Just want someone to sedate me so that for some moment there are no thoughts in my mind. Want to feel the calmness of mind. Just tired of this overthinking and continuous thoughts. I feel like going and having a drink of old monk nicely but itβs a task to go to a bar make sure the bar is far away from where you live.
So I smoke but smoking also does not help me. I never get that rush when I smoke, canβt even smoke properly ugh!. I canβt smoke it in properly as if a lump is there in my throat not allowing it to go in just in the mouth and out. Makes me wonder as if Iβll definitely have mouth cancer (does not stop me from smoking). sometimes it feels as if I wish I were not there only reminds me of the time when I was small waiting to cross the road with my mother coming back home from school. I was tired of waiting the vehicles not stopping and I just went and bam almost go crushed by a taxi but he stopped it and I was not hurt much , but sometimes I wish should have ended there only as I grew up to be this loser and stupid person who is not an ideal son, does not have a good career and mostly confused.
Hey please be strong and think positive you ll definitely find your path.
