them more then you …but i know in deep heart of parents all childrens are same to them…

i never managed to maintain relations with them although their was only my sister whom i loved and cared and even though on my tough nights i couldn’t share my pain or sorrow with them because i was the one taking care of them i cannot show them that i am sad or in pain it would have broken them …as the time passed my sister finished her education and now it was my another responsibility to marry her…Then my father found groom from one of his friends son in Pakistan.We discussed on the matter and i was not agreed as the groom had no match with my sister she was graduated and the groom was not even went to school for her future i had too many fights with my father and he start hating me for opposing his decision and start call me like my brothers…After sometime i have to accept their decision and let her marry with that guy and i flew for Pakistan …the guy know i was opposing the decision make him think i was enemy for him and start hating me as well he start filling ears of my father which results in hate for me from my father as well from sister as sister was bound to trust more on her husband…

My Father starts recalling the relations with my brother and start hating me as well in his hate he sell his property and with all that money he arrange a business for my brother in law and let him have it.

After sometime my father passed away i went to his funeral and did what a son could do his best.on his funeral i gathered with my siblings we had a small moments and then everything went back to as it was they start hating me my mother she still loved me and always stood my side.After his death and several home problems i decided to buy home in pakistan and start living our life…we have a small house in the area where my my sister was married …

My mom is living their as my sister wants her to be with her and then i want her to shift in city with me but upon my sister and brother in law decision they are now telling her to live in the area where no hospital no park no life necessities are near to be found .I am diabetic as well my mother is , i want her to shift with my in city where i can take good care of her but now after thinking a lot she is saying i will stay in that area near my sister and she want to me go city …and then she is saying if you love me for my sake just start living here.For her i can do anything and deep inside i am also a human being i do have feelings i always gave sacrificed when it needed.I was the one always unloved i know it sounds bad but how could a father support his daughters husband instead of a lost son who always faded his emotions his needs my whole life i provided my hard times when i window shoped the things which my cousins and other friends was using …the sister whom i cared more then a daughter now hates me for no apparent reason… all i ever wanted to be loved to be supported .Now my relatives are laughing at me that his father gave business to his son in law and his own son doing a pathetic job in saudia arabia… i dont want money all i always wondered why despite all my sacrifices i am the one suffering … i feel lonely i had nose operated last month and no one was beside me at that time …i see peoples coming for their beloved ones in the hospital but i was alone…my whole life i tried to make my family happy even my brothers hated me i bring toys gift everything for their childrens on occasions but they are not ready to accept me as their own … Sometime i am whatsapping my sister to ask how is everything i will received the replies in alot of days and un conviencing replies …i do not know what i had done wrong …to be honest i feel like stupid running after the things which never meant to be mine…

Lonely

Having hope is good 
Not having hope is fine 
But the oscillation is killing me ....😑😐

