Lonely

I have tried to write here some time ago too, but I deleted it, thinking that people might not understand me. But then I saw so many people expressing their thoughts and I decided to write too.
I have started feeling nothing. I am not lazy but I am not active as we'll. I want to take interest in things but I don't want to too. This is so weird. I sometimes feel like I am sad and other times I feel like I forgot what my problems are and I laugh. It's like I know I am going through something but I don't want to address it or face it. Maybe this is my weakness but I dont know how to overcome it. I binge-watch stuff to waste my time and use this as my emotional defense mechanism which is so crazy. I feel like I don't know what to do with all this. I try to run away from it. :(

Maybe it's the stress, but it's like I dont feel like facing it or even introspecting on it which apparently I know I should.



Koi yaha khush hai bhi?

3am Thoughts

कोई शायरी प्रेमी
आओ महफ़िल जमाए,
कुछ आप लिखो 
थोड़ी सी हम बनाए।।

Love

Have anyone felt the kind of void inside u?


It's a huge debate. Personally, I feel that LDRs don't really work. We somehow try to make them work, strive towards making our partner not miss out on anything but eventually we both get busy in our own lives and then one day our life does not revolve around theirs. 

Relationships

I wanna be rich person

Why i can't buy those things 
why i belong to poor family
why i don't have any ________ cuz I'm poor?
i can't suicide cause I'm born in village.
why villagers don't have buildings
i already gived up my life
i have nothing to lose
if i die my family don't have to think about me future 
Why this fucking governments don't give us to suicide option if I'm just a trash for this world no one wants me



Fuck This World 



Anxiety

For people feeling wonky and having a hard time this month, we have got 6 planets in retrograde and we are in cancer season. Buckle up kids, its going to be a wild ride. Get in your feelings and heal where its hurting.

Other

My mom is not alive, and I had this ex gf and I really bonded with her mom well together as a motherly figure. So even after our breakup I continued talking to her mom and expressed my feelings and emotions I felt after she dumped me . So her mom said okkay I will talk to her and I agreed. Me and my ex had lot of fights even after our breakup saying mean things to each other . Now my ex gf is talking to me said "stop talking to my mom no I am not dating anyone but I am not saying yes to you either.we may or may not have a future together. I will decide after we meet first cos we have been separated for 6 months now and I don't know ur intentions. And please don't tell my mom I texted you. " 
I tried to deny meeting saying " can't I know my heart will break again if there is a no please tell me now.and if u are dating anyone please tell me I will move aside on my own. Cos if that's the case I know my heart will break again. That's why please tell me now" but she denied she is dating anyone . But I am not sure she is dating or not . 
P.s - her sister calls me bhaiya and she told me "I don't know she dating xyz(the guy she met few days ago) or not but she talks to him often and meet too and  has told mom that when time is right she will marry this xyz . 
When I asked my ex about this she denied saying "when did I say this to her ?" Which I pretty know for the fact that she's lying.  
I told her sister that she has asked me to meet she got surprised and told that "here at home mom is tensed between u and her and she has told mom that "she has nothing to do with me" 
What should I do from here ?
I am confused why she is doing this,on one hand she asked me to meet her and on other she tells to her mom behind my back she has nothing to do with me .
I am ready to move aside if she wants and also told her I don't wanna meet her cos I am protective about my feelings now .  So if it is a rejection tell me now honestly.i will move aside.
I don't know if she doesn't have to do anything with me as she says to her family why does she force me to meet her. And dont reject me now even if I offer her that option too that I will walk out own my own if u want. 
What should I do from here ? Trust her ? Build a report? Or just walk out? 

Sometime I feel like give up on her sometimes I feel likegive her benefit of doubt. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts