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3am Thoughts

Any one preparing for Gate exam here? 

Education

People who pretend to be nice makes me sick 🤢🤮

Society

Mohabbat krne waaale

Feeling to kill myself feeling alone

Cheating

Bad No one seems to care. my parents haven't hugged me in a long time, my sister keeps fighting with me and screaming at me. My friends don't seem to care. I am 15 and I feel that I have a mask on. I pretend to be that really tough girl who has nothing going on in her life. I am so strong and stuff. I have a LOT of bottled up feelings. My friend has a problem with me and she talks bad about me to her other friends. I live in a hostel. It's like I haven't felt happy in a long time but everyone thinks I am always happy and cool. My 10th boards are coming and I feel that I can not do good in that. I have been feeling a lot lately and I don't think I can score well in that also. I can't do anything. My parents only like my younger sister because she is a class topper in grade 7 and she gets above 95. I am having some suicidal thoughts and I have tried telling my friends for a long time and no one has talked to me or given it a thought. I have also been eating a lot of junk food lately I feel it's because I cant talk or do anything and I am really stressed. 

Depression

Help if you can!
I am not feeling to do the things these days which can help me in better mental health or something to work on self-love or care. I don't like how I have turned myself into this saddest person slowly when I was the happy person to be around. Earlier, I didn't use to talk much to people, but when I got advised to open up and talk to people more, I feel I just get used by people, people just trick me with their fakeness, this even drowning me more when I thought yes I got people like me more say good friends,  our thoughts, vibes match, etc, But no, all I get is I am the dumb person to be around.
Other than that, it's a very important phase of my life soon I will be getting out of my college and gotta find jobs in corporates and I find myself at the worst level now where I shouldn't be, when I should be working on my skills which will land me a job, but I fall into this deep hole.

Life

I don't want to interact to a lot of people. I feel like being with myself, watching videos on YouTube but it hampers my growth and also I am bad at communicating with people.

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