Iam 45 year female, i got married at the age of 17 with 40 years old person it was arranged marriage . After getting married he rarely was with me as i was too young i didn't know anything even sex he raped me on first night itself he told if u don't allow i will inform ur parents ,i never loved any person i started liking my husband but he never got attached 3 months he did sex with me later told i look like small girl , as i was kid he use to buy food and dresses and i was very happy with him he used to lock and go to offs and will comeback after 3 days like this 3 years went i started fighting with him so he joined me to hostel for further studies as i go then again fights later came to know tt married in 2nd puc,i studied and i got bank job posted in other state later on suppose ground i got transferred to my husband place. My in-laws started asking abt kids but we didn't had sex. I can't tell anyone so got IVF done and I got one baby life was going smoothly in all this times my husbands sister son helped me I was only daughter heand there was no much gap between us only 4years he wil call me aunty he supported me in carrier and all he was like my own brother son guide and everything .he encouraged me in carrier so I got promoted as manager .he was preparing for civils at the time despite of attempts he didn't got through so he want to start buisness i gave him loan later he want to start software company with his two friends I gave loan again though papers are not correct more over his dad is thasildar so in worst case he may pay like that days went through he got project of3 crores so he needed45lakhs i sanctioned loan on my own risk hoping that in advance he will repay full  amount.he gave bribe later it got cancelled so amount as gone his marriage fixed he changed totally and he told he can't repay i went to his parents and begged they asked with whose permission u gave loan but when he is running company they didn't know from where that amount came.bank inspection started and I am in trouble sleepless nights crying and all , everyone in bank are like I used that money and all I was very low under depression ,helpless thattime my officer  was there it was covid time he was bachelor I felt bad that he was not getting food from anywhere so asked him to come home and have food he told he can't come inside but will take tiffin.he is younger than me 12years .sohe used to come talk like this happened for 6months intake we used to talk10minus latee15and laater2 hours sometimes or4 hours also but only official mattersschool days or college or planning of branch as he was my marketing officer, he started helping me in household works my husband got retired and he shifted to Village and alone i was managing,dad expired and my mom used to take of my kid,i started sharing all my problems he supported so life was like little ok atleast someone is there to listen my problem v both started to neet executives and planning to solve how to solve my problem , one day he told he likes me nd he loves me he want to give me what and all I lost in my life he will keep me happy but until he will get transferred to his place ,swear on God i never had sex for12years and I didn't accepted him for sex,i want one person to share i wanted care, attention,love one shoulder when i told ok he wanted to have sex with me I was not prepared but was afride if I say no i will loose him also he started touching me on roads also so I only told better to book room so been there covid time my mother and daughter went to Village as her school was not there I was alone he started coming inside house it was most happiest days in my life he cared me loved me forr3 months almost live-in  my bank issues started increasing otheraide he also started changing for everything scolding using very bad words randi and all started beating me I can't tell anyone,bz it's external martial affair already I lost respect in bank now family but I love him a lot morethan my self sometimes morethan my daughter also sometimes he lovs me like anything sometimes he scolds and beats me .i used o think enough he will come and beg and will say without me he can't live later I will accept this happened for 2years he got transferred to his native i was very upset still i bought him Watever he wants and all i used to give him so many gifts also,he left me that day i cried a lot a lot but he was even not bothered he just left that day also at airport he scolded me that I didn't packed his luggage properly he is not bothered that he is going to leave me permanently he left.second day i called him he didn't spoke to me properly he started ignoring when I call and fight he is like c u fight that's y I don't feel like talking to you, initial days of relationship he told he has to get married once he got married he won't have physical relationship with me but he will be there for me for lifetime .i told ok neither I want to spoil his life, but now he is not ready to talk he didn't even asked how am I,he told he doesn't have time for me his family is priority iam nothing. I was there for him atleast for few days or monthm i thought he  will be normally talking suddenly i become alone totally helpless during that tough time bank fired me from work immediately i called him he told tum ghatiya ho that's y this happened I a totally helpless, still i thought he was angry on me so i went to his place to do course for my future i called him he abused me he told I am blackmailing him and all i begged him not to do like this he came to meet me one day thought all our sfights will be stopped once he saw me I just wanted one ending where I don't want to feel even he cheated me but there also he didn't spoke to me propy as v both met at metro so i only asked book room ,i want to talk to him fight with make him understand he booked v room we went there 15 minus he was wit did physical normally his anger used to comedown if he does physical i was wait now will talk peacefully but he told need to vacate room i was upset cried and started fighting he beated me kicked me,i came out of the room i feel like iamprostitue even with them people will spend more time.i lost everything in my life.now also I love him a lot he was only person who cared and loved me but i can't call him. My daughter what mistake she did .bank i gave loaan i did mistake so got punishment. But loving him he told I played sympathy card and i mused him as tissue paper iam ghatiya aurat i know how to play with people's.iam blackmailing him and all.i left him but daily I am dying i want to die  but I am worried abt my daughter now no income,no work nothing only depression no one is there my husband is giving some amount for maintenanast everything waiting to die


Yeh somiaya walo ke stories dekh dekh ke thak and jal chuka hu😩😩kk was live in their event and his sing ajab si ajab si that thing gives the different vibe man 🥺

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