Just missing him again. 

I really hate myself for being like this!

Think about the things you hate about him

Baby gurl don't u ever be wasting ur good energy, he ain't even worth it no he don't deserve it (in case u broke up....)

Memories

Missing her I met her years ago tomorrow 

Love

Hopelessly hopeless 🥲

So there's this person at my job with whom I was very close before. We were like so close that even after work would spend time together. Then the relationship went to romantic phase. First it was him who confessed but for some reasons at that time I told him I was not ready. Then I figured out actually I had feelings for him too (i understood i had fallen in love first time in my life) but he already had a gf. Anyways, the problem is, we still have to spend a day together, we have the same thing to do for 9 hours a day. But nothing is the same as before in terms of level of closeness. It's so difficult for me to detach from someone who I adored and loved with my whole heart. It's hard to be next to him all day physically but not emotionally anymore. I also can not leave my job, i like it so much, how can i risk just to leave it. I suffer everyday but don't know how to cope with it. 

Exhausted

I have a lot to vent to here goes nothing. 
#1. My mom's cousin is no more and he really got into Drugs (intravenously) and till his last day, his doctor told him not to even think about drinking and drugging, and he did and he is no more. My mom is a cigarette addict and I asked her to quit. Today she yelled at me for pushing her to go the gym Because her health matters and I was really sad. She started to sat crap like "you Don't do anything around the house" etc and it really hurt me for some reason. Everyone could see I was totally off today and when I told them why I am so pissed, they all go "she's your mom. Be nicer. Be gentler" I just couldn't take it. They always expect me to understand the situation and I hate it. I have feelings too. I feel awful and upset too. But why do I always have to put a fake smile on my face and pretend all is okay? Why am I not allowed to feel angry and annoyed when it's clearly the person in front of Me who has hurt me? Why is everyone so biased against me? Why do people act all crappy when they clearly know they have hurt you? And when she asked me why was I so down, I told her that I was
upset because she said all those awful things to me when I was trying to look out for her. She acts all defensive. She even got into a fight with a Girl at the gym, why you ask? Simply because she asked mom to move because she wanted to use the mirror to monitor her exercise. Her gym should be a sacred escape from the worldly crap, but she managed to make it hell, like our house. My mom was even Bitching about Me to her trainer. 

#2 one of my closest friends started to go out with my sister. And when he left to make his own career, he mentioned how he can not live without her, his mom and his sister. I was heartbroken. All I could think of was, "what about me?" My sister always listens to her bf's sister so well but I am always neglected. Always. Nobody listens to me. I was supposed to meet my friend's mom but my sister fought with me and I couldn't handle the nonsense because she hadn't eaten all day. She's 25 years old. She still needs someone to feed.
I was so stupid to think I should stay here for college these are my people, but I completely forgot how much they hurt me on a daily basis.
I really really really wanted to go out for coffee and see the barbie movie. I even wanted to buy a boardgame to play. But all of that was said no to because her bf didn't want to see. I was really upset. 
Back to the day when my friend was going away  they both decided to buy cigarettes first before meeting me and my friend, and my friend was immediately called into his job and i didn't even get to meet him. 
My friend didn't bother to say a proper goodbye. Ans I have to lie to everyone that I miss him but I just don't . 



3am Thoughts

Hii guys, tomorrow is my board practical examination and I'm so nervous that I got fever and panic attack I don't know what to do.. what to do if I mess up

Anxiety

Good morning lovely people out there!
I hope you all have a nice Sunday. 
Blessings and power to you all 

Exercise

hey, im19. My parents keep abusing me that I just eat and sit at home. So i want to start earning online. Can anyone help me out w this?Any ideas? I need ways to earn online for atleast a lil amount per month for my pocket money and basic basic needs.


Adulting

I feel happy, after months I feel stress free I don't have daily headache,I feel refresh every Morning after get up, finally things are happening they way I wanted them to happen... Yes, I have got a lot of pending college work and other issues, but I am to happy to be stressing over little problems. 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts