Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Last night i just got a text message from the father of my son, he called me a bastard just because I didn’t respond his message ad taking his call.
unofficially He is my husband, we married as per religion way, we cannot have legal marriage because he has another wife, which is this country where he lives not letting him keep 2 wives the same time.
We have been married for almost 6 years, and in relationships for 13 years. We had a son age of 3 years old. He has 3 grown kids from his first wife.
Currently me ,my son & him , we live together in the city where he works. His first wife lives in different city, and the kids live their own.
Last week he went to hometown to see his family, he spent a week there and will be coming back tomorrow.
I didn’t text him or call before he does, you know because he keeps me secret from everybody.
He just to busy with his own matter there & didn’t call for 2 days. And the last time he did he got upset because couldn’t reach me. It was 1 am morning and we were sleeping, he was expecting me stand by whole the time waiting for his call. It’s seems unfair, he said i am really bastard for this reason.
He said sorry later on and said he was worried with his son in case anything happened to me , mean in case i am dying, how son will survive alone there.

I don’t know from where this kind of thinking come from, he feels like i am going to die soon. Is it because he just wanted to get rid of me?
Our situation getting worse after our son born, initially he didn’t accept to have baby, later he compromised.
But his behavior totally changed towards me. I was his lover , he couldn’t live without me, but now seems like he hates me a lot and i was just a mistake for him.
No body knows my current situation, no friend or family member understands what i am going through. They everything perfect a happy normal family. They don’t know it has so much hiden story. I m depressed because I couldn’t share my sadness to anyone. I feel I have to decide to live this marriage that’s seems getting worse day by day. But how about mu son? What will happen to him if we separated?
My husband will not let me take custody of him, I am not capable enough to give him a good live.no job no education no money.
He is in very good condition with a good job & many investment properties in different countries. Just now he purchase a big new house for him to live with his family. He bough me a house back home and the size of my house is the same size as his new home one bedroom. Do you think its fair? Do i have right to be jealous?
Every body might think i was a bad one, why since beginning I started the relationship with a married man?
I was too young,just 18 years old when first time met him, he made me fallen in love and he lied about his status. Its too late when i knew he s married, i had beed deeply in love with him. And i was so stupid I didn’t understand what was his intentions that time, it just to get a fresh young chick. We have 30 years old gap. He is 60 now.
I went too far now, trapped in the situation that I couldn’t go back or fix it. It won’t get better, i am getting older, it may chance for him to find another young girl, yes he s a playboy, manytime I catch him after the girls , he mase tinder account 2 years ago, and found him kissing a girl in a night club too. I am not sure what the reason i stay in this complicated relationship, it’s just for shake of my son, or i still deeply in love with this man.
I haven’t idea what to do or what will happen, how long i have to stay silence?
I really need to have someone to talk to about my situation, i cant let my family know, i am afraid to hurt them